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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

14 yr old daughter PREGNANT!

60 replies

Mrsbapandbabies · 17/02/2015 20:38

Help! My 14 year old has told me that she is pregnant and is planning to keep it! I am so devastated for her and furious at her all at the same time. She can't move out as she'll only be 15 when its born so I'm going to have to have her here. There is nothing I can do and I feel like this is totally out of my control and I hate it. I'm too young to be a grandma!!! What do I do??

OP posts:

fattymcfatfat · 17/02/2015 22:55

when I had DS I was 17 and living with my mum (16 when I got pregnant). my mum did offer once to do the night shift as DS was up every hour literally. .I refused as I had my stubborn head on! stupid me other than that one offer.it was all down to me. he is now 6 and he is amazing I wouldnt swap being his mum for anything. he made my life worthwhile (suffered severe depression before DS and was suicidal) he gave me reason to live.
I sincerely hope things work out for you and your DD whatever she decides. and I hope she makes the right decision for her, if that is keeping the baby so be it or if she does decide on a termination then that's also down to her. just remember not to push her as she needs you to be calm and level headed even if you dont feel it

Original poster

Mrsbapandbabies · 17/02/2015 22:59

Oh, I wouldn't have thrown her out! What I meant is she doesn't have the option to move out and have her own space. The space in our house is finite and she won't have as much space as would be ideal, but there are no other options. When I had her I had to move out. I was told by my mum that she had done her time with babies and I could have one, but in my own house!

I have a degree, am in the middle of a masters and have a professional qualification. It can be done but it's hard! I wanted her to go to uni and get pissed on a Wednesday with her mates with no Thursday morning concequences. Go travelling for a year. Live life without responsibility! That's why I'm sad.

To the kind person who offered up her 14 month old, I have a 3 yr old and a 4 yr old thanks and they're a whirlwind of excitement...

OP posts:

Original poster

Mrsbapandbabies · 17/02/2015 23:03

Ohfore, I'm ok! Upset but coping. I flit between wanting to kick her arse and cuddling her and not letting her go!

OP posts:

claraschu · 18/02/2015 07:02

Oh OP I am sorry you are going through this, and it is great to hear all the success stories on here. You sound like you will be a huge support and do a great job helping your daughter.

I mentioned abortion earlier because my experience with my three teens has shown me again and again that they can be absolutely sure about something and then do an about face a few days later, with no apparent memory of their earlier opinion. That's why I think it might be worth keeping the dialogue open about termination, including lots of information, personal stories, etc. I know how incredibly stubborn kids this age can be too though, but sometimes when they seem most stony faced they actually hear part of what you are saying.

homebythesea · 18/02/2015 08:30

You haven't mentioned the involvement of the father here. The baby is 50% his. You need to get him and his family involved with discussions at this early stage.

LIZS · 18/02/2015 08:54

You are getting a bit ahead of yourselves with talk of pru etc. take one step at a time. Presumably she has done a test, did she do it correctly, has she redone one to check. What are her dates? Has she told bf and his family? Make a gp appointment so that she gets in the system and she/you can ask for a relevant support worker. There may be ss involvement and a counsellor she can meet to review her options.

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 18/02/2015 09:15

I think you should sit down with her and talk about the next few steps.

Confirmation of pregnancy with GP
Referral to MW (my GP did this but she may need to do it seperatley)
Pre natal vitamins
Have the boy and his parents round for dinner
Inform School and arrange a plan to continue her education in some way.

I would have her do all of the above.

Ohfourfoxache · 18/02/2015 09:55

I can't imagine what you're going through. We're the same age and I'm still getting to grips with expecting dc1.

What support do you have in rl? As mum, you are going to be "primary supporter" for your dd - she's your baby and you want to protect her. But it's important that you also have support.

supportingparents2014 · 18/02/2015 17:02

Oh my!! I can't even read the full thread.

I'm the mother of a 13 year old who had a baby. She's 15 now and GS is 2.

There's so much I'd like to say, share... I could still fill a sheet of paper with tears!

My blog is all about how I coped. How we, coped.

scarleteen13.wordpress.com/2015/01/03/pale-grey/

Feel free to pm me if you would like support, a chat, shed a tear.... I'm here :) x

WasWildatHeart · 23/02/2015 21:44

Have you got Family Nurse Partnership in your area? It is brilliant for the young parents and the baby - do ask your midwife!

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