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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Christmas with teenagers

64 replies

Kaz2200 · 06/12/2014 15:15

Not sure if this is in the right topic, but would be interested in your views. I have two teenage girls 13 and 16, the youngest if ok about christmas, but the eldest just wants to be out with her friends. I dont have a problem with that as such, but I would like to make christmas as good as I can. Over the years are family has dwindled, so this year it is just the four of us, we will be going to the inlaws for lunch, but husband and his father do not get on. Also, we have a familty business which means husband is at work until late christmas eve and only off for two days. Should I force eldest daughter to do some things with us in the hope that she will enjou herself, or should I resign myself to them doing there own thing, knowing this is what they really want to do.

OP posts:

Sparklingbrook · 06/12/2014 16:34

We always have a brand new box/board game every year and we will be doing that again this year. Hopefully Christmas Day we will all play it together with no rows.

bigTillyMint · 06/12/2014 16:38

Hametsku, I like your thinking about Christmas lunch - perfect!

bigTillyMint · 06/12/2014 16:39

Sparkling, we haven't played any board games since Monopoly-gate about 5 years ago

Sparklingbrook · 06/12/2014 16:41

Tilly we haven't played Simpsons Cluedo for a few years after that went badly wrong.

MarieJeanne · 06/12/2014 16:58

I love board games but no one ever wants to play with me.
However, I would secretly love to bin the tatty old decorations the DC made in primary school but they (ages 17and 19) always insist on putting them up

bigTillyMint · 06/12/2014 17:04

I like playing board games, but my family are so competitive that it is carnage if we play together! Luckily I get to play board games with the DC in my class

Sparklingbrook · 06/12/2014 17:05

We quite like the Big Bang Theory game, that doesn't seem to cause any arguments. We have 'My Monopoly' this year as DS2 wanted it. i am a bit worried about that.

bigTillyMint · 06/12/2014 17:06

I have never heard of the Big Bang Theory game - off to google it!

GnomeDePlume · 06/12/2014 17:10

They are growing up. I remember as a teenager not really seeing the point in Christmas so I keep that in mind now that my own DCs are 14, 16 & 19.

The danger is that if you try to force them to enjoy Christmas your way is that you will build resentment. IMO Christmas should evolve as DCs grow and life changes. As they grow up your DD's should be allowed an opinion on what is done.

TBH what you have described all sounds a bit grim. Your DH is knackered and is then dragged to a meal with his DF with whom he doesnt get on. Why bother? Why not have a quiet meal at home?

SeasonsEatings · 06/12/2014 17:15

How about cinema or getting dressed up and going sales shopping? At this age board games and Christmas tv isn't going to cut it.

TheFirstOfHerName · 06/12/2014 17:25

DS1 is quite good about spending time with parents and grandparents, but only seems to be able to tolerate his younger siblings in small doses. That might just be him though, rather than his age.

TheFirstOfHerName · 06/12/2014 17:26

The Big Bang Theory game would go down very well; off to have a look.

TranquilityofSolitude · 06/12/2014 17:26

Mine tend to join in for anything present- or food-related

Actually they are still at the stage where they don't mind being a bit childish as long as their friends don't know. So on Christmas Eve we will do the stuff we've always done - a nice meal, new pyjamas (from the cat) watch a film or something on television together, hang up stockings.

Christmas Day they'll be here and with us all day.

Boxing Day we used to go for a walk together but now mine want to be at the sales. So instead we'll all go into town together and meet up for coffee/lunch at some stage - in this way they feel as if they've had time doing what they want and I feel we've had some time together.

Sparklingbrook · 06/12/2014 17:28

OMG I have just looked in Argos and there's a Big Bang Theory Cluedo game.

Ragwort · 06/12/2014 17:34

I can remember not really wanting to be with the family at Christmas when I was a teenager and making sure I always volunteered to work in the restaurant where I had a weekend job .

Now I have a teen of my own, we do go skiing some years and he enjoys that and we make sure Christmas is just one or two days and keep it fairly low key. (And I volunteered to work on Christmas Eve to leave DH and DS to have some father & son time ).

Sparklingbrook · 06/12/2014 17:37

I do allow DSs to have anyone round anytime they like over Christmas. they have had friends round on Christmas afternoon, we really don't mind. we have food and drink and just carry on as normal.

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 06/12/2014 17:40

Ours are now 19 and 17. On Christmas Eve we always go out for breakfast together and sometimes follow that with a trip to the cinema. If we don't go to the cinema, we tend to watch either, 'Elf' or, 'Home Alone' with them in the afternoon (I detest both but suffer it for the sake of sitting with the girls!). Then we go to carols on the green (they often see lots of their friends there and then meet up with us again later) and come back to a simple buffet tea.

On Christmas day it's just the four of us and we usually have a mixture of them in their rooms and the four of us together either playing a game or watching a film.

Oh and they don't get money, or know what they are getting. They write a wish list and we get them some things off of the list and a few surprises, plus a stocking full of chocolate and useful things such as hairspray etc.

And, as others have said, they still quite like being childish - pretending that Father Christmas has been, checking he's eaten his mince pie etc. They do it all in an ironic way, but it's still rather nice.

Any recommendations for new board games?

Archfarchnad · 06/12/2014 17:54

"Any recommendations for new board games?"

That's exactly what I'm looking for for the four of us with DDs 16 and 12. Big Bang Theory game won't do the job, as I just had to look it up to find out what Big Bang Theory is (not the theory, I already know about that, but it's a TV show apparently too).

We don't live in the UK so don't have much idea about pop trivia and the like. Something like Monopoly would be good.

To answer the question, both DDs are resigned to the fact that 23rd to 27th December are reserved solely for family, but the rest of the time is theirs for their friends. On 23rd we go to a Christmas market, on 24th we go to the cinema and watch a kitschy film then get sushi (and that's when the board game would come in handy), 25th is obviously presents, meal and afternoon walk, 26th we think this year we'll go to an indoor swimming place (the kind with wave machine and different saunas), then 27th we go sales shopping.

bigTillyMint · 06/12/2014 18:46

Sparkling, you can have the Cluedo argument all over again Big Bang style

Sparklingbrook · 06/12/2014 18:47

Yes Tilly. Shame it's out of stock at the minute. Do you think it would be 'Sheldon in The Cheesecake Factory with the lead piping'?

bigTillyMint · 06/12/2014 18:53

Sparklingbrook · 06/12/2014 18:54

Better than the bloody Simpsons one I hope. 'Bart Simpson in the Kwik-E-Mart with the poisoned doughnut'

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 06/12/2014 19:08

I think you have to evolve things, but not just at Christmas. You can't expect them to suddenly want to spend time with you over Christmas if you don't have any fun together the rest of the year.

When we were teens we all got involved in the Christmas prep - grandparents would come and stay, that was non-negotiable, and we were expected to be there for key meals - Christmas Eve dinner, Christmas Day and Boxing Day. But we were welcome to go out and visit friends, have friends over. Once we were all a bit older then we would all go to the pub on Christmas Eve, Mum and Dad would come with us.

But we used to do things together all year round - holidays, days out, meals together round the table every day. Those are the things that build family bonds.

SecretSquirrels · 07/12/2014 14:19

I've always been a bit bah humbug about Christmas but played the game when DC were little.

Mine still love everything to be the way it's always been done. It's often me begging to be allowed to do things differently. My suggestions of having beef instead of Turkey or artificial instead of real trees have been treated as though I was cancelling Christmas all together.

We get the board games out. Lots of threads on board games Remus but our stalwart is Ticket to Ride. Not too long or too short, allows skill and competition and can be played by visitors from about aged 12 upwards. I also like bananagrams and scategories.

MyballsareSandy · 08/12/2014 12:37

My DDs are nearly 14, so a bit younger, but I've noticed a change this christmas. One of them insisted on a 'themed' tree, rather than all the little bits they've made over the years. I wasn't keen but decided to let her get on with it, as at least she was interested in decorating it, and it does look lovely. They did come with me to choose the tree, which I was surprised about - I knew one would come, didn't expect the other to.

I've suggested ice skating and trips to the cinema but neither of them are that keen to go just with DH and I, they want to bring friends, which is fine. They'll also go out just with friends during the xmas hols.

It is a bit sad that it all changes, but I suppose it's how it should be. They have watched Elf and National Lampoon's xmas vacation with me .

They'll both play a board game with us and the grandparents on christmas day, but will be itching to get back to ipads/phones etc.

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