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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Dd had a miscarriage.

47 replies

ButMummmmmm · 16/02/2014 18:31

My poor poor dd has had a miscarriage she is only 16, she had been bleeding with heavy cramps for two weeks straight a week after having sex with her bf, it wasn't a period we have already confirmed this, I'm so upset for her, she was on the pill but as she didn't start it at the start of her period it wasn't a contraceptive til the 7th day, she had sex on the 6th, she did use a condom but she said it split, I don't know what to say to her I can't imagine what she's going through, if anyone has any experience or advice I'd really appreciate it

OP posts:

MinesAPintOfTea · 16/02/2014 19:50

I'm with moomin although it might be a good idea to somehow convey that relief is an acceptable emotion as will as shock/grief.

LynetteScavo · 16/02/2014 19:53

I only have my own personal experience to go on (I'm not a medic!) but heavy bleeding and cramps for two weeks sounds very severe to me.

Surely she didn't get pregnant the previous week - I would think the pregnancy was further on than that.

Not a nice thing for anyone, but especially someone so young to go through.

I the bleeding and cramps don't stop, I really think she should go back to the GP.

Original poster

ButMummmmmm · 16/02/2014 20:00

lynette she said some days the bleeding was normal as a period would be but some days it was quite heavy, don't mean to go into tmi but she said quite a bit of tissue/clots passed through her over the two weeks also although she said they weren't huge about 1-2cm

OP posts:

InternetFOREVER · 16/02/2014 20:23

From what you're saying she must have been further along :-( shocked that a GP would "confirm" a miscarriage at only approx. 7 days dpo and not be worried about these symptoms.

VivaLeBeaver · 16/02/2014 20:47

Surely she should have been referred to early pregnancy assessment unit for a scan to rule out an ectopic?

Marcipex · 16/02/2014 20:53

Poor DD and poor you OP.

GillyBillyWilly · 16/02/2014 20:58

Do you really think she was actually pregnant?
Sounds like what you're saying is that she started bleeding around what would be 7dpo... Implantation hasn't even occurred at that point.
Im confused.
Whatever it is, I'm sorry she's going through this. But it doesn't sound like a miscarriage unless she was much further along.

hickorychicken · 16/02/2014 20:59

I thought i was miscarrying with dd2 and the doc said to me something along the lines of "from what youve told me iit sounds as though there is no longer a pregnancy but im referring you to EPU just so we can see whats going on".
Has she POAS?

GillyBillyWilly · 16/02/2014 21:00

Didn't mean that to sound harsh... Sorry if it did.
Just seems very strange. Especially to bleed for 2 weeks... That's long time for such a very early MC.
I do hope she's ok.

BrokenButNotFinished · 16/02/2014 21:07

I'm sorry to hear this. But - on a purely practical level - it seems unusual to me to bleed that long with a miscarriage: mine have passed very quickly (usually naturally within 48 hours). Any longer and doctors seem to get twitchy about performing an ERPC or giving you drugs. The only way, surely, to tell if there has been a pregnancy is by transvaginal ultrasound: the foetal sac may have passed, but it's still possible to see an unusual thickening of the endometrium. As the above post, I am surprised she hasn't been referred simply to rule out an ectopic: a gp alone cannot diagnose anything in early pregnancy. They usually also want to test your hcg levels at intervals to check they're dropping. Not to devalue any upset your daughter may be feeling, but I would want more confirmation of how a pregnancy has been diagnosed and what the hell they're going to do about abnormal bleeding.

Fwiw - the earliest I have been able to positively test is ovulation +9 days. Which would be about day 23 of the average cycle.

expatinscotland · 16/02/2014 21:10

That's a lot of bleeding for such an early miscarriage.

Clabbage · 16/02/2014 21:12

My goodness. Some of the comments here really shock me. Having miscarried several times myself, I could never ever think it was a good outcome for my daughters. It is a wretched experience both physically and emotionally. I am so sorry your poor daughter has had to deal with this. The sense of failure and guilt is awful, wanted or otherwise. I'm inclined to agree that the lengthy bleeding is unusual, def worth checking out and maybe a blood test to ensure hcg levels are lowering. I'm sure it's not going to be what you do but I would definitely say much to her about the failed contraception,she's going to be feeling rubbish about herself anyway. Much love to you too Mum as it's got to be tough to watch. My mum has suffered for me when I've mc'd and I'm over 40!

Clabbage · 16/02/2014 21:16

Ah rubbish..that second bit was a bit incoherent! What I meant was I'm sure you won't bang on about the failed contraception and I certainly wouldn't recommend you do.

Nerfmother · 16/02/2014 21:21

This doesn't add up at all. I'd really be going back to the GP.
Sex on day 6 - not usually a fertile day, and then heavy bleeding a week later for two weeks only takes you to day 21? So not even due a period?

Migsy1 · 16/02/2014 21:21

Your poor daughter. I'm shocked at some of the earlier insensitive posts. I think she needs to go back to the doctor.

EirikurNoromaour · 16/02/2014 21:23

I slightly regret my cold hearted post. But just for context I've had a very last miscarriage and a very early one (similar to the OP, only confirmed it was a MC with a +ve after bleeding started)
Back in the days before hpts they wouldn't even consider this a miscarriage. A bit of perspective would be good in order to stop this from becoming bigger than it needs to be. Although if she's passing clots etc she probably needs a scan, it sounds unusual.

itsbetterthanabox · 16/02/2014 21:24

Some of these comments are disgusting. A miscarriage is horrible no matter how old you are. It makes no difference at all. You still feel the same emotions and physical feelings.
Op I hope she is ok.
The pill is easy to forget to take. Maybe go with her to a gum clinic and look at the implant. Very effective and nothing to think about. Sounds like her bf needs some sex ed on the condoms too!

Mogz · 16/02/2014 21:24

OP please give your daughter a big hug from me and tell her she will feel better, physically and mentally, soon. I had an early miscarriage aged 17 due to a very silly drunken night and even though I'd not even thought of having a baby when I realised what was happening I felt guilty that it was happening to the little life that could have been. The few weeks after we're very scary due to the bleeding and cramps. She needs to take it easy for a little while so her body can recover. Encourage her to talk to you if she wants or to go back to her GP if she feels more comfortable there.

Piscivorus · 16/02/2014 21:48

I think these things are very individual. Please don't think I'm being awful saying this.

I had something similar (late period, +ve test then heavy bleed but not lasting for 2 weeks) when I was 19. I can honestly say that I didn't really think about it much, just a passing thought that it was a problem I no longer had to deal with. I thought about it more when we began ttc and when pregnant with DC1.

I think you need to take your lead from your DD and console her but not make more of it than she makes of it iyswim. I was away from home at uni so didn't even tell my mum and think she would have been upset which would have made it harder.

Hope your DD is ok

mathanxiety · 17/02/2014 05:53

I think that's a lot of bleeding too. Is she sure she wasn't pregnant before she thought she was?

The cramping and passing of clots can be really unpleasant, and quite scary.

Two weeks is a lot of time to be bleeding. Too late now but she really should have been resting up when it first happened. Hope there won't be any complications and that she will get a scan/blood test and possibly some antibiotics to clear up any possible infection.

ValentinesMassacred · 17/02/2014 13:19

I'm probably one of the 'insensitive' posters, but I stand by my stance - I'm no stranger to the trauma of miscarriage having lost in all 3 trimesters, and I agree with an earlier poster about perspective. Very early miscarriages happen far more often than many people realise and in many cases the woman is completely unaware. It's clearly been an unpleasant experience for her and one good reason why it's best to delay sex until mature enough to deal with the consequences. I agree that at such an early stage there shouldn't be so much bleeding and tissue, so she does need to be checked in case the miscarriage is incomplete and needs to be managed.

Also, the OP said that her DD didn't start the pill at the start of her period so she wasn't covered until day 7 and she had sex on day 6 - that's clearly incorrect, if she got pregnant she ovulated, one more pill day wouldn't have changed that, she wasn't covered for the whole cycle and it's a concern that neither mother or daughter have understood this - or she was further along and had anticipated starting her contraception, again cause for concern. It is good she's talking to her Mum, but if she really did have a condom failure it's a pity their communication had not extended to discussing what to do in that situation.

itsbetterthanabox · 17/02/2014 17:39

I'm very savvy on contraception but there are so many different pills with many different rules that it can be confusing. Long term contraception is a much better option.

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