How the hell do I get my teens to stick to a few basic house rules?

[MemooInDisguise]

I have two teenagers and a 5yo. All I ever seem to do is get into arguments with the teenage dc.

I have a few very basic house rules ie put their dirty cups, plates etc in dish washer. Don't leave the bathroom flooded after a shower. Put dirty laundry in basket.

I rant and they stick to it for a day or two, then they stop until I rant again!

I'm so tired of feeling like a skivvy! I know they have a lot on with school work but is it unreasonable to ask them to stick to a few basic rules?

How can I get them to take more responsibility? I'm exhausted with it all. :(

Also many student houses are perfectly clean an tidy, while others are a disaster.

Mine were distinctly tidier than I am left to my own devices.

I strongly suspect given no DM to do it for them that my helpful DD1 will live in a mess and my unhelpful DD2 will be tidy.

Hmm are they tidy - well reasonably yes. But they also have a LOT of extra-curricular stuff going on, and spare time tends to be spend on a screen of some description, so there really isn't the opportunity to be untidy IYSWIM. Dirty clothes tend to get thrown on the floor in a corner, but they make it into the washing basket by the weekend - their clothes wouldn't be washed if they didn't. DD likes clothes so makes an effort to put them away, ds puts them away to avoid the cat sitting on them!

I'm honestly not sure why this is such a non-issue in our house. Friends' kids, and the dc's friends all seem to be similar. DH and I have always worked, so neither of us has ever seen our role as 'homemaker' - maybe that's the difference. We have always just expected that once the day jobs/school are don,e then we're a family and everyone has to do a bit to help the home and family function effectively.

On a practical level the dcs are home before we are so it is fairly obvious that them doing a few chores when they get home means that dh or I don't have to do those chores, so when we do get home we can get on with making dinner, which means we eat at a time that enables one, other or both dcs to get to whatever activity there is that day.

I honestly didn't realise this was unusual - maybe I should be more grateful

DS is 17. He is domestically useless. Despite his very strong desire to be left alone for a week when we go on holiday, and our condtions being that this will only happen when we see him being slightly helpful / competent/ pro active around the house, he still can't make the step to actually get stuck in. He had to ask his much younger brother 'which one the oven was' last year, ( kid you not) and he put his clothes by the tumble drier for washing when I insisted he did his own laundry.

I do feel somehow we have failed him as he hasn't picked up this stuff but it's pretty hard when he's never home and doesn't want to learn.

I only do washing which is in the laundry baskets. That's true for everyone in the house including me. I don't nag, I don't ask. I just don't wash it if it isn't in there.

DS is very bad at doing the few chores he's expected to (basic stuff like putting dirty crockery in the dishwasher). I tell him the dishwasher fairy's on strike again, he'll need to go do it. It's not an argument, at least not so far. It'll turn into one pretty darn fast if he tries telling me I'm the maid.

If you know a lot of teens are the same it helps. Also dont nag just use one word..PLATES!..then resist the urge to go on and on. I found using them for jobs l hated helped...washing the car...downloading stuff on computer for me...we always seem to give them same jobs. When l got married my dh was brilliant round the house...when mil came she was sitting there in awe saying ..he never ever did that at home!...text them a word too...Bathroom!!..its your voice they dont want to here. I text them in another room instead of letting a yell which is really what l want to do. They get up do it say nothing and return to couch.

Hear not here!!

This thread is very timely.

I have a 13 year old boy who accused me of nagging. Like others, mine have a few basic jobs to do. My 11 year old DD has annoyed me. I called up "final call for uniform washing." None appeared. I put on another load an hour plus later and did "final final call for washing." None appeared. Later I found her PE kit . Means I had to get the iron out again to do it having ironed yesterday already and then this morning. PE shirt only dry an hour ago so more ironing. She just said it didn't need washing and doesn't care if she is known as the smelly kid.

In DS1's room - 5 x food wrapping including baking chocolate wrapper , water bottle in a box, dead fly, clean kit under his bed, ruined book. He said he had done his room. Why didn't he put the food wrappers in the bin? Not even discussing the fact they aren't allowed to eat in their rooms.

DS1 and DD have been vile to each other. DS2 cried when daddy shouted. DS1 pretty much called me stupid.

It is shit in the fab house and I am seriously losing the will to live.

Teenagers are different and don't respond to nagging. Is that just another men are different bollocks? Excusing their bad behaviour. Mine think they do so much, won't clear up as not their mess and just say don't do it then when I ask why should I wash their clothes given I haven't made them dirty, by their logic.

DS1 told me to speak nicely to them. I was snappy this morning but I had had enough.

Three weeks of at least one off per week with all 3 off for one week. Joy.

I have given up nagging. If DS leaves dirty plates etc around I just pick them up when I find them and put them in his bed. And make no comment. I even out a dirty frying pan in there once - that made an impression! Not sure it is making a difference yet but I feel happier... I say I won't do his washing but do crumble after several weeks (he would be quite happy wearing smelly clothes if it meant not having to make an effort). I have less problem with the other teens in the house - just who they are, in the end.