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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

How the hell do I get my teens to stick to a few basic house rules?

33 replies

MemooInDisguise · 08/10/2014 13:30

I have two teenagers and a 5yo. All I ever seem to do is get into arguments with the teenage dc.

I have a few very basic house rules ie put their dirty cups, plates etc in dish washer. Don't leave the bathroom flooded after a shower. Put dirty laundry in basket.

I rant and they stick to it for a day or two, then they stop until I rant again!

I'm so tired of feeling like a skivvy! I know they have a lot on with school work but is it unreasonable to ask them to stick to a few basic rules?

How can I get them to take more responsibility? I'm exhausted with it all. :(

OP posts:

LeftHandedMouse · 08/10/2014 13:49

Taser

Do your teens 'forget'? And unbelievably quickly?

Studies have shown the teenage brain is in a state where remembering to do stuff is quite difficult.

We had a whiteboard on the back of the kitchen door which we wrote things that needed doing on. It was the first thing the kids saw when they came home.

Seemed to make some difference. Not saying everything got done, but at least there was evidence it had been asked for.

Oddly they never thought of just wiping stuff off. That's teens for you.

Original poster

MemooInDisguise · 08/10/2014 14:18

ahaha! Loving the taser idea :)

They do just very quickly forget. When I pull them up about things they often look very blank as if they have no idea what I am talking about. A friend told me the teenage years are something we just need to ride out until they come out the other side. I am beginning to think she is right!

OP posts:

BertieBotts · 08/10/2014 14:25

Give the responsibility to them? Only wash the plates which are in the dishwasher, and then make them hand wash a plate for themselves before you give them food/drinks, make them do their own laundry, put a note in the shower saying if anybody floods this floor they are responsible for mopping it, etc.

scandichick · 08/10/2014 14:36

I like the idea of changing the WiFi password every day, and not hand it out until chores have been completed to your satisfaction!

Disclaimer: don't have any teenagers yet, so it may or may not work in reality.

Heyho111 · 09/10/2014 21:53

They won't be able to keep doing what you asked it's part of their development.
Keep asking them but don't expect them yo do it. You then do what's needed to be done avoiding arguments. All nagging does is cause a terrible atmosphere and no long lasting result. One day they will mature and do what's needed this will take years.

DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 12/10/2014 15:57

Not just Wifi password changing but MAC filtering and restricted access times.

Also practise raising a single eyebrow.

DownByTheRiverside · 12/10/2014 16:06

Tie it into a negative consequence.
Leave reminders, like a post-it.
The things you are asking your teens to do were my expectations for my 5 year old!
When mine became teens, I expected them to be able to wash up, put a load in the machine and clean the bath/shower after they'd used it.

DownByTheRiverside · 12/10/2014 16:09

'They won't be able to keep doing what you asked it's part of their development.
Keep asking them but don't expect them yo do it. You then do what's needed to be done avoiding arguments. All nagging does is cause a terrible atmosphere and no long lasting result. One day they will mature and do what's needed this will take years.'

I agree about nagging, but the rest of that statement is rubbish. One day the magic fairy dust will descend and they'll suddenly stop being indifferent?
Is that what happened with your teenagers Heyho?
I found being patient, calm, consistent and not doing things to keep the peace worked well.

WorkingBling · 12/10/2014 16:09

I think my parents had a good strategy. We were useless about stuff like that but there times we had no choice - after supper we tidied and washed up and that included getting any mugs plates etc drom all over the house.

titchy · 12/10/2014 20:16

Heyho is either a teen or a doormat!

secretsquirrels · 12/10/2014 21:12

I'm with Heyho. Life's too short to make the home a battle zone. The only person who cares about the mess is you, whereas the teens just think you are getting at them.
And they do grow out of it.
I think the best you can hope for are teens who will do any chore when asked but what they won't do is notice that a chore needs doing.

Heyho111 · 12/10/2014 22:43

Heyho is a mum with much older teens. Done the nagging etc had dreadful atmosphere in house for long time. Then read up on teen brain development. Now ask but am very realistic with result of it. I then do it. Now mine do the chores without even been asked. It also resulted in a calm happy household during those years. I also had a descent relationship with them that can't be had if there is constant nagging and a horrid atmosphere. Doormat or a happy house. Interesting what's priority for some.

Heyho111 · 13/10/2014 07:46

I meant perspective some people have on it.

ElephantsNeverForgive · 13/10/2014 07:55

I wander in an and go to pick up DD2s lap top.

She generally moves without me actually taking it

Nothing to do with brain rewriting (which I take with a very large prince of salt), she's just a stubborn awkward little madam. Always has been.

DD1 is generally far more helpful, if asked she does it with no muttering, she even notices things need doing.

chocoluvva · 14/10/2014 17:19

Aint no point naggin.

I used to leave the bathroom in a right mess. Then I left home.

DD used to leave the bathroom in a right mess. Then she left home... ..

Brain rewiring is researched and accepted as scientific fact now.

Don't sweat the small stuff, it's really not worth it.

After something DD said to me when she was 15 and reading a comment about the amount of effort we put in to trying to get our teens to have a tidy room compared with the amount of time spent listening to them and talking with them I too gave up on fighting the small stuff. Now her DB is 15 and his messiness sometimes irritates me but we don't have an unhappy tense household like we had for a couple of years when his DS was that age.

Some people's doormat is another person's being kind. I think teenagers need to be treated kindly. Hopefully they'll go on to be kind and considerate adults. Expecting adult behaviour from them at the teenage stage though - not a hope most of the time.

Remember there's more than one way to skin a cat - giving compliments, saying thank you and trying to retain a sense of humour go much further than nagging in my experience. then when you criticise/blow up it's more effective

easier said than done of course....

oliveobsessed · 14/10/2014 17:26

My mum had a very simple method in regards to the washing - if it was in a basket or utility room it got washed if it wasn't then it didn't. Very simple.

Bowlersarm · 14/10/2014 17:31

I'm with Heyho and choco and secretsquirrels

ElephantsNeverForgive · 15/10/2014 00:58

DD1 has got to 16 without doing any brain rewiring.

DD2 has been doing it, on and off since she was 6 and seems to be doing far less at 13 than at 9.

I'm very very sceptical.

WillkommenBienvenue · 15/10/2014 01:12

Dd just washed her jumper. She asked what to do with the softener, just rub some of it on?

Ah bless

WillkommenBienvenue · 15/10/2014 01:14

Teenage coincides with menopause which means mutual brain rewiring takes place.

DownByTheRiverside · 15/10/2014 17:17

DD just spent three years at uni sharing with around a dozen different 19-23 year olds who had left home and still lived like complete slobs, with no idea of how to clean a kitchen, bathroom, hoover...
Brain rewiring obviously delayed.

WillkommenBienvenue · 15/10/2014 18:04

Neurological adolescence only ends at about age 21-25. It all makes perfect sense when you think about it.

DownByTheRiverside · 15/10/2014 18:12

I don't disbelieve the brain rewiring, I just think that if teenagers are living in a shared house they need their social and domestic skills scaffolding and encouraging so that other people don't have to either live in a shitheap or do all the work themselves.

titchy · 15/10/2014 18:53

Entirely agree and mine do their respective chores mainly willingly and without asking. They're obviously very weird..... Mind you they also wear coats to school so maybe they are genuinely odd!

chocoluvva · 15/10/2014 21:29

That's great titchy. Are they tidy?

Do you have any advice for the rest of us/op?

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