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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Just had a cry and words with DS

46 replies

NearTheWindymill · 10/04/2014 20:48

He's 19 and in Auckland. Have just skyped. He has had a cartilage piercing. He is a lovely young man off to Oxford in the autumn. He knows I hate this sort of thing and I never thought he would. I am beyond shocked. I'm trying to be cross but he and dd have made me laugh and made me feel unreasonable. BUT I DON'T LIKE IT. It isn't natural.

Is he narrowing his career choices - I don't think many lawyers, bankers, judges, have piercings. He of course is much more arty and more media inclined.

Grrrr - why couldn't I have bred a square. I don't know whether to laugh or cry but I don't think it makes me feel proud of him.

OP posts:
Koothrapanties · 10/04/2014 20:52

If this is the worst thing your ds has done, I think you need to let it go. It's not permanent, it can be removed if he decides it isn't what he wants after all. I know you made him, but it is his body. I think you are being a bit ott about it sorry.

mygrandchildrenrock · 10/04/2014 20:54

I know how you feel. Years ago one of my dd had her eyebrow pierced. I couldn't actually look at her while I talked to her for about 2 weeks, it made me feel physically sick. I did talk to her, just had to look away!
She is a dentist and doing very well thank you! (She later went on to have a nipple pierced tmi!)

LaurieFairyCake · 10/04/2014 20:56

It can be repaired if it hampers his careers choice.

TheAwfulDaughter · 10/04/2014 21:00

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SomewhereBeyondTheSea · 10/04/2014 21:00

I don't want to offend you but get a grip.
A piercing is nothing. He will probably take it out in a few years anyway. And if he doesn't - well I have a serious financial job and I have a nose piercing. Nobody has even mentioned it.
It really isn't the be all and end all these days you know.
And - arguably - it's a lot better than a visible tattoo. I do wonder how some of the tattoos you see these days will affect people in later life.

Original poster
NearTheWindymill · 10/04/2014 21:00

I know Koothrapanties but I can't help it. DD is really taking the piss out of me and has facebooked all her friends and shown me a u tube clip from Rapunzel. Grrrrrr. I'm taking all the cats to bed in a minute.

OP posts:
DramaAlpaca · 10/04/2014 21:01

Let it go. It's his body & his life, and at least it's not permanent.

It's all part of him growing up & asserting his independence, which of course he has to do. Part of that is doing things parents don't necessarily like. All the more so if they know their parents don't like it!

He's still the same, still your DS, and he still loves you just as much.

As for career choices, he's still got three years at uni to go and may well have got bored of his piercing by then so I wouldn't worry.

snowgirl1 · 10/04/2014 21:02

Better that he does this when he's young, than look back when he's older and feel he didn't have some wild years and then do something daft. I know quite a few people who've had piercings and grown out of the look as their life/career progressed.

SummerRain · 10/04/2014 21:03

I have facial piercings including cartilage and have a supervisory position in a very client facing role.

Neither my employers nor any of our customers have ever had an issue with it.

Honestly, piercings aren't viewed the way they used to be, it won't affect his career choices at all.

Mintyy · 10/04/2014 21:04

What is a cartilege piercing?

A young woman waiting at the pedestrian crossing with me today had a gold ring through her nose (like a pig or a bull) and I just felt disgusted and enraged. But then I accept I am old and behind the times.

Usethesieve · 10/04/2014 21:05

Please don't waste your tears over the small stuff. You have a lovely son who is going to Oxford, count your blessing instead.

curiousuze · 10/04/2014 21:06

'Beyond shocked'? Seriously? Surely you don't want him to be one of those weirdo mini Boris Johnson types I see at the City law firm I work at. 22 going on 60 with bouffant side partings and jowls.

RawCoconutMacaroon · 10/04/2014 21:27

Are you worried he won't fit in at Oxford because of it? My DS is currently a student at Oxford. Believe me, there are plenty there with piercings, and tattoos. I doubt it's going to stop any of them getting a job. It's fairly mainstream these days.

Original poster
NearTheWindymill · 10/04/2014 21:29

Aah, you see, I might be older than Mintyy. Not through his nose, no, his ear. I am getting used to it now thank you.

OP posts:
SomewhereBeyondTheSea · 10/04/2014 21:32

It probably won't even scar when he takes it out for the interview at Goldman.

Original poster
NearTheWindymill · 10/04/2014 21:33

He won't work for Goldman - he's not the type. I did that Grin.

OP posts:
Fairylea · 10/04/2014 21:35

Goodness me, have a tea and a calm down. :)

Piercings are virtually impossible to see without the metal in them if he wants to hide it later on and most cartilage piercings heal up if they are allowed to anyway. No big deal at all, honestly.

Virtually everyone under 25 has some sort of piercing or tattoo. As long as it isn't some sort of massive neck tattoo or all of his knuckles saying "love" and "hate" I really wouldn't worry.

Husband is in senior management and is a graduate and has his entire body covered with tattoos from the neck down. Literally no skin left. You'd never know if you saw him in a suit.

He did used to have ear stretches until about 3 months ago. Never been a problem for interviews etc but he has now had them reconstructed (£600) - they look good as new.

bigTillyMint · 10/04/2014 21:37

Oh FGS a cartillage piercing in his ear? If HE doesn't want it any more he can just take it out. He is 19, not 9!

Original poster
NearTheWindymill · 10/04/2014 21:41

OK - I take the point. I was still shocked.

OP posts:
Ragwort · 10/04/2014 21:51

I sympathise with you, I would be shocked as well if my DS had a piercing Smile.

Yes, I know it isn't the worse thing in the world but, like it or not, appearance does have an impact on how people view you. I work with unemployed youngsters, I am so tempted to tell them to remove their piercings and tattoos, dress smartly, learn some manners & social skills and then they might be employable - but of course it's not PC to say all that is it?

cakeymccakington · 10/04/2014 21:58

aww OP you remind me of my mum Wink

I did the exact same thing. first with my ear, then i got a tattoo, then i had my lip pierced (i rang her before i went home that time, to give her time to get a grip) then i got another tattoo.

i reckon i turned out ok though :)

cakeymccakington · 10/04/2014 21:59

i also happen to have lovely manners and social skills Grin

the 2 aren't mutually exclusive

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 10/04/2014 22:01

I know it's upsetting - my daughter had her tummy button pierced whilst her Dad and I were away on holiday. It apparently bled profusely and her friend had to take her to A&E. We didn't know about it until weeks later. She's also had a couple of tats and a tongue-piercing (which I was also dead against). BUT - she is over 18 and there's not a lot we could do about it.

Her tats are small and unobtrusive, she has a couple of ear piercings as well, but wears small earrings. She still does look respectable. We've had words, but at the end of the day, it is her body, she is of an age to decide for herself. In years to come, she may regret them. Piercings heal over, though, so don't make too big a deal of it.

Polonius · 11/04/2014 07:09

Piercings come out you know.

Delphiniumsblue · 11/04/2014 07:13

I would find it very upsetting but at least they can come out, it is much better than a tattoo.