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Talk

Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Just had a cry and words with DS

46 replies

NearTheWindymill · 10/04/2014 20:48

He's 19 and in Auckland. Have just skyped. He has had a cartilage piercing. He is a lovely young man off to Oxford in the autumn. He knows I hate this sort of thing and I never thought he would. I am beyond shocked. I'm trying to be cross but he and dd have made me laugh and made me feel unreasonable. BUT I DON'T LIKE IT. It isn't natural.

Is he narrowing his career choices - I don't think many lawyers, bankers, judges, have piercings. He of course is much more arty and more media inclined.

Grrrr - why couldn't I have bred a square. I don't know whether to laugh or cry but I don't think it makes me feel proud of him.

OP posts:

RudyMentary · 11/04/2014 07:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Renniehorta · 11/04/2014 07:22

I agree much better than a tattoo. My son had his cheek pierced with a bar at 18. It lasted about a year. During that year he encountered so many negative consequences that he would never contemplate another piercing or a tattoo. Result!

exWifebeginsat40 · 11/04/2014 07:47

you say he's more media-inclined and unlikely to be a lawyer, banker or a judge. are you actually more upset by this than his ear piercing (which can easily be removed, and he is 19!)?

our kids are who they are, not who we want them to be. he sounds like he's making his way in life with confidence. be proud of who he is.

Original poster

NearTheWindymill · 11/04/2014 07:56

I am. I've got over it now. I just needed a rant and we did all end up laughing together last night, albeit over skype. And yes, we do wonder how we ended up with a super sociable one, and yes we are proud of him.

OP posts:

Goblinchild · 11/04/2014 07:58

Oh dear.
Well, it's a good thing that you are so easily shocked, otherwise he might have had to go a lot further to count as rebellious and independent.
I think your DD will help you put it into perspective.

bigTillyMint · 11/04/2014 08:12

Rudy

Glad you're proud of him. Despite his piercing!

NorthEasterlyGale · 11/04/2014 08:28

Glad you've managed to chill about it now.

When I had my nose pierced for my 21st Birthday, I told my Dad by phone (I was at Uni) and he hung up on me

Over the years I've had many piercings (multiple in each ear including through the cartilage, eyebrow, nose, tongue, lip and belly button). I also have a number of tattoos of egyptian art - one noticeable on my wrist. None of these things have ever limited me in my career (an analyst).

Actually, most of my piercings have either grown out (as surface piercings like belly button and eyebrow can do) or been taken out and forgotten to put back in so they've closed. My last one (tongue) had to come out two years ago when I had my first c section and I didn't get it back through in time so that healed too. I miss that one the most. I'm late thirties now, but I suspect that once I'm sure I won't be having any more kids, I'll be back in the piercing chair!

For me, all my piercings and tattoos marked 'rites of passage' in my life - leaving home, losing virginity, turning 21 etc. As well as enjoying the process and sensations involved in piercing and tattooing, I'm fascinated with them as social tools and a method of communication (I studied archaeological science at uni). I know a lot of people don't like them, but they are honestly fascinating when you look at their use in pre-history and different modern day societies.

Anyway, enough waffle from me!

Slipshodsibyl · 11/04/2014 09:05

Windy my eldest had a couple cartilage piercing as she started her gap year. We made faces and slightly grumpy noises but thought it wasn't the worst thing she could do.

She insisted they were fab. Then, shortly before she started at Oxbridge, she 'lost' them (not on purpose, oh no!) and by the time she 'found' them the holes had closed up and she 'didn't feel like' doing them again.

Slipshodsibyl · 11/04/2014 09:08

P.s., you need to steel yourself for the tattoo next, maybe.

catnipkitty · 11/04/2014 09:12

This may reassure you - I am 43, have a nose piercing and several ear piercings and am a professional in a public facing profession. It has never affected me, and to be honest I wouldn't want to work for anyone who had a problem with my piercings.

chocoluvva · 11/04/2014 09:21

I sympathise OP - it's the generation gap thing. My.DD has a cartilage piercing too which I hated. It's grown on me though. She plays classical music and has long, shiny immaculate hair!

JohnnyBarthes · 11/04/2014 12:44

At least you're not 'grief stricken', OP, like this loon doting mother here

JohnnyBarthes · 11/04/2014 12:45

Strikeout fail

HolgerDanske · 11/04/2014 12:51

Awwww this made me chuckle. Im glad you got over it and managed to laugh about it. It really isnt a big deal. He's young and needs to have a bit of a life. Our regional manager in a client-facing role has a large very noticeable cartilage earring, no one is bothered.

feckawwf · 11/04/2014 12:54

It's not on his face or id possibly understand. He's not doing drugs or coming to any harm (that you know of) so I'd say it's pretty tame in terms of what he could be getting up to! Leave it, he's 19!

chocoluvva · 11/04/2014 12:55

Aww. It's horrible being the older generation sometimes "bellowing tyrannosaurus" - me too. I can understand tattoos, piercings, selfies, FB, shots etc; all considered rough as hell when I were a lass and appreciate that times change and remind myself that I do all sorts of things my DM would have disapproved off. Doesn't mean we have to like it though.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 11/04/2014 13:00

Holy crap JohnnyB what a woman! Although her last couple of paragraphs make a smidge of sense.

NearTheWindymill would it have been better if he had warned you in an email or something first? It really is becoming mainstream these days I think. And quite reversible. But I can understand the initial "WTF have you done?" reaction.

I guess this is something I have to prepare for too. DDs are only 10 and 7 so I have some time!

Teen rebellion... There was a thread on here once where the mum was lamenting her teenage daughter's dress sense and fashion rebellion. "I always thought I would be the cool mum and she would be a pretty goth" and instead she got a girl with orange perma-tan, fake hair extensions, fake nails, bling galore and trackies or animal-print lycra. That phrase "pretty goth" has stuck with me. I know I would rather have a tattoo'ed peirced alternative rocker than a chav (hate that word).

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 11/04/2014 13:01

*pierced

Trazzletoes · 11/04/2014 13:03

DM cried when I had my nose pierced at 18. She was ridiculous, telling me how much it would scar my face... Really? It's a tiny hole... She actually cried again when she first saw it.

I'm a lawyer and took it out permanently when I started applying for jobs. Training contracts are hard to come by and I didn't want it to affect my chances but I know plenty of solicitors now with facial piercings.

Glad you've managed to laugh about it now. Trust me, there are so many worse things he could choose to do!

BecauseIsaidS0 · 11/04/2014 13:04

Eh, I've managed an Oxbridge education and a very well paid job in the City with piercings and a tattoo.

yourlittlesecret · 11/04/2014 13:49

Well I agree with you that all piercings are vile and repulsive and I would hate to see one on my DC..... but you know it's trivial really.

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