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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

paying nominal sum for board as an apprentice

83 replies

traceyinrosso70 · 02/06/2014 21:14

My DS has an interview tomorrow for an apprenticeship but also has a college place to do a 2 year BTech . He has just discovered that he will get £100.50 a week if he gets offered the job and when we dropped in to conversation that he would need to pay a small sum towards his board ( we thought about £15 a week which will cover what we will lose in child benefit) he has absolutely flipped his lid. He doesn't think its fair because big sister (18) doesn't pay any but she is just finishing A levels and just has a Saturday job. He has a Saturday job too and we have said its his decision - stop on at college and don't pay board or take the apprenticeship ,if offered, and pay board. Are we being unreasonable or just teaching him the value of money? £15 a week won't even cover the cost of food, let alone the laundry service and heat/light but we felt it was more making the point that you start to fend for yourself once you start to earn.

OP posts:

flipchart · 02/06/2014 21:48

This bread isn't about other people though, it's about you. You said it won't cause problems. In that case encourage him to put some in an long term account.

It would never ever occurred to me to take money from a Saturday job either. If someone suggested that well, words are failing!!

mrsminiverscharlady · 02/06/2014 21:48

YANBU. The money apprentices are given is not supposed to be a wage but to support their living expenses. You are paying all his living expenses so it's only right for him to contribute. I'd charge more tbh and maybe put some of it away in savings for him.

AnyFucker · 02/06/2014 21:50

I would still consider an apprenticeship to be in education/learning

When my DC are working full time, that is when I will take board. In a similar situation, we just stopped paying for everything else....travel expenses (amounted to £40/week), phone contract, lunches, clothes, dentist, prescriptions (if payable) etc. And actually we were so much better off for stopping those, it felt like we were much richer for it

Vajazzler · 02/06/2014 21:52

Personally I'd request a quarter of his wages to cover his board. Of that quarter I'd put half toward his actual board and secretly save half to give back to him when he moves out/buys a car/ other big expense. I think that it's important that good habits are formed from the start and that they get used to putting money aside for bills and not spending every available penny.

HoneyBooBooChild · 02/06/2014 21:52

God forbid the a level student should have to pay any rent! Does he drive? If he plans to learn it will eat up a lot of his wage. Buying his own clothes will cost (£100 for a pair of trainers!) and going out will. I wouldn't be buying him any clothes/paying for haircuts or anything but I personally wouldn't charge him rent until after his apprenticeship is up and he's earning a proper wage. I'm sure you're decent parents and the kid knows the value of money, not paying rent isn't going to ruin him

AnyFucker · 02/06/2014 21:54

I don't get this thing of "taking it off them to save it for them (thus giving it back)"

What a complete waste of time. If they want to save it they can, if not they spend it. How is micromanaging them in that way going to "teach" them anything ?

usualsuspectt · 02/06/2014 21:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

traceyinrosso70 · 02/06/2014 21:55

It just seems people are suggesting its unfair to charge one and not the other but one will be waged and one not ???

OP posts:

flipchart · 02/06/2014 21:55

I get what your saying Anyfucker about it supposed to be supporting living costs but seeing the amount of work and the hours these kids put into their work it seems peevish to take money from them if it doesn't make much difference to you.

I am pleased that Ds has saved a substantial amount and he can afford to go away with a friend this year.

His time will come when he is paying rent / fuel bills/ council tax/ TV license etc. it came to us all! We have installed budgeting skills in the boys since they were very young. I'm happy with that.

flipchart · 02/06/2014 21:56

I don't think you should be charging anyone!

usualsuspectt · 02/06/2014 21:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnyFucker · 02/06/2014 21:57

Flip, I think someone else said what you think I said

flipchart · 02/06/2014 21:58

Oops soz Anyfucker!,

My mistake.

Original poster

traceyinrosso70 · 02/06/2014 21:59

Well, at least that opinion seems equitable but cannot get my head round charging the A level student earning £20 a week just to make the 16 year old earning £100 a week feel hes been treated the same !

OP posts:

stripeyred · 02/06/2014 21:59

I would if he got the apprenticeship. When I left school to be an apprentice hairdresser I was on £50 a week and had to pay £10 digs

TheOneWithTheNicestSmile · 02/06/2014 22:05

I'm really torn here. I agree with the principle that a child living at home but working should contribute to the household, but otoh £100pw isn't really a living wage. (& I have allowed much older children to live here rent-free when they were saving up/paying off debt...)

If you don't actually need a contribution to make ends meet then maybe you could sit down with him, show him how much it costs you to run the house (groceries, utilities etc) & give him an idea of what he will have to pay out in due course. (& also mention that he will start paying NI & income tax on not a lot more so enjoy it while he can )

AnyFucker · 02/06/2014 22:07

I think he will very quickly learn the "cost of living" when he tries to do everything he wants to do on £100 a week, without the bank of Mum and Dad chipping in

ILoveOnionRings · 02/06/2014 22:10

Hi my DS is doing an apprenticeship to. He is monthly paid so for the first 2 months we did not ask for any housekeeping as it was his first pay packets. From then on it was 15% of pay but not including any overtime which he does on average once a month. It works out to £60 per month.

I do pay his travel pass £57 every 4 weeks and pay £15 per month on his contract phone (contract was already in place). He also has a packed lunch everyday and I bought his work clothes, like work safety boots, trousers (good ones on Amazon for around £13 a pair). I top up his work clothes and also buy toiletries (sp) within the weekly shop. Washing done (I don't really iron) and of course plenty of food in the house and a dinner every night.

I know dinner and washing is not exceptional but trying to emphasise that yes I do ask for housekeeping as it is the principal of earning money and contributing towards the household. It is the effort of DS actually remembering to go to the bank, withdraw money and handover on payday. He is quite proud to do it.

He does have £85ish a week to spend on whatever he likes but as apprentices they are working practically full time and a study day for nominal pay. It will pay off after the 4 years when he has qualified but it is a fine line to help them out as much as possible whilst still treating them as adults. I didn't want him to feel disheartened especially after the first few months when they are shattered, working hard, studying, having exams and then can't even afford to go out with friends at the weekend.

However I do think that both should be 'charged' the same rate. It will seem unfair to him as he is looking at it as they both are earning some money but he is the only one being charged anything. I think at his age I would think this grossly unfair to - it is not the amount but why am I paying and sister isn't.

Once again apologies as I always seem to do long posts

AnyFucker · 02/06/2014 22:17

But what is the point of paying for clothes, travel expenses and phone contract ?

Just hand all that stuff over to them and they will soon learn the value of money (if they didn't already, which I doubt)

AnyFucker · 02/06/2014 22:19

Sorry, I meant paying out for stuff and then taking it back in board

I couldn't be arsed with all the paperwork and messing around. My DD gives us no money, but all she gets is bed, food and lifts when appropriate, and believe me she will be paying that back in spades when she runs her own car...)

ILoveOnionRings · 02/06/2014 22:20

To one of the posters further up who mentioned the £100 trainers - it is amazing that since DS buys his own 'regular' clothes there are no £100 trainers, nor £80 jeans or the usual £25 - £30 T Shirts. Primark has become a firm friend, as has Burtons jeans and some other shops that I cannot remember the name of.

mrsminiverscharlady · 02/06/2014 22:27

I think the point of saving some of the money for them is to get them into the habit if regular saving (I'm of the opinion that when drawing up a budget you should factor in putting money away regularly if at all possible). Also by presenting them with a lump sum at the end it shows how small amounts regularly add up to big amounts.

I don't actually think there's a right or wrong answer tbh; making them responsible for their phone, clothes, travel etc and/or charging board adds up to the same principle.

TheOneWithTheNicestSmile · 02/06/2014 22:31

I do think though that he shouldn't make his decision between apprenticeship & BTech on financial grounds so maybe you should backpedal for now &, if he's offered it, let him decide without pressure.

(Then re-open discussion later )

ILoveOnionRings · 02/06/2014 22:32

Anyfucker do you really think that is fair - just to teach them the value of money. I for one am grateful he gets up everyday and goes out and does something. That he has an aim in life and is trying dam hard to get there.

I agreed to fund his travel whilst in education, mobile contract already in place until Dec this year then it is up to him, work clothes needed for first day. There is no arsing about or paperwork.

As said earlier it is DS actually thinking of a commitment he has made and following it through. Yes he gets it back and more but so what! In the last 12 months he has grown up, particularly the last 6 months and if doing this way as it works for us then we will continue.

Op asked for advice - as said it works for us why not share. You do not have to agree but I do not care

BackforGood · 02/06/2014 22:33

The only way I think YABU is in that I don't think you are suggesting charging him enough.
Am amazed at the answers on here.
To go from not earning to bringing home £100 a week a month (presuming there will be no tax) he will feel very, very rich indeed. He needs to understand that from earnings, come living expenses - so I would be expecting at least 1/3 of that. He'll still have £67 a week - which is FAR more money than I have ever had to spend on myself per week, and I consider myself to be quite comfortably off.
I'd also be explaining that to him, and explaining that he was getting his 'keep' at such a low rate, because I was expecting him to be doing something fairly sensible with at least half the rest of the money - be that driving lessons or saving for something - and that if he was just spending it on nights out, clothes, etc., then I'd have to review the amount he was paying for bed and board.

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