The most pathetic argument in the world!

[niceguy2]

Surely this must rank as the most pathetic argument in the world.

So yesterday DD(18) was asked to cook dinner because I was busy finishing up some work in the study and my wife was also working late. This she did. She decided to cook a Thai green curry She then called me to ask why the sauce hadn't thickened so I said she needed to use cornflour.

So she starts to sprinkle cornflour and I stop her and told her how to do it properly. She refuses to do this and said she prefers to do it her way. I let her and she starts to sprinkle the TINIEST bit of cornflour which of course doesn't do anything. I tell her again. She again refuses. I explain why and she starts having a go at me saying that she's 18 years old and why can't i just let her do it the way she wants. I tell her cos her if she wants to be treated like an adult then she shouldn't act like a 4 year old.

She starts to tell me that I should be grateful she's even cooking. My reply is "Errr no. You live here and only have to cook once a week whilst you eat 7 days a week!"

Culminating with her crying and demanding to know why she has to do exactly what I want and what is the big deal I have over cornflour!

I start to laugh at this point because the argument is getting a bit bizarre. Unfortunately this makes things even worse and she stomps off to her room not to be seen until this morning.

I try to make the peace by asking her if we're good. But nope...she's not interested. Slams the proverbial door back in my face.

She's just ventured downstairs because she's got a uni interview tomorrow. I offer her a lift to the train station (40 min walk) but nope...not interested.

As far as she's concerned I'm being totally unreasonable.

The irony is that just the night before she was in tears because she's losing one of her best friends since her friend moved colleges and is struggling to make new ones. If this is the way she is with her friends then God help her!

Problem is how do I move things on?? How do I teach her that you just have to move on or you end up alienating people for no good reason. I haven't even raised my voice!

Sorry for the mini-moan. I know in comparison this is small potatoes to what some of you are going through. But the problem with my DD is she's very much like her mother personality-wise. She'd cut off her own nose to spite her face and has walls up all around her desperate to make sure no-one can see she's upset/hurt. The problem is that the result is her mum is all alone with no friends, even her own family have walked away and she only sees our kids once every few months now. I don't want my DD to end up like that!

That sounds exactly like the kind of stupid arguments I have with my teen dcs - you're not alone op! It's frustrating when they crash around shouting how nothing works right but then refuse to be shown!

Sounds like my 18YO DD too - you can't tell her anything. She desperately wants to be independent, (and is quite independent) but doesn't have much confidence.

FWIW, it must be pretty demoralising to have your attempts at cooking go 'wrong'. She was probably embarrassed. (My DD sends me photos of meals she's cooked in her student flat with messages along the lines of, 'Proud of myself').

I had a similar situation last week when DD and I were wallpapering her bedroom. Hurriedly. We were trying to paper round a corner . DD insisted on pressing the paper firmly onto the wall not allowing for any movement. And she kept cutting the paper very slightly too short, despite me repeatedly telling her to make it longer than she thought then trim it. She had never papered before. I had. Her constant arguing was getting on my nerves. I was tired, had a hundred other things to do before today. I raised my voice. - doesn't happen often these days. Well, she put on her coat and set off to go back to her flat. Then she came in again as it was raining very heavily. Then I remembered that you can't paper round a corner.....

Likewise, as other posters have said, cornflour in a curry isn't great. (I recommend creamed coconut). Perhaps like me, you sometimes give advice which isn't good and your DD knows that. So she didn't believe you. Or wasn't actually asking for advice (you would know better than us, as you were there obviously)

Creamed coconut will thicken curry - dissolve a chunk in the bottom of the pan and stir in.

Teenagers don't have much life experience so they do tend to over-estimate their contribution to the running of the household IME.

Encouragement is the way to go IMO.

Sorry if that post was off the mark about you giving advice that isn't always correct. Just a thought.