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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

How do you show a 17 boy that you love him?(if you're his mum!)

45 replies

MrsJackAubrey · 28/02/2015 22:10

My daughter is easy - we talk, touch, give gifts, compliments, go to her activities...

But with my son - her twin - it is far far harder, even though i love him as much.

So I'd love to know, what do you do to show your son you love him?

OP posts:

hunibuni · 01/03/2015 10:49

We watch the same programmes and go to the cinema together. Unexpected lifts that end with driving practice (with the added bonus of being able to talk a captive audience ), food, frequent random hugs and love you's. We have the same sense of humour so it doesn't take much.

DH says he can feel excluded at times and he struggles with their relationship, but it's a reflection of the difficulty he has with FIL too because they don't have a lot in common. However, his relationship with DD is something that I envy at times because she is very much a daddy's girl (which is why he'll get to deal with the teen years )

bruffin · 01/03/2015 11:14

Ds 19 Having a freshly baked danish ready for his work break. Lots of banter and teasing (both ways) and cuddles if i can reach.

CalicoBlue · 01/03/2015 13:42

My DS is 17 too. I try to tell him I love him and give him a hug every day. I usually get a "get off" or "go away" in response. I ignore his grumpyness and try to be positive and nice.

Food again, I make the cakes he likes, try and make sure there are brownies for when his friends come round. Buy him beer/cider. Cook his favourite food. Allow him freedom to go out and do what he wants. Show an interest in what he does and his plans. Try to make him feel good about himself.

SecretSquirrels · 01/03/2015 17:26

I have a 17 year old DS.
Agree with all the above.
Lots of hugs. We are both agreed, now that he is 6'3" that downwards hugs are better than upwards hugs.
Tell him I love him.
People watch together and have in jokes.
Be thrilled with his achievements.
Let him choose what to watch on tv and love watching it with him (currently Lost)
Cook his favourite meal.
Buy him a bar of chocolate.
Unexpected lifts home (calling via KFC).
Never say no if I can help it.
Listen to his taste in music.
Thankfully I no longer have to stand on a cold sports field showing support..

I would have no idea with a 17 year old girl but much the same probably?

Coconutty · 01/03/2015 17:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bruffin · 01/03/2015 18:02

I get the size 11 feet as well, coconutty. Dd tends to practically sit on me squeezing me into the corner

Original poster

MrsJackAubrey · 01/03/2015 21:59

oh you all sound like fab mums! Lots of ideas there.
I think I have forgotten that I can tell him I love him and not be afraid of his going 'oh MUM for god's sake ' which he did the last time

He's getting his braces off tomorrow and I'm going to make him a socking great cake to celebrate, I've just decided!

OP posts:

Coconutty · 01/03/2015 22:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BackforGood · 01/03/2015 23:13

I'm genuinely confused why it's any different for a boy, from a girl (I have an 18 yr old ds and a 16 yr old dd so isn't an alien concept to me)

Why would you say you can do to your dd's activities, but not your ds's ?
Why can you give your dd compliments but not your ds?
Why can you give your dd a hug or ruffle their hair, but not your ds?

chocoluvva · 01/03/2015 23:15

My DS would be mortified if I ruffled his hair or gave him a hug.

Samcro · 01/03/2015 23:17

ds is older now(23) but I have always given him a hug.. as he got older I make it more about how I need one....I still get them.....(blue moon)

BackforGood · 01/03/2015 23:26

Why Chocoluvva ?

ds loved it when he got bigger than me and he could first 'put his arms on top' in the hug, and then later big me up in a great big bear hug.

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 01/03/2015 23:32

Make his favourite meal
Give him the remote control, "your choice"
Pick them up from wherever they are when the weather is shitty and you know theyd planned to bus/walk it
Go to the cinema together and for a burger (their choice of film)
Take them a brew and a bacon sandwich one morning
Read whatever book they have been raving about
Tell them you love them

All unisex, surely?!

MedusaIsHavingaBadHairday · 01/03/2015 23:46

My sons are 17 and 21.

I still hug them... a lot whether they want one or not! DS1 was distant from age 13-16 ( and a hideous teen.. lying, smoking weed, stealing , wall smashing..you name it) and then magically became human again. These days he comes home from work, cuddles me, talks about his day and plays me music he has written.

I show interest in what makes him tick.. last night I went to his first 'headlining' gig at our local showcase club and was knocked senseless by how fantastic his music really is... I had NO idea. He was so pleased to spot DH and me there for him.

He comes in late and we have great conversations at midnight even though I need to go to bed ! Oh and I also cook random things he likes :)

DS2 is trickier because he is autistic with learning difficulties, but I try to make time to listen to him reciting his obsessions..I have to work harder at 'being with him' because he is very different but I think he knows we love him :)

I also have two girls and it IS different.. they are much more communicative generally even though they are away at Uni...

singaporefling · 02/03/2015 00:05

Ask him about football (even tho I have ZERO interest) ditto, latest XBOX game/lots of lifts/pickups just from around the corner/making his favourite food/foot rubs even when his feet are sweaty (which I'd never do for DH!) /hair ruffling...taking him to see (naff) films of HIS choice in a cinema faaar away from home when all his pals are busy/he's got nothing to do - even tho he says it's "weird" going with your mum... Wouldn't DARE ruffle DD21's hair after she's possibly spent hoooours arranging it artfully...

bruffin · 02/03/2015 06:25

Dh bought him and ds cineworld subscriptions so they go to the cinema a lot together.
I also still buy ds the odd pack of pokemon cards for nostalgia.

IDismyname · 02/03/2015 06:32

Food, money, and hugs (when he's checked no one else is around)!!

chocoluvva · 02/03/2015 09:49

Back - it's a shame. DH and I are physically reserved as are both our families - I actually feel quite uncomfortable when people greet me or say goodbye with a hug.

But I'm sure DS knows he's loved - he knows I'm there for him, pleased for him, want what's best for his health and happiness and that I'm interested in him and what makes him tick. And that I put myself out to support him with his stuff. And that I'll stand up for him if need be. And run around after him with hot drinks, home-made soup, vitamins, hot-water bottles etc when he's ill.

We have a lot of discussions about 'stuff'.

ancientbuchanan · 03/03/2015 22:48

Shout ' love you' in a matter of fact voice at him when Gf slams the door to go off out,

Pat him occasionally on the arm

Point out that I do love his feet but I like them and his socks more when they are less stinky

Ask dumb questions about bloody Arsenal

Hug him when he goes off to or comes back from a trip

Roar with laughter at his jokes

Laugh at the end if telling him off and say " oh god I do love you"

Sign off texts with either love mum or mum x

Make bloody Welsh cakes for him as it is St David's day even though I have got pneumonia.

Go for walks with him and the dog so he can download his woes

Tell him going on z school trip was far far more important than revising for his AS mocks

Tell him how proud I am his mocks were not a complete disaster ( see above)

Tell him how witty he is

Tell him at awkward times how much we both love him.

ancientbuchanan · 03/03/2015 22:53

Gf, no, he slams the door.

He pats me on the head occasionally these days.

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