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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

GCSE,s looming. DD not studying at home.

73 replies

300Bananas · 01/03/2015 09:19

DD16 has exams in June but is just not doing any studying at home. She did ok in her mocks without any revision but i am still concerned. They do a lot of revision in school so I am kind of relying on this to get her through. There is no point going on at her as I cant force her to do work and I've tried having the chat about it but she only listens to what she wants to hear. She thinks she is doing enough to get into 6th form and thats good enough for her. She has no great ambitions in life other than wanting to leave home to share a flat with her pals when she gets a job.

Just one of the issues with her at the moment. Nothing too bad but when considered all together really frustrating!

Anybody else in this situation?

OP posts:

LadySybilLikesSloeGin · 09/03/2015 12:05

Good luck, poppymoon. I bought ds a CPG study guide for Maths. It's really clear and easy to read so would one of these help? They were buy one get one half price in Waterstones a week and a half ago. It should raise flags at the school if there's a lot of children failing the same subject really

That's great Green! Yes, very frustrating!

Ds actually did his homework before 10pm yesterday which was a first and he's been using the study guides to help too so it's good to see him starting. I just hope he doesn't grind to a halt.

poppymoon · 09/03/2015 16:02

well my email went down like a lead balloon. i thought i'd worded it very carefully too so as not to sound like i was concerned about the level of teaching in that group for ICT (especially as every kid in the other class with a different teacher has passed). DS is adamant i'm not to pay for the resit but i doubt he will pass on his coursework alone and the exam counts for 25%. mind you, if he's failed it 3 times already.......

i felt quite positive before my reply from his mentor as i thought that together we could try to steer him on track. now it seems that she has taken offense. bugger.

LadySybilLikesSloeGin · 09/03/2015 18:06

Must feel as though you can't win!

Can you find out what exam group he's doing the work for, pick up some past papers (there may be some on their web site), get him to go through a couple and work out where his weak spots are? 25% is a lot, especially if his coursework isn't great. It could mean the difference between a pass and a fail so it's worth doing.

Original poster

300Bananas · 09/03/2015 18:07

I just hope and pray that they are doing enough revision in school to get dd through as she's still doing nothing at home. Or at least after Easter she will do something. There is no point even bringing it up with her as it just ends in an argument :(

OP posts:

LadySybilLikesSloeGin · 09/03/2015 18:19

There's still a couple of months to go so don't give up hope. I think motivation is a problem at this age, I don't know how to help with that. Ds wants to study law so I've taken him to the court but it's not motivated him as much as I'd have liked. Probably best not to bring it up, teenagers will just get pissed off and rebel

Travelledtheworld · 09/03/2015 20:22

300Bananas I am in exactly the same position with my DD. Still has not done any visible revision. She has just got a small Saturday job, with my encouragement. So at least if she performs abysmally she can start building on these skills.

poppymoon · 09/03/2015 20:38

point blank refusal to do any more ICT :(

however, he has done some more on the maths paper tonight (its horrendous!!) and assures me he will ask his teacher to go over one particular question that he's struggling with. he's also asked me to get him a revision guide......hopefully he's going to work through it and isn't just humouring me.

like you, i'll be glad when the exams are over bananas.

LadySybilLikesSloeGin · 09/03/2015 20:43

That's a great start, poppy. Give him some time about his ICT, he must feel really disheartened . Does he have a back up plan?

Mabelface · 09/03/2015 20:45

I have three that are study resistant and it's driving me mad. Or it was. Now my three have to come in, have a drink and snack, do their job (like unloading the dishwasher) then crack on with revision. they then have from 6.30 to do whatever they like. I've also realised that whilst I can give them the tools and the space, I can't force them to do it.

poppymoon · 09/03/2015 21:16

his backup 'plan' is about as organised as the rest of his life ladysybil!! he keeps saying he will look at the prospectus and speak to college but i'm not sure when he intends to do this.

i have to let school know this week whether he will resit unit 1 (and send in the payment).

he's upstairs doing his physics at the moment (so he says). i wish he has an inkling of what he may like to do in the future. his priorities are seeing his friends and sleeping. there's so much going on at this stage in their lives, its overwhelming at times.

LadySybilLikesSloeGin · 09/03/2015 21:24

It's OK Has he had a careers interview or something? If he doesn't want to resit it then maybe just go with it. He can always do this at college in the future, open university or something. Maybe it's best to focus on the subjects that he's confident in. He should be able to change his A'Level choices, they are not set in stone just yet.

poppymoon · 09/03/2015 22:01

he's just been down for food - he really is doing his physics!! i think that his experience with ICT has totally put him off the subject for now so as you say, i am going to encourage him more in his other subjects and maybe he can resit at a later date.

he says he has had careers information days but still doesn't have any idea of what he wants to do, A level wise or beyond.

LadySybilLikesSloeGin · 09/03/2015 22:09

That's OK. Nothing worse then rushing into something and deciding half way through that you've made a massive mistake. I told ds to do the subjects that he's interested in (he wants to study Law at uni so there's no set subjects). Things are easier to learn if you find them interesting. Not doing the ICT resit should take a little pressure off him, hopefully. It's great that he's doing his physics, ds is currently playing a space game on his laptop

poppymoon · 09/03/2015 22:19

for that reason i encouraged him to choose the subjects he enjoyed most as his options and at the time, ICT was high up on his list. his strengths and weaknesses seem to have done an about turn in this last 12 months. he's flagging quite badly with maths whereas it was always a strong subject for him before, yet his english language is currently at a grade a.

i'm sure we'll look back on this period and laugh. one day. maybe

LadySybilLikesSloeGin · 09/03/2015 22:24

My secondary school was rubbish. A lot of the other kids went to college and re-sat the exams that they had failed at my school (and passed them). Sometimes they are easier when there's a different exam group making the exam, or different tutors teaching that subject. Is going somewhere else for 6th form and doing an ICT resit there an option? A for English is fab though There is a lot of things that he can do, it's quite daunting really, but there are lots of options. If things don't work out now it doesn't mean that they won't in the future.

NanaNina · 09/03/2015 22:41

Look please can I suggest that you all calm down......sorry I don't mean to sound arrogant but my "kids" are now in their 40s and I went through all the things that are mentioned on this thread. I remember an older woman at work laughing at me and saying "Oh yes, I think you can get a recording of all that sort of stuff .....been there, done it, what will be will be.........." and she was SO right.

I won't bore you with details of my sons' results/achievements etc. Suffice to say they are all doing well - married with families of their own, 1 a teacher, 1 an IT manager and 1 a nurse. One didn't get his degree until he was in his mid 30s.......and he was the one who was most motivated at school (though none of them were very motivated!)

I remember going into my youngest son's bedroom when he was supposed to be revising for A levels and he had his feet on the desk reading the Argos catalogue!! We often joke about that now.........and I shall never forget my eldest son who was at 6th Form college and not doing much work and I said "Ok clever dick what are you going to do when you fail your A levels" and he said "I'll get myself a sweatshirt saying "why didn't I listen to my mother............." I honestly can't remember my reaction - it was so long ago, but I've laughed about it since.

They'll be ok you know - one way or the other - some will know what they want to do, others won't have a clue, and there is so much chance in life I reckon, which can put someone on a path that's right for them. Some will move seamlessly through GCSE's A Levels and Uni, others will take longer. I think the main thing we can do as parents is support them and continue to do what we've always done, love them unconditionally.

Hope you will accept this post in the spirit in which it is written.

NanaNina · 09/03/2015 22:44

YES poppymoon you will look back on it and laugh ...... honest!

LOVE your comment Ladysybil about your son playing a space game on his laptop!!

LadySybilLikesSloeGin · 09/03/2015 22:52

Thank you, Nana

poppymoon · 09/03/2015 23:10

i'm all for being positive and knowing (hoping) that it will all turn out well in the end, its just so very frustrating watching them bumble along. i'm sure you had 'tearing your hair out' moments with yours too nana at this age :)

Original poster

300Bananas · 10/03/2015 07:56

Great post NanaNina. Yes I definitely need to calm down.

OP posts:

sillygiraffe · 12/03/2015 15:24

Oh dear 300. My dd sounds exactly like yours. Never mind actually doing some work, I am terrified she will be late for the exams! If they are late for exams I am sure they will not be allowed in to sit them.

She's late for everything. I dont think she would be late on purpose but she has no sense of urgency about anything. So, it might be wrong, but DH and I have agreed that we will do everything we can to get her to the actual exams on time, even if it means taking time off/out of work to do this. Then at least if she is there to sit the exams she might have a chance of passing some!

After that, then she is going to have to sort herself out and take some responsibility.

I love the comments by Nananina and hope that in 10 years time we can look back and laugh about all this.

Original poster

300Bananas · 25/03/2015 17:29

Well I have tried everything. DD is just not concerned about anything. I have even resorted to bribery of the monetary kind to get her to give up her precious easter holiday time and go in to school for extra revision for a few days. Its crazy and wrong but if thats what it takes :(

DD really struggles with maths and just will not let DH help her with this. I've offered to pay for a tutor and even offered to pay her to let her dad tutor her but she's not having it. How nuts is that? I know this is the totally wrong thing to do but I was desperate! She seems happy just to fail and resit at 6th form!

So I have done all that I can do. I will be doing no more nagging (I will try anyway).

Good luck to you all.

OP posts:

Travelledtheworld · 25/03/2015 19:58

300 Bananas I have also given up nagging my DD year 11 who is still steadfastly refusing to do any studying or revision outside school.
Right now she is binge watching Call Saul on Netflix.

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