Completely and utterly worn out with teen tantrums

[moomoo1967]

.....give me the terrible twos any time ! It has been every day after work, before I have even had time to sit down or to get a cuppa or any food. Today's one was because she couldn't log onto the WIFI after we had a supplier change. Quite a few swear words so her phone was confiscated. She asked for her fone back after about two hours which I gave back to her but only because I had taken the Sim out of it. It is so hard especially as our house is so small that there is nowhere to get away from it all. Also no one to take the strain as I am the only parent.
There were a few parents discussing the fact that their DC tend to play up when there is a full moon, worth researching maybe but I doubt much we can do about it. Please tell me it gets better ?

[bigTillyMint]

Yes, it sounds like you're keeping as calm as possible and standing firm. And definitely not standing for being called stuff like that. I too would never have dreamed of calling my mum anything like that.

Fingers crossed she gets up and goes without more drama and shouting this morning.

[moomoo1967]

Sounds too good to be true but no drama, no shouting and she asked what was for dinner tonight before she left. We just need to find a suitable time for a chat about things and try to find a way to move forward

[NoelleHawthorne]

WHy do you let her swear at you?

[NoelleHawthorne]

if ANY child called me a cunt( fat or thin) there would be no wifi or phones for at least a week.

[Cerisier]

If DD called me fat I would agree with her. The name calling is just to get a reaction so don't react and it might well stop. Or walk away- if there is no audience there's not much point in a performance.

I agree with usualsuspect- there is no point in confiscating things, it won't change behaviour. Long talks and doing things together to connect are more helpful. Try to avoid reacting and judging and listen more would be my advice.

[moomoo1967]

why do I let her swear at me ? I didn't she had her phone confiscated.

[moomoo1967]

and listen more, I do listen and have done so over the last few months when she has come to me with her problems. I haven't judged her, I have listened and we have come up with ways for her to deal with what has been going on. She had the chance last night for us to talk calmly about what had happened over the weekend but she didn't want to

[moomoo1967]

I have tried walking away and all she does is follow me as mentioned in earlier posts.

[NowWhatIsit]

Time to get a lock on your bedroom door?

[jobchanger]

my dd has racked up her dramaqueenact. I am currently taking her electronic equipment from her

[Cerisier]

Can DD go and stay at her grandma's or another relative's for a few days to give you a break? It will be the holidays soon so she wouldn't miss any school. None of the posturing and name calling means anything really, she is confused and pushing against you. I bet she would be an angel for anyone else (and the stress of being on her best behaviour will tire her out like it did my DD).

One thought- when she follows you when she is in a bad mood, can you go out or take a long bath until she calms down?

[Itsfab]

moomoo - I hope you managed to sleep.

It is so easy to say why do you let your child swear at you? These people clearly don't realise you don't have a switch that you press to allow your children to speak or not. They say what they want and then it is out there and you have to deal with it.

There have been consequences to DS1 refusing to do his job last night but he won't be fully aware until tea time tonight and then we shall see what happens.

Horrible feeling like I am picking on my kids when my nature is to look after them and do lots for them but enough is more than enough. I have kept busy so at least all the bathrooms and now clean.

[moomoo1967]

thanks itsfab, I have just woken up now I must have nodded off on the sofa watchingThis Morning. I was focusing on the positive and when all is said and done we have to do what is best for our individual families.

[NoelleHawthorne]

I do have my own kids. They wouldnt dare swear at me.
Some boundaries have gone here and need to be reestablished.

[moomoo1967]

Cerisier my family all live about 100 miles away. Usually she does go up for a week at Xmas but I couldn't afford the £100 train fares this year as my employers have stopped us having the bonus I used to use. The only thing I could do is go and sit in the pub at the bottom of the road but unfortunately this weekend I didn't even have enough money to buy a half or a coffee

[moomoo1967]

A friend has just offered to have her for a night but I don't want it to seem that she is being rewarded with a night away for misbehaving. I was tempted to talk to school about it but I doubt there is much they will do as her behaviour is fine at school.

[moomoo1967]

NoelleHawthorne I can't read anywhere that someone said that you didn't. But the comment you made wasn't really very helpful. Two of us asked you for advice and all you came back with was' my kids would never call me names' so not very constructive

[Alonglongway]

I have DDs 14 and 17, also on my own with them. 17 yr old pretty good these days and she gets embarrassed when she sees some of DD2's 14 yr old behaviour and I point out she was just the same, or worse!

We've had plenty of this sort of thing.

I think confiscating stuff really reminds them that they aren't adults yet and tips them back to the more immature behaviour. It never worked for me. But if you are driven to it, try for short immediate consequences - you get it back when you come and apologise for swearing - that sort of thing

Choose calm times to talk about language rules. My older one used bitch for a while when arguing with her sister - I banned it and droned on and on and on about how much it offends me. It has worked - she has never said it to me and I never hear them say it to each other at home now, though I know it's used all the time at school

How is she with eating? My older one is only now really grasping that when she doesn't eat all day she has horrible mood swings and makes bad decisions.

[moomoo1967]

You have just reminded me of something there Alonglongway, earlier this year I had problems with her fainting, I took her to the docs and she got referred to consultant, part of the problem is that she wasn't eating breakfast. However thinking on it yesterday she ate quite a large lunch, and then made herself noodles for dinner but it may be something I need to keep an eye on again. Hard as I leave the house for work before she leaves for school most days. It is reassuring that they seem to come through it but I wish I had a fast forward button

[Cerisier]

One of my DDs had horrendous mood swings which were cured by her going on the pill. She went on it to avoid painful periods during a long exam season but we quickly realised the mood swings weren't happening. She was so much happier and calmer. It might be something worth discussing with the GP. Looking at DD's diet sounds a good idea too.

[moomoo1967]

We have an appointment with the Nurse for her booster jabs(as the school lost her form) so I may ask the Nurse then, thanks for the idea.

[bigTillyMint]

Yes, yes to them needing food regularly! And lots of carbs! And lots of sleep, though sadly their bodies seem to fight the normal sleep/wake times, which is what makes term-time even worse.

I wonder if the mini-pill might help DD too. She has bad periods and I know mine were horrendous from the word go, plus I have always had really bad PMT. Definitely worth thinking about.

[moomoo1967]

I would just like one day not to be stressful. She came home from school and kicked off again today. Plus I have just seen a photo on FB, of her and her "ex" boyfriend. In my house last week. I know it is last week as the Advent calender is in the background ! I hate that she is now lying to me, he treated her really badly. I never said anything against him just listened when she cried over him.

[bigTillyMint]

Yes, and we have had ex-boyfriend shenanigans too. It's not easy, is it?

Maybe there is stuff going on that she is not telling you about and she is taking out her more frustrations than usual on you? I have found that to sometimes be the case here.

[moomoo1967]

I have been racking my brains trying to think, I wouldn't even pretend that she tells me everything but what hurt was that I welcomed him into our home, never stopped her seeing him and now she is lying to me. He is very jealous which of course I am worried might turn into controlling