Aaaargh. Help me keep my cool.

[parentofthreenager]

So - have just banned dd from computer FOREVER, taken her phone off her, told her I expect her to do several hours chores a day as she appears to have no homework...

She is lazy, moody, dresses like a v messy slapper, outrageously rude to all family and authority figures (but not, of course, to friends), reminds me of my age in every other sentence so makes me feel about 100!, takes no effort over school work, imagines she's going to have a 'career' as a pop star , makes no effort in any other aspect of her life, leaves crap all over the house...

But apart from that...

So - I need, clearly, to focus on the positives and get a grip, but finding it hard.

Help me please.

Reminds me when I took my ds3 to play in the snow a few years ago and I couldn't understand why he was SO miserable & I got really annoyed with him. Then at bath time I saw he was covered in chickenpox.
We are none of us perfect!

:)

She's feeling a bit better today and back to being horrid... Sadly, I think that version of her is the real one, for now...

Will try to think of her as a 'learner adult' and be forgiving towards annoying teenage attitude/habits eg getting ill because she refuses to wear a coat or eat any fruit/veg or get enough sleep...

Have you tried adopting her "slutty" mode of dress for a few hours/ a day? In a "if you think it looks good, check me out!" sort of way.

I saw a thread on here a while back about the bizarreness of teen language and one mum just used it back to them in front of their friends, watched them cringe and start speaking properly.

You could always try no rules. Seems to work with my lot and I find not having pointless arguments about stuff that (in the long run) really doesn't matter far less stressful than the alternative. Though, the girls have noticed that, if they aren't that helpful to me, my willingness to do things for them seems to decrease.

I've just realised that's how my household operates too notquiteruralbliss! A few exceptions: no mobiles at the dinner table, no damp towels on the beds and recently - no late nights mon - thurs.

DD wears horrendously short skirts but I don't think she looks slutty as the rest of her is fairly covered and her manner and expression are quite shy and quiet.

It's how our house operates too these days, more or less. All the rules now boil down to 'be respectful to people'. It didn't when they were younger: when DS2 was in his early teens, I spent an awful lot of energy trying to get him to stick to my rules, and failing, and dealing with him fighting against them...

So good to know what we are going through with our almost 13 year old is normal. However, she looks older....and when made-up, could easily pass for over 17....at a wedding in the summer a waiter offered her champagne!!! She thinks because she looks older she can act older and should be treated older....this last 2 months it's been wanting to 'snog' a boy...and twice having been caught doing so in an out of school activity. This is a major worry....we all know where snogging can lead!!!