Please tell me when they become human again - preferably with a date and time.

[OccamsLadyshave]

It's so that I can set an alarm and emerge from the bunker I'm building under the house.

She went horrible within a week of her 13th birthday. That was 4 months ago. I think I could cope if I knew when it would end.

Alternatively - how much is boarding school?

(I would put lighthearted in the title, only I'm not sure it is!)

Dd is 16 and just starting to come out of the horrors....although not fully

I find and works wonders .

I thought 17. Green shoots of hope emerged. He started chatting ocasionally.
But then he did a U turn and we are back to the hostility. Grim times.

DS1 started at 13 and is just emerging from total nightmare to occasional human behaviour at the age of 17.5.
DS2 just 14 and has just turned horrid
No break between the two - wine helps!! So it looks like a few more years in the bunker for me!

Three years?! Minimum?!

I can't drink for medical reasons and I'm currently trying to lose weight for a marathon. Is there a [valium] emoticon?

Actually she's been completely lovely this evening as we have a younger child here and she's been mucking about playing at the park with her.

She's still in there somewhere. Must remind myself of that when she next refuses to leave the house because she's "in the middle of a game" and misses her train for school.

seventeen here too - at which point, she emerged from her bedroom as a lovely, attractive, independant woman who was self motivated and driven.

I have a 15yo son, and I know I have at least 2 years of hell to go with him....and then the youngest will hit puberty.

Pass the gin.

DS was fine till 15, now he's 17 and it's hardwork.

DD was repulsive up to 16 yrs when she seemed to slowly become human again although she still has her moments. DS has generally been easier although lazier and more stubborn.

DC1: The pits, 13-15/16 (NB this one was hard work from Day 1, so the teen phase wasn't much different from normal)
DC2: 14-17; mostly over it but has lapses to toxicity when stressed. So with A level approaching, that's a bundle of laughs
DC3: very intensively, aged 13, mostly over at 14. Door slamming, OMG-ing, dram-queening.
DC4: we wait. Currently in early teens but still lovely...

Occams- forget the valium. Running is a brilliant anti dote.
I returned from a hard run one Saturday morning, found DD (16) with a boy from school I'd never met before in her room trying cider to 'see what it was like'. I was so high on endorphins and full of the joys of the outdoor world I couldn't even be cross with the lad who had brought it round for her. I just calmly removed it and tried to explain why it is unacceptable to drink alcohol before breakfast ....

Age 15 and three quarters they begin to transform back. By 19 they are fantastic.

Dd is 17 and 3 months. though there are sometimes hints of a lovely young adult in there, half the time she is queen bee bitch from hell (mostly regarding "fucking a levels" to quote my first born's beautiful words. so I'm none the wiser on girls.

ds is 15 and so so lovely. I'm praying that he's just missed all the shit bag bits - he can't be bothered to be dramatic - he's cool, popular, hard working, confident and such good company - adults and children adore him - he has aspirations etc - they're opposites but they get on well and when dd isn't playing the victim, I count my blessings.

ds2 is only 9 and also so mild mannered which is fine because he's never going to be a teenager cos he's my baby

I also have two step daughters, one a teen, one not quite there yet..... not seen signs yet but crossing everything!

Omg. I cant wait! Please let it happen soon! DD nearly 16 and the worst she has ever been. Maybe she has peaked and will start to come down soon. I live in hope :(

DD1 (17) and very young for her age. Had the backchat, door slamming, fighting with DD2 (12) since about age 14, but that's been quite mild teen behaviour compared to many.

But she's been more of a teen the last year, locking herself away and always hormonal and stressed. Think it's hit her she needs to grow up before going away to Uni, but doesn't quite know how. Has boyfriend too, but really not ready for a relationship, spends hours on line but never wants to meet up with him. Weird. Always asking my advice, then screaming as soon as I try and answer.

In my experience, they start to become lovely at 17. & are a delight for 3 months at 18 before they repay you for 18 years of being there for them through thick & thin by upping & going to university! So their new friends get the benefit of the funny, kind, and generous young adult they've become. If you're lucky, you might get their dirty laundry

So, they become lovely again at just about the time they leave for uni?

Can't see tha happening here. She's only just become her most horrible, and will (hopefuly) go in September. Maybe they become human again when they return home for w/e home comforts.

Mine emerged from the hell of the teenager years as she went into year 12.

21 in my experience with DD and DS1. They had their nice moments earlier, but they were reliably nice from 21. But then DS2 is 16 and has never gone through the horrible teenage moody years - he's always reliably nice; I suspect that smuggery will be wiped off me with DS3.

I have to agree it's about 5 minutes before the fuckers move out.

Suddenly they're independant, clean and attractive and often funny.

Then they go.

I need to vent! Spent the last hour crying and thinking that I am going crazy, that I can't do it anymore, that I can't sit and watch how my DS (almost 14) doesn't give a shit about the future.

All he cares about is friends and gaming. Nothing else. If you ask him to do his homework and put some effort in it is like asking for an arm and a leg. Homework is done in 5-10 min.

When I hear other Dcs doing 1-2 hours homework a day I wonder where did I go wrong...

And if I even dare asking if he is realising he is fucking up his grades all I get is "I don't care".

He is so bright... Is not me saying it, is his past results, got into a good school taking 11+ exams, now he just doesn't care at all.

Not sure I can actually deal with this for so many years to come.

Year 9 ? It's tricky.
next year when he gets onto his GCSE courses he might knuckle down and do some work.
Will his form tutor or head of year have a word with him ?
They might find an older boy to act as a mentor for him.

Then don't. You're the parent. Remove his games or rather give him time limits. That's not being horrible, that's being responsible. It's your job as a parent - certainly when he's only 14 - to attend to the longer term priorities. If you're not making this clear, how is he going to know that these are your priorities or why?

Yes, he'll claim to hate you. But if you don't lay down boundaries, he'll still claim to hate you and underneath all that, he'll know that boundaries are your way of showing you care.

Oh, and be very gentle, mature, assertive and nice. Because you really are doing it to be nice not mean. It's good if he understands that.

fleur it might be time to step back and give well 'ok its your life not mine'...and try it make it clear it is all about him ...have a conversation about choices and future career paths. I can only do so much - I'll help you as much as I can but I can't do it for you. All I want is for you to be happy but will you be happy in a bedsit struggling to feed yourself? (After a long conversation which included growing her own vegetables in a garden she wouldn't be able to afford DD1 said she'd just have to come back to live with us ...I said I don't think so ...and would she really want to ? ) Plant the seed in their mind.
Not saying it will work...it hasn't so far with DD1 (14) - next year is when she needs to buckle down.
But I think it is working in that she no longer says anything about doing work 'for you'...just for the teachers - who should be able to teach them everything at school and only want them to do well so they look good

Anyway 17???? I've got 3yrs plus to look forward to...and so far she hasn't been as bad as I expected it to be (always been hard work - just diagnosed with ADHD)...I'm expecting it to get worse...
Is it too late to get her adopted?

I should say she does still have boundaries -like no phone or laptop after 10 etc. But I won't stand over her and make her do school work -or bail her out or let her stay up all night to finish something she has had plenty of time to do ...
I know as a teen I felt I was supposed to do well at school just to please my parents. .. and as a rebellious teen that was the last thing I wanted to do ...actually completely dropped out ...

My girls were 'normal level' vile and hormonal from 13-16.. they actually battered eachother a few times (two years apart in age) but humanised after that, within the limits of their personalities (DD1 is high maintenance, has ADHD and anxiety but has been at Uni now for nearly 5 years doing medicine ..love her but defo can't live with her!) DD2 is easy and also away at Uni. Miss them both terribly but sometimes it is nice to have my space!

DS1 was HIDEOUS. From about 11 to 16.. you name it, he did it.. a lying, stealing, weed smoking wall smashing monster.

Then at 16 he got a job at Dominos in the evening (shortly after being informally curfewed by our local police, along with his friends).. discovered he liked working..and hasn't stopped since :) Started becoming human at 17, and now at 22 this weekend he is a lovely, kind, hard working young man, who adores his job as a support worker with severely disabled clients, who pays me rent, hasn't lost his temper in years...

It still amazes us..and everyone who knew him then... how UTTERLY different he is now

But I AM grey as a result !!!!!!!

And DS2 is 17..but autistic, gentle and hasn't hit his teens yet :D Never thought I would be glad about his disability but there are some up sides!!!