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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Do your teens swear in front of you? And do you swear in front of them?

75 replies

treehouselover · 14/10/2013 22:24

Just something I'm pondering tonight. My DD is almost 12 and hasn't ever sworn in front of me (not since she was 2 and couldn't say fork very clearly!)

I was brought up to not swear in front of my parents, and I still never have. I swear plenty in front of other people, but I've always known my Mum wouldn't like it, so I don't.

I know lots of families of older teens and grown children who swear in day to day conversation in front of each other like I do with my friends. I don't mean calling them names and screaming at them, I mean a swearword if they drop their toast kind of thing.

So do you tolerate a few swear words in normal day to day life, and if so when do you start accepting it?

OP posts:
NoComet · 14/10/2013 23:36

Halloween Hmm why THL it's not very memorable

chickydoo · 14/10/2013 23:37

I swear far too much! It just feels so good. My family don't really.

NoComet · 14/10/2013 23:42

When did it become acceptable, I guess when DD1 was 12 and DD2 was 9 ie old enough to know when not to swear and old enough to get the fuck/sex connection and know it's not for polite use.

bruffin · 15/10/2013 00:22

I dont swear and Dh only when very angry.

DD 16 lets slip occasionally and DS only when he is angry in front of us, they use different language with their friends.

SilverApples · 15/10/2013 00:31

No, they don't do it intentionally, and if a swear word slips out under stress, they apologise. As do I, usually after a dodgy driving incident.
OH doesn't swear at all.
My two may swear with friends, probably do. I don't know.

yasmin7 · 15/10/2013 01:01

I do not swear but my daughter learnt dirty words from school. She is a bright student unfortunately the bad school where she is caused us trouble. Her spirit of humour gave in to sarcasm. She belittles her dad and myself. She had good results at her gcse and applied for a better school, she was offered a place and we all rejoiced unfortunately her Maths teacher came to our home and confused her. She stayed in that bad school, got more trouble, got us involved with social workers who made our life a misery. can any one advise us? Thanks

yasmin7 · 15/10/2013 01:09

Does any one know of parents groups. I am a loving and caring mother of a teenager and she drove me crazy with her behaviour. I live in Harrogate. I can go to leeds as well to meet with other parents of teenagers. Thanks.

Rosencrantz · 15/10/2013 01:37

Sweary family here.

Difference is swearing's intention.

Saying 'I've had a shite day' is fine.

'Mum, you're a fucking bitch' isn't.

Cunt still gets a telling off though.

Cerisier · 15/10/2013 08:36

Yasmin you need to start your own thread in the teenagers area.

To answer the OP not really and not really (exceptions being me when driving and the odd what the hell from DD2). I have never heard DH swear.

curlew · 15/10/2013 08:41

I don't allow misogynist swearing in my house from anybody. And "fuck" is only allowed in cases of extreme need. Apart from that, I allow swearing on a sliding scale.

TantrumsAndBalloons · 15/10/2013 08:50

Yes and yes.

Ds1 is 15 and the odd expletive may pass his lips occasionally especially when he is on the ps3 Grin

No swearing at people though.

FeetUpUntilChristmas · 15/10/2013 09:02

DC are 16 and 14, they certainly know all the swear words and I would let them watch films or TV shows with them in, if they use mild ones in the correct context then no problem, I do as does DP, no one feels the need to use the stronger more vulgar ones.

teenagetantrums · 15/10/2013 09:09

No and No, i don't really swear, my teenagers do but not in front of me, i just don't like it, i have trained their friends not swear when here as well, there is normally much swearing come from DD room in the morning, she is very grumpy in the morning and can never find anything, i just ignore that, not her fault we live in a tiny flat and everyone can hear everything, as long as its not directed at me.

HeirToTheIronThrone · 15/10/2013 09:27

No teenagers of my own, but when I was one we were never told off for swearing - my DM always said they were just words, and fine as long as you weren't using them against anyone. It rather took the glamour out of it - maybe that was the point!

Arrrkid · 15/10/2013 09:37

My lads are 9 & 11 and 'crap' has jusy recently crept into acceptable conversation. Even though I allow it, it still needs to be in a harmless context, not used in anger. I won't allow any stronger in front of them or from their mouths. This will continue as they get older. I'm 39 and don't swear in front of my parents!

chocoluvva · 15/10/2013 09:51

I'm so heartened by this thread - I hate all the swearing on MN (doesn't stop me being on here) - and the occasional threads where a poster complains/criticises/enquires about the swearing and is met with post after post of heavy duty swearing. Usually followed by a Grin.

DH and I don't really swear and my 17 and 14YO are absolutely not allowed to swear in front of us. (I've no idea about when they're with their friends.)

This is one of my few parenting successes!

RevelsRoulette · 15/10/2013 10:05

I am 40 at the end of this year and I still fear that if I swear out loud, my mother will swoop in ( like the CDC in Monsters' Inc ) and slap my legs Grin. I feel really naughty and a bit guilty when I use bad language on here! (which I very rarely do) It's like I'm being some sort of secret rebel or something Grin but I can probably count on the fingers of one hand the times either of the big 2 have ever passed my lips in real life.

My children have used swear words and I have told them in no uncertain terms that I will not have it. They get punished. If they were to let out a stream of profanities at me, they'd be 45 and still on sanctions! Grin

My youngest uses them compulsively atm (he has autism & adhd) and in his recent MEP meeting, the senco ever so casually and calmly wrote "I'm fucked" on the board.

I went pink. Grin

nooka · 15/10/2013 10:05

But whether or not you swear in front of your parents doesn't really have any bearing on how much you swear in general though does it? I mean it shows that your children are sensitive to your rules (which is good) but not whether they are generally sweary.

I'm sure my parents have no idea if I swear or not, I expect they imagine that I don't. But dh thinks my language is much too blue.

chocoluvva · 15/10/2013 10:36

My mum used to go mad at me for exclaiming, 'Oh, hell'. Grin

Once she was so annoyed at her forceful neighbour insisting she go to a daffodil tea that she herself, most unusually complained to me that she didn't want to "go to a fucking daffodil tea". Grin It was the juxtaposition of the daffodil tea and the swearing that amused me. (And the thought of her sitting at a table being her usual polite and charming herself cursing under her breath).

Also she had to abandon her work in the garden to sit at a table with a vase of daffodils on it....ironic.

Sorry - I couldn't resist this digression.

secretscwirrels · 15/10/2013 13:04

No and no.
I don't even swear on MN. It's the one thing I don't like on here. I can't help it, I know I must be in the minority.
DS1 never swears, he is a bit straight laced and judgey so you know where he gets that from.
DS2 does swear but never in front of me, his brother or other adults.

TheGhostsAndGhoulsOfHitchhikin · 15/10/2013 13:07

Yes and yes.

TheOriginalNutcracker · 15/10/2013 13:12

Mine swear and I accept it, but only in context, and not at someone. So, as you say, if they drop their toast, and swear, fine, but if they tell me or anyone else to f**k off then no.

They know the rules and stick to them quite well most of the time.

CointreauVersial · 15/10/2013 13:12

I am medium sweary - nothing too profane, but I don't hold back when I drop something, for example.

DH is Irish (say no more....Grin)

DS (14) is pretty bad, actually, and I am making a conscious effort to clean up my language and pull him up when he swears. We both could improve. Although I don't think it's the worst habit a teenager can have.

The DDs (12 and 10) conversely are little prudes, and cover their ears and gasp when they hear a swearword. Blush

TheOriginalNutcracker · 15/10/2013 13:13

Oh and when I was a teen, I lived with my dad, who did let us swear (same rules as i now have), but spent weekends with my mum, who didn't allow swearing. That was sometimes a challenge lol.

MrsDavidBowie · 15/10/2013 13:14

I am quite sweary in RL, especially at inanimate objects. And in the car.

Dh is quite impressed sometimes with my repertoire which I think has become extended from spending time on MN.

Dd 17 swears a bit, but fuck and cunt are taboo.