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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

DD suspense des from school

52 replies

Doinmummy · 07/02/2014 20:10

Following on from my many threads about my troubled DD. I have redused to have her home due to violent behaviour . She's now been suspended from school for a week. What a mess

OP posts:
ThreeBeeOneGee · 07/02/2014 20:11

Where is she living at the moment?

ThreeBeeOneGee · 07/02/2014 20:20

From what I remember of your previous posts, you have already been through such a rollercoaster of ups and downs with her. Unless I'm remembering wrongly, you have tried asking CAMHS for support, and SS.

Original poster
Doinmummy · 07/02/2014 20:21

She's 15 and SS have said it's ok for her to stay at her 19 year old boyfriends til Monday. After that she goes into foster care. I'm a mess

OP posts:
Original poster
Doinmummy · 07/02/2014 20:23

I've asked everyone for help . Been turned down 3 times by cahms . SS have now said she can't live with me as my mental health is shredded

OP posts:
ThreeBeeOneGee · 07/02/2014 20:52

I think you have done everything (and more) that any parent can reasonably expect to do to support their child. The decisions she is making are her own responsibility. Doesn't stop you worrying though. Sad

Original poster
Doinmummy · 11/02/2014 22:11

Had a meeting at the school today and she's been expelled

OP posts:
ThreeBeeOneGee · 11/02/2014 22:15

Is she still at her boyfriend's, or living with a foster carer now?

I have experience of various kinds of crap happening, but not this particular kind, so I can't offer any advice I'm afraid, but I'm thinking of you.

Original poster
Doinmummy · 11/02/2014 22:18

She's still at her boyfriends. I can't begin to explain how devastated I feel. I've had to change the lock on the front door so she can't get in. It feels as if everything has fallen apart . I feel totally alone

OP posts:
Travelledtheworld · 12/02/2014 13:09

Doin good to see you back......
If she is going into foster care that is the best thing for you both. Don't beat yourself up over this. Make the most of the space it will offer you. Let someone else take the strain for a while.

You have done as much as you can for the time being. Focus on yourself now.

Original poster
Doinmummy · 12/02/2014 13:20

She is 16 on Sunday and I've been told it's unlikely she'll go into foster care. The advice I've been given is that they normally bed hop for as long as people will put up with it and then they come crawling back.

She'll miss all her GCSE's . I've been put on Valium which is helping a bit. It just seems such a mess. She's not been told yet about being expelled.

OP posts:
Travelledtheworld · 12/02/2014 14:56

Even though she has been expelled from school, has she been entered for her GCSE' s ?

She must have already completed some of the assessments eg English, where a significant proportion of the course is class based assessments.

You will need advice from the Education Authority, I thought under 18' s are not allowed to leave school now until they have passed maths and English GCSE.

Travelledtheworld · 12/02/2014 14:56

And no more Zopiclone ? OK ?

Floggingmolly · 12/02/2014 15:00

Can SS really give the go ahead for an under age girl to move in with her 19 year old boyfriend??? Shock. Isn't there a child protection issue there?

Original poster
Doinmummy · 12/02/2014 15:57

Travel no def no more zopiclone. Although laughably the GP has given me enough diazepam to knock out a herd of elephants.

Flogging we've discussed the child protection issue and it seems common for this to happen

I've no idea what will happen re GCSE's , I'm waiting to hear

OP posts:
Maryz · 12/02/2014 19:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Doinmummy · 12/02/2014 21:16

Thankyou Mary I'm breaking the day down into ten minute segments as that's all I can seem to manage.

Things have been taken out of my hands at the moment, she's not allowed back home. The school saw her at her worse the other day when she went for the teacher and said they can't believe I've been living with this for so long. Did they think I'd been making it up ????!

I think she's seeing some sort of therapist/ psychologist tomorrow.

OP posts:
Maryz · 12/02/2014 21:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Doinmummy · 12/02/2014 21:54

I've been signed off work for a month and I'm going to take it.

I feel that I have been able to mentally hand things over to the authorities. I'm not chasing round trying to find out where she is and that has lifted some of the anxiety. Like you say , I'll soon find out if anything happens. My friends advice has been ' don't do what ifs' so I'm trying not to.

OP posts:
Maryz · 12/02/2014 22:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Doinmummy · 12/02/2014 22:44

The social worker has said she's going to put me forward for CBT so I can cope better with daughter. I will go but can't get past the thought that If DD behaved I wouldn't need bloody therapy

OP posts:
flow4 · 13/02/2014 06:12

Just spotted this thread, Doin. Hello. :)

I had exactly the same thought about counseling when I was dealing with my DS's bad behaviour. But with hindsight what I think is, DD isn't behaving (and neither was my son) so that's why you need help. Saying "If Dteen behaved I wouldn't need therapy" is like saying "If I wasn't under this ocean I wouldn't need this oxygen". :) And anything that might help is worth a try, isn't it?

Well done for changing the locks. You must be feeling really shit, but you've been through enough. You need to look after yourself, and it's really good you have started to do this.

Original poster
Doinmummy · 14/02/2014 12:19

It's all getting a bit messy with regards to what agency is helping. DD agreed to meet with the Family Solutions lady but then SS decided to bring in DBIT who neither DD nor I know. It's all so disjointed.

OP posts:
flow4 · 15/02/2014 22:48

It must be very frustrating. But at least she/you both are getting some help now. :)

Original poster
Doinmummy · 16/02/2014 18:00

Dd doesn't know that she's been expelled yet. School said they're going to write and tell her. Not sure that's a good idea. She's now refusing to see anyone from DBIT or SS .

OP posts:
flow4 · 17/02/2014 07:57

I guess she'll find out today. I hope it goes ok.

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