Have posted about our current crisis on Chat and Secondary Education. Things have moved on since yesterday.
My dd in year 10, who left primary with level fives in all her SATS, and a stack of reports describing her as 'a joy to teach' and 'a lovely person to have in class', is now facing permanent exclusion and a move to a pupil referral unit in January if she doesn't stop arguing with teachers and walking out of lessons. The school is being great - they are doing all they can to address her behaviour, and we are supporting them every inch of the way. She has 12 weeks to turn her behaviour around, according to the school, and they are monitoring her every step of the way.
The problem is that dd seems to live on a planet - planet teenager - where she is involved in her own odd little drama that none of us can understand, and there are no consequences for failing exams or leaving school with a terrible report from your teachers. I've got a horrible feeling she quite likes the idea of going to a pupil referral unit, where she'll be mixing with a peer group which will consist primarily of disruptive boys from very disadvantaged backgrounds, children in care, and children with special needs who can't cope in mainstream. She comes from an educated middle class family, has no learning difficulties and according to CAMHS, who we were referred to last year, no diagnosis of any mental or developmental disorder. She is just a very, very difficult teenager who is giving everyone the run about, despite loads of support from home.
The only things she has ever said she wants to do is work with children, in childcare, or get into social work. I was thinking this morning about how I'd feel about employing someone to look after my children straight from school (because at the rate she's going university will be out of the question) who had attended a pupil referral unit. Also, if I was a nursery manager how I'd feel about a job applicant with this on their record.
I'm wondering what the general view is - it'd help me know whether saying 'this move might make it impossible for you to have a good career in the fields in which you're interested in' would be a reasonable thing to present to her to persuade her to rethink her choices over the next few weeks.
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Teenagers
My dd may end up in a pupil referral unit - would you employ her when she leaves?
Minifingers · 25/09/2013 09:40
"I would say that to her as long as you are sure she's not being bullied or anything like that and is just being difficult."
Definitely not being bullied.
"It sounds as though she doesn't respect authority, what with arguing with the teachers. Is she like that at home and in other situations?"
She argues, argues, argues. She won't do anything she doesn't feel like doing. And she won't be thwarted if she wants to do something and an adult has said 'no'. She is very forceful and bullying in her manner, appears to have no fear of anyone, including the police, who have been called to the house 3 times in response to dd being violent or physically intimidating towards me. 
"Is it possible to visit one of these centers? Show her the potential reality she's presently aiming at?"
I think this might be a good idea.
Really worried that the peer group she would end up with at the unit would result in a higher likelihood of her getting involved in criminal activity. There's an incredibly high rate of petty offending among children who've been excluded from school. At present dd hasn't got involved in anything involving drugs, stealing or criminal damage but at this unit she'll be mixing with many children who have, and this worries me.
She comes from an educated middle class family, has no learning difficulties and according to CAMHS, who we were referred to last year, no diagnosis of any mental or developmental disorder
same as my son who ended up in a PRU....- you would be surprised - they are not all ..er..hang on..."f disruptive boys from very disadvantaged backgrounds, children in care, and children with special needs" which is actually quite insulting, thanks 
tbh at her age I would home ed or find some FE place for her rather than PRU
LaurieFairyCake your advice is good for all of us living with teens, thank you!
Actually OP being with people who really did have SN/chair throwing issues/etc was a good thing for my son - he was even a bit shocked as his main crimes had been leaving school grounds/smoking/getting the last word in. So encourage the school to send her there tbh. Home ed = bad idea you have to look after yourself too.
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"She may actually learn to count some of her blessings if she spends time with looked-after children or children who have SN. Just a thought."
Unlikely.
Her best friend comes from an immigrant family who lives primarily on benefits, 6 children, one with brain damage from a terrible childhood accident, single mother who suffers from bi-polar disorder - sectioned twice recently in front of the children. DD's friend does the housework and every day helps get the little children up and dressed for school. Has any of this caused dd to reflect on how lucky she is? Not a bit. None of her friend's conscientiousness has rubbed off on her at all. In fact I had the shame last term of having the mum phone me from hospital (she was being held there) and crying down the phone that my dd had encouraged her dd to truant with her for the first time.
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