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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Sexual behaviour at parties

59 replies

felicity1971 · 04/02/2014 15:20

Good grief! I have just had a chat in the car with 14 year old son and four of his mates, 2 boys and 2 girls. They had been discussing parties that have happened recently and got onto the subject of girls being 'slutty'. Apparently it's the norm for some of the girls to get off with five or six different boys at a party and I don't mean just a quick snog! Some of the girls are giving blow jobs and getting fingered in front of the others. One girl was on her period and was fingered by two different boys one of whom proceeded to walk round showing his bloodied hand to others. These are year 10s by the way. If it had just been the boys talking amongst themselves I wouldn't have been so inclined to believe it all, but the two girls seemed genuinely upset by what's been going on. One of them said she gets called frigid because she doesn't want to indulge in this sort of behaviour.What is going on? They are still children. Genuinely worried that kids are growing up so fast that some might think this is a normal way to behave!

OP posts:
Back2Two · 04/02/2014 16:59

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happygirl87 · 04/02/2014 17:00

I think it's great that your children and their friends can talk freely to you.....

When I was this age, a couple would certainly start, for example snogging on the sofa, or in a sleeping bag- and then later we might find out that there had been a hand job. But not blow jobs etc in front of people, only in a closed bedroom/bathroom.

DownstairsMixUp · 04/02/2014 17:08

I think it happens a lot to sadly. I think my Dad got lucky in that the house parties I went to the parents usually stayed upstairs so nothing ever really happened apart from snogs and stuff. I only ever snogged at parties and anything sexual I did in my own privacy, wasn't because I was bothered about being a 'slut' I was just taught it's normal to want sexual things but there's a time and a place I guess, I think we were a rare group mates though by the sounds of it as from friends I met after school years it sounds common for this sort of stuff to go on and my DP admitted he got his first hand job pissed out his head at a party when he was 13 Shock

naffedoff · 04/02/2014 17:24

It certainly happens at parties that my DS (Yr9) goes to.
Girls getting very drunk and boys taking advantage basically-the boys seem to be less drunk than the girls.
Some of the girls have also got themselves into dangerous situations at house parties full of people they don't know because of being drunk. Blow jobs are fairly common, but it seems to be the same few each time who give/receive.

Mintyy · 04/02/2014 17:26

Why do you allow your Yr 9 child to go to parties when you know this goes on Confused? Would you be happy to let your dd go?

DownstairsMixUp · 04/02/2014 17:29

The only thing I always get curious about when i read these stories is where do the kids get the alcohol from? I remember my Dad wouldn't ever buy me any and I did ask for a couple of bottles to take to a party but he only ever let me have a drink with him or when I went to visit my Mum.

IglooisnowinSheffield · 04/02/2014 17:33

Yes things like this do go on, however discussing the sexual behaviour of teens online makes me a bit squeamish, you don't know what weirdos are taking enjoyment out if these stories Hmm

noddyholder · 04/02/2014 17:36

My son first went to parties aged about 15 with a couple of beers. He said the kids above bought anyone who wanted it vodka etc. he never once came home drunk or sick etc. The girls really got smashed and I helped a few out on several occasions. We had a few parties at ours they turned up with all sorts and I usually went out until about 12 ish.I was also surprised at the prevalence of cannabis everyone 16 plus smoked it and I mean everyone. The main 'supplier' was a teachers son and she was convinced her ds didn't touch it. Now that they are all 19+ and at university in some ways I think it has benefited them. My ds is non plussed by getting off his head and he says some freshers who haven't had experience were in right state. One girl in his group ended up in A and E the first week after buying drugs! I met her she is a lovely private school educated little slip of a girl but went nuts at the first chance. It is totally different now from when we were teens imho social media etc has just changed everything.

VelmaD · 04/02/2014 17:45

Sounds very similar to my teen years - which in hindsight is not a good thing :-(

DownstairsMixUp · 04/02/2014 17:48

I definitely feel I am the odd one out now! Will keep a close eye on DS when he gets to that age! Grin

Coconutty · 04/02/2014 17:51

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Madasabox · 04/02/2014 17:56

I am really shocked! I think I must have had a very sheltered upbringing. I never knew anyone who did anything like this.

DownstairsMixUp · 04/02/2014 18:06

Madas I'm in your club to Grin

MoominMammasHandbag · 04/02/2014 18:10

I don't think my lot have ever done anything like this. Of course I may be completely fooling myself.

DD was friends with a very arrogant, middle class crowd of boys. I never let her go to any of their parties at that age. I have gone on about self respect to my kids since they were tiny though; always implied that people who allowed themselves to be used, were a bit sad and damaged.

It seems to have worked so far. They have all been very choosy about who they have dated and gone in for longish relationships. I am fairly laid back though once they are 17 or so and allow serious boy/girlfriends to sleep over.

Elderberri · 04/02/2014 18:11

I just want to thank all the shits I went to school with who never thought I was cool enough to be invited to thier parties. Thank you, I missed all this.

MissBeehiving · 04/02/2014 18:53

Oh that type of thing went on at parties when I was that age. Private school parties were the worst for some reason.

intheround · 04/02/2014 19:02

nosy the students at uni with your Ds are no different to your DS and his friends, they're just doing it all a couple of years later.

I read a book that said that when we were teenagers, years ago, life was like walking down a corridor with doors on either side marked "sex", "drugs" and "alcohol". These were largely closed but sometimes they opened and a few would go in. Now, with social media, the doors are all wide open with people to welcome you over the threshold.
Changed days..
www.goodreads.com/book/show/705070.He_ll_Be_Ok

Rascalls3 · 04/02/2014 19:05

I can't remember the name of it unfortunately but I watched a really informative/ shocking tv program a few months ago about this year group (year 10) and porn and agree with the above posters that 'normal' teenage behaviour has been fuelled by the availability of porn for this generation.
The presenter (who edited a 1980s/1990s Lads Mag) asked a class of year 10s to do an A to Z on porn and they managed to come up with words he had not heard of! The ENTIRE class wrote anal under A!
Apparently porn is passed around on their phones/on Facebook in the playground, which I assume means that even with the strictest security settings at home every teen will have access to it.
Personally I avoided holding parties at our house until my 3 were in the 6th form. I just didn't want the responsibility before then. Any parent who thinks their 15/16 year old child is not being exposed to the behaviour described in the previous posts is sadly deluded.

TantrumsAndBalloons · 04/02/2014 19:11

I remember last year my DS, then just 14 coming home from a party and telling me what had been going on.
He said to me, mum I just don't get it, why would anyone want to do stuff with a girl so drunk she doesn't know what she's doing? I mean, she's going to be so embarresed tomorrow, everyone is going to be taking the piss and all they boys she did it with are going to be walking round like they are something special. But they aren't, it not a clever thing to take advantage of someone is it?

I just hope to god he carries on with that attitude and passes it on to some of his friends who think a blow job from a drunken 15 year old is something to plaster all over twitter.

Fluffycloudland77 · 04/02/2014 19:21

It sounds like my school in Y10. I went to school in a naice area too Hmm.

I was left out of it all because I was fat with sticky out teeth and glasses.

MoominMammasHandbag · 04/02/2014 20:02

You sound like you're doing a good job with your lad there Tantrums.

Thing is, it's not a massive step further for those lads to be having sex with someone too drunk to give her consent. And that is rape.

Helpyourself · 04/02/2014 20:13

And, how can porn be rife "in the playground" ? Very very easily back2two most kids have 3G phones and its just a Google away. Sad

DownstairsMixUp · 04/02/2014 20:45

Eek! I used to blush at sexual words let alone actual porn! I'm not even that old either. Times change quickly!

Noggie · 04/02/2014 21:01

Alcohol and unsupervised teenagers is not a good combination. I have heard so many parents talking about coming back to their house to find it trashed with drunk kids everywhere and rumours of all sorts of things having gone on while they went out for dinner and allowed their kids to have a party. It is then made worse by teenagers taking photos with smart phones and posting them online- many many girls (and boys) must be so embarrassed. Unfortunately once posted online those photos are out there for all to see and can't be retrievedHmm.

Sparklysilversequins · 04/02/2014 21:08

I remember things like this happening and this was 25 years ago. I remember being at a party when I was 15 where an established "couple" had sex for the first time, the boy ended the relationship the moment it was over. They'd been seeing each other for months but he came out of the bedroom and told all his mates that he had only stayed going out with her to get laid Shock.

Always stuff like that kicking off. I agree that your dc are around and maybe engaging in all that but you haven't a clue! It's terrifying really.