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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Teenagers

Completely and utterly worn out with teen tantrums

77 replies

moomoo1967 · 06/12/2014 21:29

.....give me the terrible twos any time ! It has been every day after work, before I have even had time to sit down or to get a cuppa or any food. Today's one was because she couldn't log onto the WIFI after we had a supplier change. Quite a few swear words so her phone was confiscated. She asked for her fone back after about two hours which I gave back to her but only because I had taken the Sim out of it. It is so hard especially as our house is so small that there is nowhere to get away from it all. Also no one to take the strain as I am the only parent.
There were a few parents discussing the fact that their DC tend to play up when there is a full moon, worth researching maybe but I doubt much we can do about it. Please tell me it gets better ?

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Itsfab · 07/12/2014 19:12

Sympathy from me. 13 year old ds refused to empty the dishwasher (his rotad job) as he had cleaned the table (dd's job). He caused a problem with DD while doing it which is why I didn't just swap the jobs.
We have not done it and won't do it. DH has decided they can wash up instead. I have taken down the job list and said no pocket money until they start helping. I have done 4 wash loads at least today and there is another 3 to do. They look at clothes and put them to wash. I am sick of it. I went so wrong that my kids don't want to help just because it is a nice and right thing to xdo.

moomoo1967 · 07/12/2014 19:31

She has just said she is leaving the house as she doesn't want to stay here tonight. I went to my room to avoid confrontation and she has followed niggling at me and saying she is leaving. Such a good job I don't have work tomorrow as I doubt I will get much sleep tonight

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moomoo1967 · 07/12/2014 19:32

Thanks itsfab and I don't envy you having two. Teens seem to have such a sense of entitlement that they can not do jobs but still haveoney to buy things and go out with their mates

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moomoo1967 · 07/12/2014 19:39

She flew off the handle on Friday evening because I tried to help her cook her noodles, so I said that if she carried on being disrespectful I would cancel Xmas presents as why should I spend money on her the way she is being at present

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Itsfab · 07/12/2014 19:55

moomoo - I have three kids. The youngest is nine.

Ignore her threat to leave, she wants you to panic and then she'll swoop and get her stuff back.

I really don't like my kids at the moment but I love them so much I am too bloody soft but not anymore. I am stopping all the extras i do for them.

moomoo1967 · 07/12/2014 20:12

Itsfab I know exactly how you feel, I have just reached that point. I am a fat bitch but she is making her sandwich for lunch tomorrow. I really do not like her at present but obviously love her to bits, a weird situation to be in. How I am managing to keep my cool I do not know.

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moomoo1967 · 07/12/2014 20:13

It has been relentless all weekend, Friday night, most of Saturday and now tonight.

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usualsuspectsparkly3 · 07/12/2014 20:22

You need to pick your battles or life will just be one long fight. Give her her sim card back and then talk calmly.

Compromise, forever grounding and confiscating her stuff doesn't work.

moomoo1967 · 07/12/2014 20:27

Usual suspect I have tried compromising, we have had chats about things the past few weeks. She says she will stop then carries on. She has just called me a fat bitch and thick cunt so there is NO way she is having her sim card back. I am not paying her to be talked to like this, she get Â£20 per month pocket money and her mobile paid for which is Â£28 per month. I have said that when she can talk to me without name calling and foul language then we can talk about her getting her sim back. She can still communicate using the home WIFI

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Itsfab · 07/12/2014 20:28

You are NOT a fat bitch and don't let anyone get away with saying you are.

usual - I was all about to your comment about giving her her sim card back but have to agree that confiscation of stuff doesn't work. My kids are forever losing their phones and lap tops and they are still badly behaved buggers. What do you suggest we do? I am still washing clothes that could be worn again, picking up wet towels off the floor, reminding them about a million things, telling them the same stuff over and over and getting strops when I ask them to do the bare fucking minimum. They don't get on. They tell tales all the bloody times and don't care about DH and my feelings or appreciate when we do. DD was no happy no roast dinner today. I wasn't happy we spent money going tot he cinema and then they couldn't sit in the car for 15 minutes while I went into asda without fucking arguing and hitting each other.

moomoo1967 · 07/12/2014 20:29

I survived a physically abusive relationship with her father and now I am being verbally abused. I have to stand my ground with the sim card. Maybe when she stops swearing at me and me then we can talk but she cannot be let think that this is normal otherwise she will do it again

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moomoo1967 · 07/12/2014 20:31

I have never stood my ground before re her phone but I just cannot back down on that particular issue.

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usualsuspectsparkly3 · 07/12/2014 20:33

It is difficult,but getting into a cycle of confiscating their stuff and the resulting resentment doesn't work imo.

It's absolutely not on for her to call you those names, OP.

I found that not reacting worked a lot of the time.

Itsfab · 07/12/2014 20:37

It is pretty horrible feeling like all you do is tell your kids off but it is also crap to be treated like shit and see your child in tears because of their siblings behaviour.

moomoo1967 · 07/12/2014 20:41

usualsuspects - what do you do then ? re consequences etc for bad behaviour

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usualsuspectsparkly3 · 07/12/2014 20:50

I never really did consequences when my kids were teens. They would never have called me names.

Things like swearing I wasn't really bothered about as long as they weren't swearing at me.

Messy rooms were ignored.I only washed what was in the washing basket etc.

moomoo1967 · 07/12/2014 20:57

well unfortunately she IS calling me names and IS swearing at me, and is throwing things at me. She has not been brought up to be like this, she has always been feisty but her behaviour the past few days has been disgraceful. My DM is absolutely shocked

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moomoo1967 · 07/12/2014 21:07

She is in the shower so all positive signs that she is planning on hoing to school tomorrow, unless she is leaving home lol. I will deal with the other things when I have sorted it out in my head prob tomorrow night

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bigTillyMint · 07/12/2014 21:30

How old is she, moomoo?

We have had all of this (and will have more, no doubt)

Personal insults from DD were worst when she was about 13. We tried our best to remain calm and tell her to go to her room, which she did with a bit of screeching. And then later calmly telling her that personal insults were not acceptable. Over time, she stopped doing it.
There was almost fisticuffs the first time I tried to confiscate her phone so I decided that that wasn't going to be a good way to try to punish if we had to physically fight her to get the phone! DS is fine about handing his over
She sometimes made threats like not going to school, etc, but never carried it out.
And of course, she was an angel outside the home!
I have found that staying calm on the outside and telling her to go to her room has been pretty effective, as once we have all calmed down, we can have a discussion about the problem and sort it out. This has been particularly important when she was being bullied and needed to feel loved and supported.

Now at 15, she has far fewer tantrums and is happy to spend time with us much more - there is a little light at the end of the tunnel, but we have the GCSE stresses now

usualsuspectsparkly3 · 07/12/2014 21:36

I used to say' I'm not listening to you' if they kicked off. I did tell them to go to their rooms to cool off and to come and talk to me when they could be civil.

moomoo1967 · 07/12/2014 22:04

Bigtilly she is 14. I have tried saying go to your room but today she just said 'if you want to get away from me then you leave' and refuse to. Which is why I went to my room tonight to avoid it getting into a confrontation, she then followed me up there and carried on. At 2110 she came and apologised however this has been the pattern over the last 2 weeks then tomorrow will be the same again. I asked if she had thought of the 5 things she wanted to change and she said no, so tomorrow when she has we can talk. I am NOT going to put up with being called a thick cunt or a fat bitch by a 14 year old ! I would never have dreamed of calling my Mum anything like that and would have got a thick ear had I done so.

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moomoo1967 · 07/12/2014 22:04

And yes don't fight over the fone, take the charger lol or change the WIFI password.

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Madamecastafiore · 07/12/2014 22:06

I worked in a CAMHS inpatient unit and the Luna cycle definitely had an effect.

mineofuselessinformation · 07/12/2014 22:20

It sounds like you're standing firm. Good for you, keep going.
She will try and chip away at you over the next few days as she knows things have changed. Stay calm (and sleep when she's at school tomorrow!)

moomoo1967 · 07/12/2014 22:28

Latest update - DD has made her lunch and showered and is now in bed. So I think in the morning I shall keep an ear out for her to make sure she gets up then do all the jobs that have gone by the way side over the weekend and get a couple of hours sleep if need be. Night everyone

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