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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Do your teens swear in front of you? And do you swear in front of them?

75 replies

treehouselover · 14/10/2013 22:24

Just something I'm pondering tonight. My DD is almost 12 and hasn't ever sworn in front of me (not since she was 2 and couldn't say fork very clearly!)

I was brought up to not swear in front of my parents, and I still never have. I swear plenty in front of other people, but I've always known my Mum wouldn't like it, so I don't.

I know lots of families of older teens and grown children who swear in day to day conversation in front of each other like I do with my friends. I don't mean calling them names and screaming at them, I mean a swearword if they drop their toast kind of thing.

So do you tolerate a few swear words in normal day to day life, and if so when do you start accepting it?

OP posts:

SoupDragon · 15/10/2013 13:24

I do not swear in front of my children (2 teens and a younger one) and I have told the older two that they are not to swear in front of me and they are absolutely positively NEVER to swear in front of my parents. To me, it is about earning when and where it is appropriate to swear. I managed to survive without swearing in front of my parents.

There are often pauses in my rants where I insert an appropriate swearword in my head - the two teens know what I am saying, DD does not.

bigTillyMint · 15/10/2013 13:29

Hmmm, I'd rather not say

Hullygully · 15/10/2013 13:30

yes

but it is very bad and we will all go to hell

chocoluvva · 15/10/2013 13:34

- Hellygelly!

Hullygully · 15/10/2013 18:02

heh heh

flow4 · 16/10/2013 08:28

I had a very sweary upbringing. My second-ever word was 'fuck'. Seriously.

I learned as a child that other people didn't do it and didn't like it. I got into trouble for it - including some quite confusing trouble, like the time I called a boy a 'bastard' for being horrible, and caused a parental row because illegitimacy was still stigmatised in the 70s, and it turned out he was.

When I had my own children, I made a very conscious effort to avoid swearing in front of them. It didn't really work with DS1, whose peers taught him everything I didn't, and more.

When they hit their teens, I relaxed a bit, but I still pull them up for swearing in front of other people. I also dislike and challenge 'cunt', and am likely to tell them "That's a part if my body; don't use it as a term of abuse, please", which DS1 finds deeply embarrassing!

Ragwort · 16/10/2013 08:37

No and no.

And like Secret I don't swear on mumsnet either .

I am sure my teenager swears occasionally, sometimes if he has friends round I hear them swearing or blaspheming and I happily tell them all off. .

yeghoulsandlittledevils · 16/10/2013 08:46

Occasionally (oh, who am I fooling!) Dc1 and I swear happily. We are told off for anything abusive, and we're working on it. We apologise for ooutbursts. That 'cunt' word has been uttered once in my hearing by dc's friend. I made it clear that it was not to be said again under my roof.

Dh and dc2 don't swear.

KristinaM · 16/10/2013 08:51

No and no

And I object to any racist, homophobic or misogynist talk too. And expressions that that put down other people's religion eg OMG/Allah /Mohammed

cory · 16/10/2013 09:36

I don't encourage it. Occasionally they will use a swear word if recounting a story, but never at us.

I think it's a useful skill to be able to manage a conversation without it. They will have plenty of opportunities of practising their swearing skills elsewhere.

EdBird · 16/10/2013 18:32

yes and yes
this may seem sad but I think swearing can be a hugely enjoyable activity sometimes :/
when driving alone, sometimes I swear so obscenely by changing swear words into verbs, adjectives, adverbs etc that I make myself laugh at the sheer ridiculousness of it :D
14DD swears but not in inappropriate sitations
Keeping DC away from swearing simply limits music that I enjoy too much anyway - no more hip-hop, indy etc etc....and virtually all contemporary artists swear in concert. Saw the Wurzels at a festival and they swore
As long as they know when to can it, then fine by me tbh

Octopus37 · 16/10/2013 19:18

Me and my DH are probably medium sweary, I am a bit worse to tbh. Try not to in front of the kids, (ageds 6 and 3), but cannot say I never had, DS1 overheard me say shit under my breath the other day when we were late for school. Occasionally I have heard DS1 swear and have pulled him up on it. Think his best has to be at age 3 though, we were in the car park at legoland, DH was trying to find a space, DS suddently said with perfect expression "fucking hell, there isn't anywhere to park". I blamed DH as I don't drive and at the time we lived in a house with no offstreet parking so parking was a nightmare.
I'm another one who would always draw the line at the C word, not a word I use myself or would tolerate the kids using ever, also same goes for racist/homophobic words.

Hulababy · 16/10/2013 19:39

I rarely swear, and never harshly. I may think such things in the car and if alone may even voice them :)
I have never sworn in front of my parents, though have herd them use mild swearing, mainly my mum, but only as an adult. But then I don't swear in front of anyone, not even DH.
I swore when growing up, like pretty much ever kid, but when I started teaching I found it easier to just eliminate it from my every day speech.

I worked in a prison for a few years and have to say that some people there swore in every sentence, amost every other day sometimes. I hated the way that sounded, though I did become somewhat immune to it and hardly noticed after a while, unless it was particularly harsh.

DD is 11y so not quite a teen yet. I would expect her not to swear in front of adults, and to think abut time/place. I expect she will swear when with friends as she gets older - I know I did when growing up but it is about knowing when it is acceptable and when it isn't.

littlejo67 · 21/10/2013 13:20

I think it depends on the situation. In the house a few fucks may slip out from my teens. That's normal relaxed behaviour. If we all went out for the day it would not be ok to swear in public. So we have different rules for different situations.

SirChenjin · 21/10/2013 13:24

Yes, they have been known to swear occasionally in anger. I don't tolerate it, so when it happens they know there is a consequence - which I always follow through. I don't swear in front of them - I don't want the 6 year old growing up around that kind of language, and take the "do as I do, not what I say" approach to parenting.

MaddAddam · 21/10/2013 13:46

I probably swear the most in our household, dp and teens aren't so bad, they swear a bit but it's quite mild (IMO).

I tell them not to swear in front of teachers, grandparents or elderly neighbours.

I wouldn't tolerate any racist, sexist, homophobic etc insults or language though. To me that's about 100x worse than the odd f...

TigOldBitties · 21/10/2013 18:09

Yes, but I am a very sweary, as is DH.

We have always sworn in front of our DC and have always made it clear that they are words for grown ups to use.

So once the DC have reached usually 12 or 13 its been acceptable for them to swear at home.

However, there is no swearing in front of teachers, old people, young children who are not in the family and 'in public'. They do swear in front of grandparents but thats because both sets swear profusely.

Racist and homophobic words are considered unacceptable.

dobedobedo · 21/10/2013 18:20

Don't have a teen yet but I've already told ds that if he wants to swear he can when he's finished primary school, as long as it's not AT someone, or in front of anyone that isn't me and dh or certain family members. Racist or homophobic language won't ever be tolerated.
There's nothing more cathartic than a good swear sometimes. It's just expression. Swearing doesn't make you a bad person.

Wuldric · 21/10/2013 19:01

The occasional 'fuck' is allowed.

See how much difference speechmarks make? If I had written:

'The occasional fuck is allowed'

The whole thing could've been misconstrued.

Complete ban on racist, sexist and disabledist swearwords or appellations such as 'retard'.

We try not to swear in front of the DCs and if they swear nastily in anger they get punished.

Bunbaker · 21/10/2013 22:01

No and no, not even when driving. I don't like swearing in daily conversation. It is uncouth, not cool and makes people sound uneducated or trying too hard to shock. I think it is fair enough if used in anger or shock, but not for normal conversation.

I sound like Hyacinth Bucket don't I

wordfactory · 22/10/2013 18:15

Yes, we all swear.

But not in anger IYSWIM. No one tells anyone to 'fuck off' or calls them a 'fucking bastard' in an argument.

But using swear words in the context of a conversationor having a laugh/joke is acceptable (to us)all round.

wordfactory · 22/10/2013 18:16

BTW we never ever use abusive language (racist, homophobic, sexist, disablist).

And DC know to never ever swear in front of others who may dislike it.

PetuliaThePigWitch · 26/10/2013 18:41

Yes. I don't swear in front of them. Have never heard them say cunt or bitch etc; but fuck and shit. They don't say it at anyone and I don't mind much.

KristinaM · 28/10/2013 09:09

I'm always suprised when people who wouldn't use racist of homophobic language think its ok to use words that offend others religion. Eg,they wouldn't use " paki" as it's derogatory to Pakistani people but would say " fucking Allah " , which is very offensive to Muslims . They wouldn't say " lesbo " about lesbians but use OMG or " jesus christ " which offens Lesbian Christians . Etc

conkertheworld · 28/10/2013 15:39

I stop DS (15) swearing because DS (4) is not only enough to understand that he can't use those words. This was particularly brought home after the "mummy, it's fucking raining again, isn't it" incident DS (15) finds this very difficult so there's quite a lot of telling off. I think it's very important kids learn when not to swear, otherwise you don't even realise you're doing it and it doesn't look good with work colleagues etc. (unless you know them well enough of course).

DH swears loads, although only for emphasis. WHen I ask him not to, he says, shit, sorry - so I've given up.

Of course, if you can be funny enough with it, you can say what you like.

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