At wits end with 18 year old.

[WhisperingShadow]

What should someone of this age be able to do?

-Pet taken away because forgets to feed and water. When forced to clean out contaminated bedding left all over bedroom floor, and walked through house. Bin bag of cleaned out stuft in room.

• unable to follow instructions such as turn oven off, wipe down worksurfaces, put dishwasher on.

• moved bedrooms because of the filth for new bedroom to be a dump within 4 days. Not capable of following simple instruction.

• finally gets the idea nothing clean to wear for work. takes item from machine dripping wet, places on cold radiator expecting to be dry within an hour

• takes rubbish out, drops and splatters in hall. Come back in and sits down. had forgotten about the mess

• finishes college and has no plans

Sounds like my 15 year old. Are you sure there's no dyspraxia? He/she does sound very disorganised and clumsy.

We wanted to get blood tests at 16 but he refused. He is a nice good lad but can't follow things through and forgets everything. keys, uniform, mothers day!

gp wanted to start with bloods.

He doesn't need blood tests for this, he needs an OT assessment

Have you tried writing things down on a board so that he can see how to plan things? Like washing up... wash the glasses first, then rinse them, then wash the mugs, then the plates? I have one for ds to help him see what to do when he gets up. It really helps and we're (mostly) getting to school on time at the moment as he doesn't need to remember what to do.

Had years of written instruction. He ignores it. His device is blocked from the net, but still no improvement. His stuff is actually in a bin bag and in the bin because after years we no longer know how to get through to him. He missed two buses this morning to college.

Feel mean but nothing else will work.

He wont agree to any assessment.

Do you have to be clumsy to have dyspraxia? Because he isn't. But I don't think he can think things through in a sequence.

No, not necessarily clumsy. Disorganised is one of the flags though. Did he miss the buses because he wasn't up on time?

Yes.

Is he struggling to get to sleep so knackered in the morning?

Well he could have made it if didn't try to perform same morning routine in shorter time.

He hasn't said he can't sleep.

We have also helped loads for what to do after college but nothing. Went through uni courses, college, apprenticeships and jobs. Gave him sites etc and tried to listen to responses but didn't get much back.

Missed driving test cause lost licence which was in his top draw.

Is it normal teen behaviour?

Same morning routine? Will he not deviate to get out of the house quicker? Can he wake earlier?

No, it's not normal. It's 'normal' for my son only because he's dyspraxic.

Presumably he has been like this all of his life - or is this a new development. Mine's 19 and lives in a tip in spite of nagging; also loses things and doesn't do anything practical around the place unless I read the riot act. But the good outweighs the bad and he is focussed on his future

And should have asked too - is he focussed when it's on stuff he wants or just on routine stuff he can't be bothered with.

What is his relationship like with others? Does he have many friends? A girlfriend?

Yes I was going to ask does he have a girlfriend.

No girlfriend but has good friends. Always been like thisbut we are losing patience as he ages.

The only focus he has is his tablet and an odd drawing, generally of skulls.

He can't plan so wouldn't understand to move quicker ifwoken up late.

His idea when questioned recently about future plans was to have the summer off and just do his part time job for a while (10 hours washing up). College doesn't take up 5 working days.

Being able to wash up as a part-time job but not at home sounds very normal to me.

If you have only just started getting tough you need to give it a while to sink in. It does sound as if he needs to realise he is 18. Have you told him to give you any keep? If he has left college he needs to start supporting himself. Plus if he can keep a kitchen job it sounds like he is making a choice to be unable to do basic chores at home. I was amazed you allowed him just to move out of his filthy room. It does sound that there is a lack of respect for you and your home rather than a medical problem, my Dd2 is dyspraxic and is clean, tidy and organised- with the help of her trusty notebook. It sounds like he is very immature and maybe has got away with things for so long cannot be bothered to change.

How did he do at school? Did they ever raise any concerns?

At school he got into a mess forgetting to hand in work and I spent months sitting at the table making him revise.

He has been like this for years. We have been doing thisfor years.

We moved the rooms around, he is in the box room nowand no longer has the large room. His stuff was bagged up and put in the loft. Clothes bagged and left in smaller room. Which was then ripped open and dumped on floor.

He might have an additional learning need, but now he has left school I would suspect that it would be hard to get a formal diagnoses. I have a foster son like this. We just work on a reward system and follow it through. But by rewards it is stuff like going to cadets/ ice skating as opposed to money as he really isn't bothered about that.

Didn't want to drip feed just an unbiased opinion. He is my DSS. Does 50/50. Brother (20) bad too but more in a lazy teenager way rather than like his brother who I believe forgets, doesn't think.

DH feels the same as does their DM. She works a long difficult job and comes home after 12 hour sheifts to find the kitchen covered in pots and food. She has given up but is trying to work with DH on doing swap over calls. It would be harder for her because she is a lone parent . The whole situation is creating stress in all.