I am in a cold sweat....

[chocoluvva]

DD's boyfriend is taking his driving test tomorrow. Apparently he wants to take her out in his (family's second) car on Friday evening if he passes. It'll be dark obviously and he might want other friends to join them - though hopefully not (I'm thinking of accident risk factors - ie, having more than one passenger) as he's going to a lads' night at a friend's house on Saturday.

He lives nine miles from us - we're in a suburb - he's in a small town. The roads aren't horrendous and I know he's done the drive from his to ours before, but some stretches have a 60mph limit and the thought of him driving that route with DD fills me with terror.

DD/BF are in the habit of staying over at each other's homes at the weekend. At the moment the plan is for them to go a city-centre cinema then come back here but if he isn't allowed to have the car overnight, he'll no doubt invite her back to his.... The thought of him driving into town isn't quite so bad - less risky? - but the thought of them driving back out to his - dual carriageway and country roads....

I don't know what I'm hoping you wise ladies can say as I don't want my DD being a passenger in his car, but I don't want to say she can't either. His parents trust him, his friends will probably be delighted to go out with him in his car......

He's a nice lad and he doesn't seem reckless but I hope he doesn't pass.

Oops. Sounds just like DS's friend who I mentioned earlier.
Are you going to say no to future lifts?

I must be bad. I let my son take his girlfriend home along a dark road the day he passed his test. He had done the drive loads of times with me in the car. My daughter picked me up from a party the day she passed her test. I wonder if it's because I was the only driver and my children did all the driving when they were learners so had driven a lot of miles and I felt very confident about their driving.

I don't think it makes you bad - but I'm rather surprised that you don't seem to differentiate between a drive under instruction from a parent and being let loose unsupervised with his mates. 99 times out of 100 everything will be fine, but there's a reason that insurance premiums are vastly cheaper if there's a stipulation that there can only be one other person under 21 in the car. There are enough reports in local press, bunches of flowers by the roadside etc to show the tragic results of reckless young drivers showing off. But of course we all believe that our child would never be the one...

fortyplus insurance premiums are vastly cheaper if there's a stipulation that there can only be one other person under 21 in the car.
Are they? My insurer doesn't give a discount for this. In fact none of the ones I checked mentioned it? Which company does this, I would definitely be happy to use them.

DS had many miles of driving with me in addition to his lessons. Driving with a car load of testosterone fuelled friends is not the same thing at all which is why I still won't let him do that.

I couldn't find that either secret. But I think the statistics are worse when there is more than one passenger of the same gender as the driver - as more accidents involve males that would be the "car load of testosterone fuelled friends".

In the case of DD she only has two more weeks of school and BF's mum works most days so he won't usually have the car.

According to DD, BF offered her a lift, friends "must have overheard or something so he gave them lifts too" I can't remember whether I specifically said to him, 'We don't want DD going in your car if you have other passengers" but it was certainly raised - he himself mentioned the increased risk of having passengers in the back seat - perhaps the driver turns round to talk to them or look at something.... Or perhaps the potential for one passenger to cause a distraction is just less significant.

I also read that the risk of accidents is significantly less once the driver has driven 1000 miles. I suppose that might often be about the same as the often quoted six months. Probably less time in many cases.

I think I'll just quietly say to BF that if he's planning to have more than one passenger I'll give DD a lift. I'm annoyed with him, but I don't know the exact details and he's not my DS.... and DD could have rung and asked for a lift when she realised that other friends were getting in the car too. According to DD his mum has told him that if he has an accident requiring an insurance claim she will cancel his insurance.

I wonder if my DM had a chat with my BF when he got a car, aged 18.... Or if schools advise against pupils going in each others cars.

Some accidents are no doubt showing off, but I suspect a lot of the minor ones (that still bump up insurance) are because the driver is trying to listen to the gossip in the back seat.

Just think how distracting fighting DCs are. I put a huge dint in my door on our gate, because DD screamed in the back. (For no particularly good reason).

Just having one friend in the front who can see when
It's getting busy and shut up if you look stressed is far less distracting. If they are learning to drive or can drive it's even better, because they instinctively know when to be quiet.

Once I nearly caused an accident when my DCs were squabbling in the back too.

New drivers lose their license if they get six points on it IIRC. You'd think that would discourage speeding, but of course anyone can just have a moment of carelessness and new drivers are presumably more likely to misjudge things like tricky corners, adverse driving conditions etc.

yourlittlesecret yes - only one passenger under 21 and a black box brought the premium down from £2000 to £800 for my 18 year old ds2

Oh. Which company forty? (assuming it's within the rules of MN to say?)

I met BF's mum at a thing last night. After general chit-chat and saying how BF had done well passing first time, I raised the subject of taking passengers - hoping, perhaps foolishly, that she'd say something like, 'I understand your concern, I'll tell him not to take more than one passenger'. Not that it's up to me, obviously. She had just been saying she thought he had benefited from going out a lot in their car and had a lot of lessons, what a contrast there was between him and his sibling who has only had a few lessons. (Shortly before his test she told us she was confident in him.)

I don't know whether she was trying to be reassuring or whether she was being a proud mum, but when I said that I'd told DD it 'might be an idea to avoid getting in a full car with a new driver,' BF's mum replied that it depended on the passengers. A fair point.

Her concern presumably being that her sensible DS could be distracted by silly friends.... It's understandable.

I just vaguely agreed with her and took it no further. I botched that conversation: I might have offended her, it achieved nothing and now as usual I'm probably going to overthink the whole thing with no benefit to anyone. Maybe I overstepped the mark....

I will remind DD again to be sensible in the car though.

fortyplusAh that would be for their own car.
I have DS as a named driver on mine and it cost under £800 with Direst Line.
chocoluvva You may not have botched it. She may be thinking about what you said. I do think it's more difficult talking to the parents of our DC's boyfriend / girlfriend than just parents of friends, always a slight feeling of uneasiness.

chocoluvva I think he's with the co-op

Thank you.

Sex and drives and rock-and-roll.

choc You haven't necessarily botched the conversation - she may have just been relaying what her DS has said to her. Or, she may have given your conversation some thought since that evening and this may have the effect you are hoping for.

It's so hard isn't it? I also think it is so much more difficult talking to parents of DD's bf than just parents of friends, there always seems to be an elephant in the room whenever I have had to say anything to them.

I knew one of these kids :(

www.heraldscotland.com/sport/spl/aberdeen/pupils-in-tears-as-they-hear-of-crash-1.586307

soontobeslender

I'm so sorry. That's horrifying. "out for a short drive"

Five teenagers.

yup, it just illustrates what can go wrong with a mix of new driver, teenagers and a powerful car - 5 families devastated and other people injured :(

When they are older I'll be making my sons read it before they go out on the road.

That is a fairly straight long "A" road in the city too, so not on the motorway or a winding country road.

I've driven on that road. And Broughton High School isn't a school I'd associate with wild pupils. Not that you have to be wild to have a road accident of course.

As far as I remember, it was a new powerful BMW and she just lost control, probably not the type of car a new driver should be in and I don't think they were rowdy kids, just loud and distracting probably to a new driver. Easy enough to just hit the wrong pedal I think in a crisis, as far as I remember they reckon that instead of hitting the brake, she panicked and slammed the accelerator. Tragic.