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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

DS's head kicked like a football. It was filmed. What to do.

33 replies

Spidermama · 11/01/2015 15:51

DS, who's nearly 15, had a fight one on one with and old enemy. While the two were on the ground four or five of the other guy's friends went in and kicked DS. There's film of this which another Dad has told DH about. Apparently one boy runs in and kicks DS's head 'like it's a football'.
DS has a swollen face and eye socket. He's been too A&E. No break or fracture on the eye socket but the nose is probably broken. Too swollen to be sure at the moment.

I want to go the police. There is film of the incident. DS is going ABSOLUTELY MENTAL at the prospect of my reporting it saying it would ruin his life and he wants to deal with it in his own way.

It turns out 'his own way' is getting older, harder kids to go and 'have a word', scare the shit out of this kid and probably beat him up. Putting petrol on the flames in other words and using violence on violence on violence on violence on violence on violence. Sad

Another possibility is that we could show the film to this other kid's school. The kids kicking my son are in school uniform though it didn't happen on school grounds.

I feel completely out of my depth. I have a 9 year old ds who looks up to his 15 year old brother. I don't know about violence. I've never been in a family with a violent person in it before. I'm very upset and confused.

OP posts:
5madthings · 11/01/2015 15:53

Go to the police, absolutely.

Stubbed · 11/01/2015 15:55

Go to the police. You should not encourage your son to solve it by returning with violence

MulledLairyFights · 11/01/2015 15:57

You need a copy of that video. It's evidence. Can your DH obtain it from the other dad? I bet a million to 1 it's on Facebook.

Go to the police. If need be tell DS the hospital reported it because of the nature of the injury and his age.

That's horrendous.

BCBG · 11/01/2015 15:58

Absolutely, go to the police This will escalate very quickly otherwise.The film may have been destroyed by now but if not that is important evidence which needs to be secured quickly. the level of violence shown is appalling and could easily have resulted in life changing injuries. I am a youth magistrate so have some context on this. It will be hard on your ds if you report it but it has to be done - there is no easy way to help him but letting him alone to face it is not the right thing to do.

queenofthepirates · 11/01/2015 16:00

Of course you should go to the police, this is out of your son's hands when someone kicks like that. Next time it could kill someone so no more mucking around. Police today. Please.

FWIW, my teenage friend died after a stranger kicked him in the head in a similar incident. The family have never really recovered 20 years later.

BCBG · 11/01/2015 16:01

By the way, your son is not 'a violent person'. He is trying to cope with challenges the best way he can. This is where you have to step in and help him, not label him, as ultimately that might cause him even more problems than the ones he's trying to solve right now.

IamTitanium · 11/01/2015 16:03

This is a really tough situation.
But where does the violence end? Someone either has to drop it or choose a different way e.g police.
You son is ultimately still a "child", you have to do the right thing as his parent even if at the moment that is not a popular choice.

Theas18 · 11/01/2015 16:03

Police before somebody ends up dead :(

CarmelasFridge · 11/01/2015 16:04

Kicking someone in the head is attempted murder. Go to the police.

Perfectlypurple · 11/01/2015 16:07

Definitely police. If your son did sort out retaliation I am sure the parents of that boy would be straight to the police.

Cocolepew · 11/01/2015 16:08

Absolutely police. I hope your DS recovers well.

AnyFucker · 11/01/2015 16:10

Please go to the police

This is one of those times where you have to an adult and over ride the wishes of a child

kicking a head like a football is very likely to kill someone, your son is very lucky

if the perpetrator is stopped before he does manage to commit murder, then that will be lucky for him too

3littlefrogs · 11/01/2015 16:11

Police and school straight away.
Obtain and save a copy of the video.
Get this recorded on your son's medical records along with photographs.
You must observe your Ds very carefully for delayed concussion.

HouseWhereNobodyLives · 11/01/2015 16:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Cocolepew · 11/01/2015 16:15

My DD was assaulted by 2 girls, not to this degree and the police took it very seriously.

Cocolepew · 11/01/2015 16:15

My DD was assaulted by 2 girls, not to this degree and the police took it very seriously.

wanderings · 11/01/2015 16:16

Explain to your DS about criminal records. Explain that if he takes matters into his own hands instead of going to the police, there is a very real risk that he could be prosecuted, which could affect his job prospects for the rest of his life.

Instead, it should be the aggressor who gets punished - time the police know who they are (if they don't already). The aggressor is probably hoping your DS won't go to the police.

SukieTuesday · 11/01/2015 16:20

Please go to the police. No teenager ever wants their parents to go to the police or school.

When he's feeling less bruised ask your DS to google 'eggshell skull law' and 'life changing head injuries.' His way of dealing with things could end up with him in a young offenders institution or unable to live an independent life.

ASAS · 11/01/2015 16:22

Good grief. Feeling physically ill for you.

Original poster
Spidermama · 11/01/2015 16:36

Thanks everyone. We will go to the police. He himself called police when he was mugged of his iPhone by a lad known to him. Even though the boy eventually pleaded guilty and ds got some compensation (good result) he hated the whole experience and regretted ever reporting it.

OP posts:
wakeupandsmellthecoffee · 11/01/2015 16:38

Get a copy of video then police all the way .

ASAS · 11/01/2015 16:49

If it's been filmed it may never even be disclosed that he/you reported it, it could be assumed the police got the initial information from elsewhere. However I do hate the 'don't be a grass' notion so I'm not condoning this, it just might soften it a bit for your DS.

BertieBotts · 11/01/2015 17:40

I'm so glad you're going over his head with this and going to the police - he's 15, he can't possibly understand what "dealing with it himself" could lead to. (Much, much more likely to ruin his life sad to say). Sorry he's had a bad experience in the past, but it's important. He might well be mad about it now but I think he will definitely thank you in the future.

silverbangles66 · 11/01/2015 17:43

Just wanted to say how awful, and sending you support and strength. What a horrible situation. Flowers

JennyOnTheBlocks · 11/01/2015 17:51

I'm glad you're going to the police, just be aware the hospital safeguarding team might have been informed too, with DS being a minor. They would want you to have involved the police, with it being such a serious assault.

Hope DS recovers soon, and is able to take the right course of action.

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