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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

How do you get your teenager to put their own bowls, cups etc. in the dishwashwer and turn the lights off?

88 replies

AskBasil · 27/01/2014 12:40

Is this too trivial to ask about?

It just pisses me off. It takes 5 seconds to put your own bowl in the dishwasher. It takes 1 second to flick the switch on your way out of the room.

I feel like I can't leave for work until the DC's leave for school as there will be food left out, lights on etc., all day if I'm not the last to leave. But I'd rather get to work earlier so that I can leave earlier. Can't do that until I know the DC's will do those basic things before they leave the house.

Anyone had any success in getting their kids to do this?

OP posts:
Original poster
AskBasil · 27/01/2014 13:18

I have actually instituted a system of taking it in turns to hang out the laundry, so that if they chuck things in the washing basket instead of hanging it up, it will cause them more work as their turn will come round quicker.

I have noticed this has had an impact - laundry load reduced by about 2 loads a week.

I'm not brave enough to get them to actually load the machine in turns in case they ruin the clothes.

OP posts:
TantrumsAndBalloons · 27/01/2014 13:21

yy to knickers in tights. and kirby grips everywhere and tissues in pockets.

Sparklingbrook · 27/01/2014 13:22

You see that's my problem. If they do do something they make a huge mess. DS1 making a baked bean toastie-bread everywhere, stray baked beans all over the worktop, forgets to use a chopping board scratching the worktop etc.

Original poster
AskBasil · 27/01/2014 13:24

Yeah, what is that 30 minutes minimum shower thing Impty?

We are on a bloody water meter. I'm not being mean, I just honestly can't afford it. Water bills are over £700 a year and the only possible savings are time taken to shower (and laundry but not doing that because I'd rather they learned that chucking clean things in laundry results in more work for them and I'm just too much of a princess to sniff Wink).

OP posts:
Middleagedmotheroftwo · 27/01/2014 13:25

Oh God - don't get me started on the shower thing!! DDs both take 30 mins minimum - drives DH mad.

Sparklingbrook · 27/01/2014 13:25

Anyone else have a teen with braces with elastics? I find them everywhere. They give me the rage.

TantrumsAndBalloons · 27/01/2014 13:26

Holidays are the worst.
I go to work, they are still in bed, the house is tidy.

I come home- it looks like i have been burgled.

I have started to text them 10 minutes before I leave saying "i am on my way home. If the house is a mess, you are grounded"
seems to work Grin

TantrumsAndBalloons · 27/01/2014 13:29

And the ever present smell of Lynx-dear god almighty why use so much?

Weegiemum · 27/01/2014 13:30

Mine are quite happy to do the extra jobs I ask. It's the "as-you-go-along" bits that frustrate me. Stepping over the bag of yours that's on the stairs to go up. Leaving the milk out. Feeding the guinea pigs but forgetting the water. And the bloody lights.

impty · 27/01/2014 13:30

Oh yes- the making stuff. Remember when they are little and you encourage them to help in the kitchen? Now you step in to a disaster zone, because they fancy some toast...

BackforGood · 27/01/2014 13:32

Enb76 - yeah, we all had them trained at 5, but once they morph into teens, they lose the power to be able to do things they could do when they were younger, oh, except, apparently when they are in other friends houses, when they are lovely and polite and clear up the table after themselves. Grin

Yes - we have the minimum of 20mins in the shower thing here too - well, 2 of them, the 12 yr old is a soap dodger at the moment, don't know which is worse.

MoreBeta · 27/01/2014 13:38

"You're fighting a losing battle. I gave up ages ago, having decided there are bigger things to worry about. It does annoy me though."

Oh I do so agree.

I give up. I sound like a broken record droning on in the morning as we count down for them leaving for school. Please pick up your clothes form last night, put light off. flush loo, brush teeth, wash hands after loo, get your blazer/shoes on as it is 1 minute to 8.00 am.

Its the same at night take out your dirty kit from games bag and put ready for washing, do your homework, gives us any letters to sign, do your homework (again), get bags ready for school tomorrow, come for your tea, do your homework (yet again) ......etc. etc.

I repeat myself, they ignore, I eventually lose patience, they say 'Oh my life, why are you always going on at us!'

Its worse when they know I am busy and just don't have time for it.

I just give up and do it all myself and that is so wrong but for the sake of sanity you have to.

I seriously am thinking of boarding school, honestly I am this close to sending the application form and a big cheque to make it all go away

Original poster
AskBasil · 27/01/2014 13:48

I refuse to do it all myself though.

I really don't want either of them to grow up thinking that the role of the woman in the house is to clear up everyone else's shite.

Not much chance of that, mainly because my house looks like a mess a lot of the time because I'm waiting for them to finish watching TV and clean up after themselves...

OP posts:
MothratheMighty · 27/01/2014 13:50

We don't have a dishwasher, so we take turns washing up.
Sorry, but mine do keep the basic rules we have as people who share a house. They both have AS and seem far easier than most other people's teenagers in many ways.

Original poster
AskBasil · 27/01/2014 13:50

I suppose just going on and on about it eventually goes in so that when they do have places of their own/ sharing with others, they do know that they're responsible for their own shite and everyone else (able-bodied) is responsible for their's, yes? Even if they had to be chivvied to do it at home?

OP posts:
notso · 27/01/2014 13:50

I took DD's light bulb away, she has that many screens glowing around her person she can see well enough and she has a lamp on a timer.

MothratheMighty · 27/01/2014 13:51

We all take ages in the shower/bath though. Grin

notso · 27/01/2014 13:53

I think you just have to be on their case. I find just bellowing "DD dishes" at regular intervals until she does it is more effective that the long lectures DH likes to give.

MothratheMighty · 27/01/2014 13:53

'I suppose just going on and on about it eventually goes in so that when they do have places of their own/ sharing with others, they do know that they're responsible for their own shite and everyone else (able-bodied) is responsible for their's, yes? Even if they had to be chivvied to do it at home?

No, DD really struggled with housesharing at Uni because of many of the immature egocentric and pampered young adults who still believed that the house elves would clean up after them. Mostly girls, it must be said.

ScentedScandal · 27/01/2014 13:56

I'm just happy if the plates make it back into the same room as the dishwasher. But they usually don't and pile up in bedrooms.

I should put speakers up round the house and my voice playing on a loop constantly: Plates in the kitchen, washing in the basket, stop bickering, ds WHEN DID YOU LAST HAVE A SHOWER...??

TunipTheUnconquerable · 27/01/2014 13:58

This thread is making me worried.
My oldest dc is 8. The other day I discovered she'd put her clean clothes in the laundry basket because it was less effort than putting them away. I assumed this was just an 8 year old thing. Now it seems I've got years of it ahead Shock

Original poster
AskBasil · 27/01/2014 14:01

Hmm.

See this is my problem. How much of this is teenage thoughtlessness and how much is it being trained into entitled, fuckwitted behaviour?

I'm super-vigilant about it because I don't want DD growing up seeing me role-modelling taking all responsibility for household work and subconsciously accepting lazy-arsed entitled behaviour from any man she lives with and I don't want DS to be one of those appalling men who has subconsciously got the message that the woman of the house is responsible for all the day to day invisible labour.

So I'm not sure how much leeway to give them for being teenagers - am i over-reacting because of the role-modelling issue, or am I under-reacting because I think so many teenagers behave like this?

OP posts:
Claybury · 27/01/2014 14:02

After Sunday lunch yesterday DS16 said he didn't like washing up because he doesn't like getting his hands dirty. There's SO much wrong with that argument. ...but he emptied the dishwasher for the first time ever. Well 1/2 of it.

I'm feeling rather smug as recently my teens have put their own clean sheets on after I stripped their beds. Within a day or two ! What a coup.

On the other hand, messy rooms are a good excuse to go in and have a search for contraband. If their rooms were immaculate with laundry dealt with , I couldn't justify going in. It's their choice.

BackforGood · 27/01/2014 14:06

Sorry Tunip - that's just morphing into a teen early Grin

I do take comfort from the fact they leap into action to clear away if at someone else's house, or at a function at Church or something to do with Scouts, so I know they know it needs doing, it's just frustrating that it only gets done at home when I'm there to remind them.

Starballbunny · 27/01/2014 14:08

No!
If I went out before them non fridge food and washing up wouldn't bother me, but lights would make me cross.

Drives me nuts as it is.

DH and the DDs have mornings down to a T. I keep out the way. When I do stick my nose out on a winters morning every light in the house is on.

Likewise on Wed evenings DD2 and I get back to find DH and DD1 have gone off to their hobby, leaving the house glowing!