Christmas with teenagers

[Kaz2200]

Not sure if this is in the right topic, but would be interested in your views. I have two teenage girls 13 and 16, the youngest if ok about christmas, but the eldest just wants to be out with her friends. I dont have a problem with that as such, but I would like to make christmas as good as I can. Over the years are family has dwindled, so this year it is just the four of us, we will be going to the inlaws for lunch, but husband and his father do not get on. Also, we have a familty business which means husband is at work until late christmas eve and only off for two days. Should I force eldest daughter to do some things with us in the hope that she will enjou herself, or should I resign myself to them doing there own thing, knowing this is what they really want to do.

I've found that just keeping the childhood traditions going regardless of how teen your kids are still keeps 'the magic' alive.

So, they still have stockings. We still go to the carol service for a good sing along, though we switched to the Xmas eve midnight one instead of Xmas morning when they decided sleeping was more important than presents.

Cooked breakfast before church in prep for a late lunch turned into late continental breakfast with Bucks Fizz (for the adults).

Eating the bacon off the turkey/cocktail sausages was mandatory.

Lunch being an hour later than planned - a tradition in our family.

Only opening one present before breakfast, 'santa' presents after, and family presents from under the tree after lunch - they voted to keep that going.

When they were younger teens we used to remind them that other parents might like to spend the day with their kids and they weren't going visiting until early evening and we could be sure they wouldn't be interrupting Xmas lunch.

But we find because we've still got stuff going on during the day, and we are legendary for endless board games accompanied by tubs of Heroes and Celebrations their friends come to us. Getting rid of them is another matter.....

HesNotAMessiah, how lovely that the teens come to yours for board games

I think you have to accept that things evolve, and not try to make people do things "because it's traditional".

After all, I'm likely to go to sleep before them on Christmas Eve; it's great that no-one stirs at 5.30 am to check what FC's brought; excellent that they can now all contribute to a bit of vegetable peeling / table laying / dishwasher loading / etc. - look at all the positives.
Along with all those changes though, comes the acceptance that, after dinner they will probably all disappear into their rooms for a bit ~ it's what teenagers do.
Mine still love all coming together with wider family, but, around that, will probably do more with their friends. It's not bad, just different.

Christmas Eve night put on a cheesy film, get some chocolate, make coke floaters and paint each other's toe nails. Don't do activities all day, just have a couple of hours in the evening together. Christmas Day they will usually play a game and have a laugh. But there is lots of talking to friends too. D Bf comes over in the eve which is lovely too.
I let my teens do what they want Boxing Day and the rest of Xmas.
I found New Year's Eve difficult at first when they didn't want to be with us.

BackforGood, i agree with every syllable of your post.

It is growing up.

Possibly it helps us that our Christmases have changed over time as we have moved abroad then moved back again. The traditions had to evolve.

I'm likely to go to sleep before them on Christmas Eve Oh yes and New Year's Eve. It's many years since I could be bothered with NYE but of course it's all a new experience to them. Luckily DH is a hero and willing to be a late night taxi around the villages.

good thread people, we're not alone!!

this is the first year ds1, nearly 17, didnt want an advent calendar!! I was bereft, but hid it well

Didn't want an advent calendar?

I agree you have to go with the flow a bit. We've swapped to massive takeaway and fizzy drinks meal on Xmas Eve as that's what the teens requested. I try and do the Christmas food plan with them, with each being able to ask for a favourite meal...Boxing Day they want sausages and 'party food' eg crisps and dips, little cakes etc. Fair enough, that's easy and cheap.

We do insist on one family meal, usually Christmas Day lunch, but they are welcome to bring any of their friends if they'd like to, and indeed I keep the whole of Christmas as 'open house' so they can bring as many friends over as they want. Big groups of teens make for a festive atmosphere, I find, in a group they are quite likely to watch 'polar express' or 'elf' or something cheesy, and slob out by the fire. It's nice. DH and I take off to the kitchen and light candles and eat, drink and be merry by ourselves!

I got this tradition from my MIL who is a great hostess and always has an open house...sometimes my teens will bring their friends to her house for food! One of my favourite ever memories was three generations of family and all the DCs friends at my MILs having a massive Chinese takeaway on the night of their GCSE results, it was a spontaneous thing and everywhere you looked people were sitting, chatting , eating... It was wonderful.

Even though DH is quite religious, we keep church attendance low key and don't insist on it for them...they can sleep in, and we do a big brunch and presents when we get back.

For NYE I write it off altogether and agree to the taxi service. It stops me worrying how they are going to get home, and/or spending vast amount on a taxi. I usually get to bed at about 3 am!

We all sleep in, then have a late lunch of something nice, and make that our celebration of the New Year. It works just as well as celebrating the night before.

be the taxi service...

I know tilly!!!!!

luckily ds2 still loves one

Not wanting an Advent Calendar SSD

My PiLs posted one to ds - who is in his first year at university - so he didnt miss out
To be on the safe side though, he and his flatmates had already treated themselves to a cheapo one anyway

am hoping he grows up and wants one again next year!