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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Dd had a miscarriage.

47 replies

ButMummmmmm · 16/02/2014 18:31

My poor poor dd has had a miscarriage Sad she is only 16, she had been bleeding with heavy cramps for two weeks straight a week after having sex with her bf, it wasn't a period we have already confirmed this, I'm so upset for her, she was on the pill but as she didn't start it at the start of her period it wasn't a contraceptive til the 7th day, she had sex on the 6th, she did use a condom but she said it split, I don't know what to say to her I can't imagine what she's going through, if anyone has any experience or advice I'd really appreciate it

OP posts:
Coconutty · 16/02/2014 18:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
ButMummmmmm · 16/02/2014 18:55

Yes doctor told her no medical intervention is needed because it was only at 1-2 weeks and that it would just be a heavy period with a lot of cramping

OP posts:
PQ77 · 16/02/2014 19:01

I'm sorry to hear what your dd is going through. From a practical point of view if the bleeding doesn't stop or she has any signs of infection (eg raised temp) it would be worth going back to the dr. In terms of other support the miscarriage association has some great leaflets www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/information/leaflets/
and a forum for support on their website.

Trifle · 16/02/2014 19:05

I can't quite work out what you are upset about, the fact that she is no longer pregnant or that she is suffering. Surely it must be a relief that, at 16, she is not pregnant.

hickorychicken · 16/02/2014 19:07

Trifle thats a little insensitive....

Bowlersarm · 16/02/2014 19:09

Kind of with Trifle. Was she trying for a baby?

Original poster
ButMummmmmm · 16/02/2014 19:09

Doctor said bleeding should stop by tomorrow if not then we have to go back
Trifle I'm upset that she is suffering obviously I'm extremely relieved she isn't pregnant at 16 I just can't imagine going through such a traumatic event at that age.

OP posts:
Original poster
ButMummmmmm · 16/02/2014 19:11

bowlersarm no as far as I know she wasn't trying for a baby can't imagine her wanting one as she has little interest in children

OP posts:
TitsalinaBumSquash · 16/02/2014 19:15

As some one who had an accidental pregnancy (failed contraception and MAP) but then went into miscarriage, the people saying it's a relief are really unpleasant, ok 16 isn't the best age to be pregnant but a miscarriage at any age is devastating ffs. Angry

I had a dr tell me I was a 'lucky girl' and that 'nature had bailed me out' stupid, rude woman!

I'm sorry your DD is going through this OP, please support her well.

bakingtins · 16/02/2014 19:19

Sorry to hear that. Whether or not the pregnancy was planned or wanted, it's a horrible thing to go through. There's a MC support board in the body and soul section if she wants to chat to others who've been through it, I expect she'll feel very isolated as her friends are unlikely to have any experience. Word of warning though, it's a very common reaction to losing any pregnancy to be desperate to conceive again to 'put things right' so you need to be in there talking to her about why that's not great at 16 and getting reliable contraception sorted.

ValentinesMassacred · 16/02/2014 19:22

I'm with Trifle too, she's 16 and didn't know she was pregnant yet? I would be more concerned she didn't follow instructions for contraception correctly.

KingR0llo · 16/02/2014 19:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MoominIsGoingToBeAMumEEEEK · 16/02/2014 19:26

Trifle That's very insensitive... I have a couple of friends, one of whom had a miscarriage and another who had an abortion, both at 16, and neither of them saw it as a 'relief that they weren't pregnant anymore', and neither of them had been trying. I had a miscarriage at 18, again, not trying, and it was one of the worst experiences of my life.

It's still a loss and it's still bloody painful, emotionally and physically, whatever age you are when it happens.

OP from personal experience, looking after myself helped. Hot chocolate, crap films and a hot water bottle got me through the immediate first couple of weeks. Don't downplay it because of her age or treat it as a relief - even if that's what you feel, and what she possibly feels, there will more than likely be intense guilt at feeling that way. Keep an eye on her; my feelings of guilt came out in horrendous nightmares and sleep deprivation.

I only started to feel emotionally any better at all after the bleeding stopped - while I was still bleeding, I was still constantly being reminded of it. Wait until a while after the bleeding has stopped and she seems more settled to talk (if you're planning on it) about contraception or the possibility of a 'next time' - right now she needs to deal with what has just happened.

The most important advice is to be there for her. I didn't tell anyone for weeks, by which time I'd tried to 'handle it' myself - and failed. If I'd had people there for me (I was living away at uni and didn't tell any of my friends either), I'd probably have been able to cope much better - as it was, it has and is still massively impacting my life - I got pregnant again within seven months when I'm really not ready, because of various reasons - needing to prove to myself that it was a fluke and wasn't my body's fault, a sense of 'replacing' what I'd lost, etc.

Miscarriage has a deep emotional effect on women of all ages, and I just want you to be aware that even though now she wasn't planning on children soon/showed no interest/maybe even seems relieved, keep an eye on her and make sure she knows you're there if she needs you. She may deal with it remarkably well - it's just best to be on the safe side.

Owllady · 16/02/2014 19:27

Have some of you got no empathy or something? If it were my daughter I would be concerned she was scared and frightened and in pain and would want to ease that
I hope she is okay op

InternetFOREVER · 16/02/2014 19:28

So sorry she's going through this. Do you think she needs a second opinion though other than GP? One week after sex an embryo would barely have implanted, so you wouldn't expect any thickening of the womb yet... two weeks of heavy bleeding doesn't add up at all. Could she have been pregnant before she went on the pill?

EirikurNoromaour · 16/02/2014 19:29

She didn't know she was pregnant until she started bleeding
She wasn't planning to be pregnant
She's a couple if weeks at most
I'm sorry but I don't see this is a terrible ordeal. I hope she isn't too uncomfortable. Maybe I'm a bitch

BobPatSamandIgglePiggle · 16/02/2014 19:33

How do they know she was pregnant? Is it not just a period / bleed after first time sex?

ToffeeOwnsTheSausage · 16/02/2014 19:36

I hope she is okay but I definitely think she needs to see a nurse to sort out she understands when to take the pill and what to do when a condom splits.

VivaLeBeaver · 16/02/2014 19:38

Has she had a scan or a positive pregnancy test?

Just be aware that although she's shown no interest in babies previously hormones and a miscarriage can do funny things. I had two friends when I was at school who this happened to and both purposefully got pregnant very soon after the miscarriage.

diddlediddledumpling · 16/02/2014 19:41

A miscarriage is a hideous experience, whether you want to be pregnant or not. While she may come to be relieved, that's irrelevant now. Some very insensitive posters here.

Just give tlc, and make sure she looks after herself. Sorry she's going through this.

insancerre · 16/02/2014 19:44

hope she feels better soon
I can emphasise with how you feel
did had a termination at 14 and it was the most traumatic experience we have gone through together
but we did get through itThanks Thanks

sugarandspite · 16/02/2014 19:45

OP if it is as you describe an early MC, please be aware that along with a possible hormonal drive to get pregnant soon after, a lot of women also find that they have a real fertility increase in the couple of cycles post MC. In fact, plenty of women on the MC board have made the most of this to conceive their next pregnancy.

Original poster
ButMummmmmm · 16/02/2014 19:45

Bobpatsam it wasnt the first time she's had sex, she started bleeding a week after having sex with her boyfriend when she wasn't due a period according to her pill so that's when her concerns first arose, I only found out yesterday after she had been to the doctor to confirm it and told me, her bf and his parents knew, she said she took her pill everyday at 12:30 following the instructions the nurse had given her

I know it may of only been a couple of weeks but she said she feels as if it's her fault it happened that maybe se could of done something to prevent it, i keep telling her it isn't and I'm trying to support her as much as I can, she said sometimes the cramps were so bad she couldn't put her pyjamas on,she thought it was just irregular bleedin due to starting the pill but went to the doctor and doctor confirmed it had been a miscarriage, doctor also said a lot of women have miscarriages in the first one or two weeks but don't realise as no pregnancy test has been done so just assume it's a heavy/late period

OP posts:
MoominIsGoingToBeAMumEEEEK · 16/02/2014 19:47

Your poor DD Sad I know it goes without saying (and you're already doing it) but keep emphasizing that it wasn't her fault and she has nothing to feel guilty about, there really isn't anything she could've done.

StupidMistakes · 16/02/2014 19:49

First of all can I say you must have done a wonderful job with your DD for her to come to you, tell you she had been put on the pill, but it had failed and she was then pregnant, although miscarrying, there are a lot of 16 year old that wouldn't tell their parents, and rather go through it alone than face their parents and the reactions they might get.

Losing a child, whatever your age < I was 17, 9 months married when I lost my first> will affect her, and she will greive for the child she has lost, whatever feeling she feels, she needs to go through them and come out the other side. I know as a mum this will be very hard for you to watch her suffering, but all you can do is be there, be her shoulder, have the practical information available and be open to her and the feelings she will have.