DD cant stop crying after letting herself down at school today and being asked to leave the classroom.

[morry1000]

DD2 17 . For those of you who don't know DD was readmitted to yr 11 due to her statement for ADHD /AS Symptoms . This was because of her SENCO who stuck her neck out and her 138 IQ.

Well she was thrown out of the class (First Time This Year) for muttering a swear word when the Biology teacher was being (BORING). She went in to isolation and has not stopped crying or shaking since.

She is petrified the school are going to expel her ( Despite the Senco and me reassuring her they are not) DD has worked so hard this year with attainment and her behaviour and is in line to get 6A* 1 B In (BIOLOGY)

I have grounded her for a week and banned her from playing Hockey at the weekend. She will not stop crying or shaking , how can I help her to stop crying and shaking.

The school breaks up tomorrow for half term, the Senco has suggested that the punishment should be 3 days isolation when half term finishes.

Should I keep DD of School tomorrow and let her play hockey on saturday.

Morry. It is quite evident that "Your Friend" has achieved what no other Senco has been able to do so. The Senco has got your DD working to her academic potential , and possibly towards higher education. This is an amazing turnaround , as I can remember your first posts last year.

I have just reacquainted myself with your original posts about your DD from last year, you were so worried about the future of your DD . At first you did not disclose your DDs intelligence, because you wanted to know what options though limited were available.

For anyone to question whether "Your Friend" is the Right person for your DD is stupid, and perhaps they should read your original posts. If people were to read your old posts they would see the appalling level of help your DD was getting from the school. This lack of help was from a school that Ofsted deemed outstanding , and yet were unable to provide a suitable and disciplined structure for your DD to learn.

I'm afraid I'm not invested enough to read all of the OP's posts before replying to this one. I didn't realise that was a prerequisite of replying to any post on MN.

Thank you Soul 2000. I remember, I was in bits at the time, had just lost a management position (BEING MADE REDUNDANT 52 YRS OLD)Retail after 25 years, No Academic Qualifications ( I Have Industry Based Qualifications) but No A Levels Or GCSEs . Husband had walked out , having a nervous breakdown Mum And Dad paying the Mortgage , DD1 blaming me for Everything and staying with her Dad when home from University.

To top it all it looked like the end of the road for DD2 , I had been pestering the school to put her in to Yr10 and not put her though exams
last year. The school were pointedly refusing to do that and insisting she stayed in Yr11 and took GCSE exams. They made it clear that unless she achieved 6 Cs and As in the subjects for further study , there was no way she would be allowed back in any year.

Here is where my friend comes in to it, my friend had been continually "TAPPED" up by this school to join them after being head of English/Latin at a very academic girls private school. She also has expertise in dealing with girls/boys who have high functioning "learning Difficulties"

My friend was prepared to resign if DD was not readmitted this year, and would have had no problem finding employment ( The Private girls school have offered her the Deputy Heads Job). She is fortunate that because she comes from a wealthy family and was educated at Cheltenham Ladies College sees education as a passion rather than career progression.

I felt I had to write this , to put the record straight.

Your friend as senco may have been good for your daughter's education, but that doesn't detract from the fact that she's been hugely unprofessional by treating your daughter differently because she knows her and telling you it was the teacher's fault.

The Only thing that concerns me is my Daughters Education...

P.S The Biology teacher was very rude to DD 1 5 years ago and was shocked when she got an A* at Gcse. He was the reason she did not do it for A level .

HE IS A HORRIBLE LITTLE MAN WHO IS JEALOUS OF DH BECAUSE HE GOT THE RESEARCH JOB HE WAS AFTER....

I get angry when I have had a drink>>>>>

Maybe, given the excellent results, the SENCO has treated the DD as the DD needed to be treated? Maybe it's not a matter of one size fits all?

Stop using capitals. Please.

I'm afraid I'm not invested enough to read all of the OP's posts before replying to this one. I didn't realise that was a prerequisite of replying to any post on MN.

Snap! I don't have time to trawl previous threads, and we shouldn't have to. I have time to reply to what I see in front of me, if there are more facts that we need to know, it is up to the op to inform us of them, not expect us to go digging for them.

My comment was based on the fact that your friend is harder on your daughter, when she should treat her equally & that she is giving you her opinion of a colleague she obviously doesn't like.

The Senco told me ( IT WAS THE TEACHERS FAULT) between us only You only keep things "between yourselves" if you aren't supposed to know it. She sounds very unprofessional, regardless of the good work she has done with your dd.

She was excluded twice in y 9 and once in yr 10 for swearing at teachers and refusing to do any work.

I am pleased that your dd has improved, don't get me wrong, but this is a continuing issue (at least the fourth time she has sworn at teachers - were they all in the wrong too?), so perhaps the senco needs to address this more, rather then gossip with you about your daughter's teachers. Yes, academia is important, but it now seems that your daughter's outbursts are holding her back & your friend's/SENCO's sanctions aren't working to improve the exact thing that needs addressing (your daughter's outbursts). Because without her controlling her outbursts, this is just a viscous cycle.

HE IS A HORRIBLE LITTLE MAN WHO IS JEALOUS OF DH BECAUSE HE GOT THE RESEARCH JOB HE WAS AFTER....

..still doesn't mean your daughter is allowed to swear at him & be rude, or that you & your friend are allowed to gossip about him & blame him for your daughter's outburst. I would have thought it would be HUGELY unprofessional of him to punish your daughter for that, & if he is, you need to talk to the school about him!!

The other three times she was suspended...what happened, why did your daughter swear & refuse to do work?

He told the DD that she was lazy and a waste of time. Was I the only one who read that bit?

Is this the way to talk to any student, let alone one with ADHD/AS symptoms?

I feel I am getting a glimpse into a parallel universe here.

mathanxiety

I get that all children are different, what I mean by equally is that the senco should be prepared to push any child to reach their potential, or gently lead any child to reach their potential.

Be harder on any child who needs it, not just one, be gentle on any child who needs it, not just one. etc.

She should all resources for all children, not give to one & not the other.

Is this the way to talk to any student, let alone one with ADHD/AS symptoms?

No it's not, but it is also no excuse for a child to swear at an adult.

Apparently during the lesson , he gave some work back and berated DD by saying "She was Lazy" and a waste of time. She then let out Fu Hell I am trying so hard and you are "Boring"

OP said apparently, so who told her this? her daughter who had been suspended YET again, or the SENCO? If it was the SENCO, who told her?

A child with ADHD/AS symptoms cannot be relied upon to bite her tongue and put up with verbal abuse.

I assumed perhaps wrongly that it was the daughter who told her. And we do not know the circumstances of any of the previous outbursts, whether they were provoked by teachers making similar remarks, etc.

In any case, failure to recognise impulse control issues that a child with ADHD/AS symptoms may have is not fair.

Maintaining on the payroll a teacher who verbally abuses students is not right either. A punishment meted out to a child for reacting to verbal abuse should not be enforced by the administration, whether that child had SN or not. No child should have to put up with this from any teacher.

You know what? I was a secondary school teacher for many years. In that time I got told to f - off, was an f-ing bitch, would have fireworks put in my exhaust, graffitied i was an f-ing slag on the toilet wall.
Also got told I was the best teacher ever, the most hard working, the most caring, was 'mint' 'safe' etc
You take the rough with the smooth and you do learn not to take it personally.

You also learn how to deal with teenagers as they become young adults and you try to respond with kindness and patience personified.
It is clear to me if noone else that if your dd is expecting A* in everything but Biology then that speaks volumes about their rapport.
He is calling her lazy (red rag personal comment btw) could have said for example 'You know that I know you are trying X and that you have improved but I just want the best for you...was this your best?'

Senco friend has done right by your dd by offering a 'deal' but reminding her of where her responsibilities lie. Hope all goes well for the future.

Newsflash: teachers are humans not robots. Therefore it is quite possible to have a personality clash, equally possible to not like a child's parents, and also likely that staff discuss amongst themselves kids and parents in staffrooms. So equally likely that a teacher might give insider info, a reality check or what really went on to a relative or friend, provided it was an off the record convo. I haven't done this as thank God have never had to teach a friend's child but I don't see it as surprising. Oh and teachers who teach from the board, talk at children,
teach to tests or textbook turn to page such-and -such and are 'old school' without the personality to back it up ARE boring.

Everybody. I have managed different people in different ways, surely the same applies to teaching.

My DD is a unusual in her high intelligence , but has behaviour problems usually associated with students of lower intelligence. The Senco with her original punishment was taking the "sting" out of the situation and immediately shut him up. The Biology teacher as in the past refused to have DD in his class (The Problem is there are only 2 Biology Teachers the other one is not teaching GCSE students) and was angry that she was readmitted to his class.

In my DDs mind she believes that only "THICK PEOPLE" have to repeat years and it is a constant battle , making her believe how bright she is.
10 minutes later though she wants to be a Teacher/Vet/Lawyer and will change her mind everyday depending on the moon. DD is 17 years of age therefore she has really got to find a way of controlling her urges to tell people to F* off ( even though she is 100% right to say it).

DD works well in a very strict ( But Caring environment) but needs to see success quickly to keep focus.

DD is 17 going on 25 and then becomes a very young 12 year old in the spate of 20 minutes this also happens at school. Sanctions have to be changeable because of this , you sanction a 17 year old differently from a 12 year old this helps to remind DD that she is 17 not 12.

I wouldn’t try to make a fuss over what the teacher said to be honest. It’s too easy to mis-hear “you are wasting time” as “you are a waste of time”. And your DD did indeed swear directly at the teacher and insult him so his reaction seems appropriate to me - my DS has been slung out of the classroom for similar, and by teachers who get on well with him at that. Though there wouldn't be any concern about them not taking him back so I can see why the SENCO felt she had to make threatening noises. Anyway your DD seems to have recovered so all's well that ends well!

Does your DD get any "social skills" therapy? When DS was in primary school his social-skills group (all mainstream-to-bright kids with ASCs) did an impromptu session on the difference between "I don't need any help thanks" and "GO AWAY!!!!"

TheseAreTheJokesFolks If you were personal friends with a pupil’s parents surely you would need to be even more cautious about over-sharing? I’ve occasionally had staff members tell me that someone mis-handled a situation with DS and triggered an outburst, or that someone did not get on with him. But the one teacher who never ever says anything about another staff member to me is the one I know personally.

Have issues with each other for various reasons.

Soul2000, you can't name people and accuse them of unprofessionalism like that. You're leaving yourself, and mumsnet, open to legal action. I suggest you report your post and get it deleted.

Teachers do manage different people differently, but managing 30 people differently every hour, up to 5 hours on the trot is a huge challenge. No one desire to be sworn at.

Tis quite a well known case iirc

If you know a student has ADHD/AS symptoms then I think you should be a bit more sensitive and take swearing, etc., with a grain of salt. Or you should familiarise yourself with methods of dealing with this student. Maybe you should talk with the SENCO and learn?

No teacher should ever dish out personal insults.

I think Soul200 is refering to a teacher who has been named in the national press- www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/law-and-order/10508486/Bullying-teacher-labelled-overweight-pupil-JCB-and-others-ugly-and-big-ears.html

I don't think she needs to get her post deleted.