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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

How do you show a 17 boy that you love him?(if you're his mum!)

45 replies

MrsJackAubrey · 28/02/2015 22:10

My daughter is easy - we talk, touch, give gifts, compliments, go to her activities...

But with my son - her twin - it is far far harder, even though i love him as much.

So I'd love to know, what do you do to show your son you love him?

OP posts:

Oakmaiden · 28/02/2015 22:13

Well, I blow kisses at him, hug him and tell him I love him.

I have a 17 year old boy too. He gets bashful, but I am fairly certain he appreciates it.

I don't see why you can't do the things you do with your daughter with your son. OK, it is different, as 17 year olds have a "male dignity that must not be dented", but still....

ragged · 28/02/2015 22:13

Aw, lovely thread topic. :)
My 15yo was well pleased to be given an unexpected lift home from the station this evening.

He shows me he loves me by dumping the cat on weird parts of my body.

Mitzi50 · 28/02/2015 22:17

Good thread - my 17 DS won't let me touch him . I try to show him that I love him by just being there and listening to his views and concerns. Making his favourite food is also good

Hassled · 28/02/2015 22:19

I tell him. Relentlessly, to embarrassing degrees. He doesn't seem to mind - or at least is too polite to object. But you're right - it is harder with boys, or at least some boys. We have bugger all in common apart from a shared love of Donna Tartt and Homeland - so I have to just tell him.

DramaAlpaca · 28/02/2015 22:20

I hug him, ruffle his hair, tell him I love him.

Show an interest in his hobbies & spend time just chatting to him. We talk a lot about music, books, history and gaming.

Having a full fridge & cooking his favourite meals always goes down well, too

elastamum · 28/02/2015 22:23

I give them hugs, make them teas and coffees, buy things I know they like and sort out food for them when they get in, listen to them as often as I can, talk about stuff and tell them I love them everyday. My parents are both dead and my biggest source of comfort has always been that I know how much they loved me. Sometimes my boys say 'love you too' back. It makes my day

caravanista13 · 28/02/2015 22:24

Lots of hugs and compliments. He rolls his eyes but doesn't protest too loudly.

TheFairyCaravan · 28/02/2015 22:25

I've got 2 sons (18&20), my 18 yo still lives at home. ,

I kiss him, cuddle him, tuck him in to bed at night sometimes. I'm interested in what he does, I ask him about his day, we go places together, we sit and talk, we cook together.

We go out together, I compliment him, I send him texts when I know he's having a hard time, I send him tweets of little cute animals in the mornings. I make him his favourite dinners, if I'm out I might buy him a packet of Jelly Tots or something because they were always his favourites.

I encourage him, tell him he can achieve his dreams and never end a phone call, text or leave the house with out telling him I love him.

DS1 is in the Army. I send him texts and and messages. I send him parcels and I always tell him I love him. We speak regularly on the phone and I cook his favourite dinners when he comes home and make him cakes to take back with him. When he lived here, it was similar to how I am with DS2.

snozzlemaid · 28/02/2015 22:31

I have a 17 year old ds too. Love how food features in a lot of these comments. I was going to say preparing his favourite food too and making sure we always have bacon and eggs in the fridge.
I get occasional hugs and tell him I love him when the time is right. We're sat here on the sofa now together and he has his legs stretched out over mine. I treasure moments like this as I know I won't have many more like this.

DramaAlpaca · 28/02/2015 22:33

snozzle my DS does the stretching his legs over mine thing too. It's so lovely, isn't it?

BafanaThesober · 28/02/2015 22:39

Ahh, mine is 13
I tell him I love him all the time, demand cuddles, send him funny pics and funny texts, tuck him in occasionally, jump on him in the morning to wake him up (very occasionally). Dance in the kitchen with him, tease him, ruffle his hair. Sing loudly in the car with him.

I hope all these things carry on when he is 17!!!
We just spent 4 days in London, just the two of us, as a "you are becoming a grownup person" present, I just hope that I do enough to keep the close bond I have qpwith him.

My DD is 17 and we are equally close, just in a very different way.

bigbluestars · 01/03/2015 08:14

Give him space, treat him with respect.

Luckily my 17 yo and I have the same sense of humour, so we can have each other in stitches with a few words or a knowing look. That really helps us be close.

tilliebob · 01/03/2015 09:17

My eldest DS is a 15 year old 6ft beanpole who still gives me the odd hug but often says he loves me. Yeah food features here too and I always go in for a chat when I come in from work - his room is first in from the front door - before I go and see his younger sibs. He often wants to chat when I am lying in my bed at some stupidly early time so I make a point of putting down my kindle or whatever and listening to him. He's just a wee boy in a big lanky body and I hope he never changes.

NeitherHereOrThere · 01/03/2015 09:29

Giving him your time is the main thing.

Be there for him - ask him about his day, take an interest his hobbies, if he plays sports, watch him play, provide lifts (which are the perfect opportunity to talk) and watch his favourite TV programmes with him, ask him what he thinks of the latest news story...

The occasional meal out, preferably in a pub away from his usual haunts is always appreciated.

AnnieMorel · 01/03/2015 09:29

I have a 16.5 year old.

I tell him I love him every day & he often gives me cuddles, I am still getting used to being cuddled by someone taller than his dad!

Even when I am lecturing him for terrorising his brother, I say how much we love him - it helps with the guilt trip!

RandomFriend · 01/03/2015 09:31

DS is nearly 17. I cook meals that he likes and I still get hugs from him.

MrsGuyGarvey · 01/03/2015 09:35

Oh God (12 year so Ds still gets into bed each morning for a cuddle before school) this isn't going to last is it

TheFirstOfHerName · 01/03/2015 09:37

15 year old boy:
I hug him, make him cups of tea, ask about his day, take him out for coffee, buy him the occasional item of clothing, let him choose what we watch on TV together and offer to help him with his revision.

Teenage boys are not an alien species.

ragged · 01/03/2015 10:22

Listening when they want to talk. Even if it's Warhammer or Airsoft.
Respecting him enough to give him autonomy to make decisions I don't like.

Bowlersarm · 01/03/2015 10:31

I have 3 teen DSes and there is no standard formula physically. One loves cuddles, one would back away, another happily tolerates them but won't instigate.

Talking in the car is great. I tend to say more emotional type stuff like that such as "we are always here for you" "there is nothing that you can't talk to me about no matter how bad you think it is" etc. so it's more casual and not face to face but a captive audience and hopefully is taken on board by them/him.

I try praise as much as possible too.

chocoluvva · 01/03/2015 10:33

Same as lots of other posters - listen, encourage, take an interest in his stuff, discuss stuff, be visibly pleased for him when he has successes, wait for him patiently and not lose my rag when he is making life needlessly difficult by forgetting stuff/being careless for the umpteenth time, compliment him, sympathise (but only up to a point as his teenage injustice-sensors work overtime). oh and buy him skincare stuff and chuck it on his bed, be welcoming to his mates (even though they're noisy, messy and sweaty)

I know what you mean though - you can do shopping, talk about clothes/text a DD.

Lancelottie · 01/03/2015 10:35

Catch his eye when we both find something funny.

Listen to his home-written guitar songs greater love hath no woman than this

weaselwords · 01/03/2015 10:36

Mostly I feed mine and give him money. He'll be 18 in August and off to uni after that and is clearly disengaging from us :(

God, I'm going to miss him.

hesterton · 01/03/2015 10:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bonsoir · 01/03/2015 10:40

Food is very important

And taking a really deep interest and being properly informed about the big decisions he needs to make about subject/university. Finding out about ideas (books, summer schools, talks etc) to help him nourish his thoughts. Going to stuff with him so that you can talk through afterwards.

Including him in family outings but being super relaxed if he prefers to study or see friends.

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