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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Laptop in bedroom

36 replies

KatyPutTheCuttleOn · 16/09/2013 13:04

The rule has always been that the internet is not allowed in the bedrooms. DD is now 14 and is needing the internet for homework but says she can't concentrate if she is down in the lounge (younger siblings). I say she can't have the internet in her bedroom but she insists.
Do you put your foot down and say no or accept that it's reasonable now that she is 14?

OP posts:

theredhen · 16/09/2013 14:17

I gave in on this when ds was nearly 15.

The way I saw it was he and siblings had mobile phones with access to the Internet, so a computer makes no difference.

I have had talks about Internet safety which I sincerely hope he has taken on board.

We have a large household and there's no way they could all be downstairs on consoles and computers at the same time.

BetsyBidwell · 16/09/2013 14:18

haha they will all be looking at boobs and rooood stuff

tywysogesgymraeg · 16/09/2013 14:23

We didn't allow DDs to even have their own laptops until they were 16, and about to go into Sixth Form. They both did their homework on the family pc, which is in a separate room - quiet, but where we could stroll past every now and again to keep an eye on things.

DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 16/09/2013 14:53

Two rules: while the lappiy's in the bedroom it runs screensharing, and it MUST go on a hard surface.

Isthiscorrect · 16/09/2013 14:56

We are fortunate we have a family where all of us have our laptops/pc's. On that basis I have never allowed food or phones or computers in bedrooms. It seems strict but it works for us. Although I dont know what we would do if we had more than 1 child.

Isthiscorrect · 16/09/2013 14:56

oops family room*

NoComet · 16/09/2013 15:17

Both DDs have had lap tops in their bedrooms since they were 11, DD2 since she was 6.

To me it's a total non issue, You either trust your children or you don't.

I'm a very firm believer in giving children freedom as young as you can. Young DCs are far more likely to obey the rules than older DCs. By the time they are rebellious teens, the rules are already second nature.

They are used to me wandering in and looking over their shoulders and seeing what they are up to, they happily leave their lap tops on and lying about so I can read their history and their emails. I don't but I could.

I did used to read emails, mainly because DD1 forgot to check hers and DD2 had a DF with no security on her PC, who was the source of a whole lot of spam.

They don't have FB as DD1 didn't want it (and I'm not convinced its a force for good) and DD2 isn't 13.

This will change this winter as DD1's hobby are moving to FB from their Email list for planning events and DD2 will become a teen (yikes). However, because she's done a year at secondary I have a fair idea that her new mates are pretty sensible and am far happier than I would have been at primary.

Her primary friends were lovely, and many are still her friends, but some did tend to gossip without thinking who might read their kik messages and emails.

bymoonlight · 16/09/2013 15:22

Your free to raise your children how you like starballbunny but I find that attitude really irresponsible.

There is absolutely no way I would leave my 6yo alone in her room with the laptop. God knows what she might stumble across by accident.

ChuckitintheBucket · 16/09/2013 15:23

DD who is 14 has had her own laptop for a year and is allowed it in her room. We trust her and have frequent conversations about internet security and using common sense. Not been a problem so far. Anyway she would drive me mad with all the Skyping and Facetime!

livinginwonderland · 16/09/2013 15:32

I had internet in my room from 13, but it was dial-up so much easier to impose limits as my parents only had to pick up the phone to see if I was online when I shouldn't have been!

We got broadband when I was 16 and it was never a problem. I think at 14 they are entitled to some privacy and it is really hard to concentrate if you have younger siblings running around while you're trying work. If you don't trust her enough to let her have it in her room, at least give her a space in the house (dining room?) where she can work without her siblings around.

teenagetantrums · 16/09/2013 16:53

mime have had laptops and internet in their rooms since they started secondary, we live in a small flat, so they needs to do their homework in their rooms if they wanted peace. I used to check their history, I was administer on their laptops and if they wanted to access a site that was blocked they had to ask me. I also set time limits so it disconnected form internet at a certain time in the week. Now they are 16 and 19 nothing is limited the can stay on it all night if they want as long as they get up for college, they are quite good at self regulating.

louby44 · 16/09/2013 19:50

We have a family PC on the landing. My DP found porn in the history and it was hardcore. It was DS13 looking, which I knew would happen sooner or later. So even when it's in a family area with other people walking past they still look at stuff they shouldn't.

The solution is to filter it by putting on parental controls so that they can't access sites that have certain words.

usualsuspect · 16/09/2013 19:53

I think.It's ok to have a laptop in your room at 14.

In fact I don't know a 14 year old who hasn't got a tablet or laptop in their bedroom.

febel · 20/09/2013 08:24

6! With a her own laptop?! I am out of touch! Mine didn't have them until in their mid teens. Youngest (16) hasn't got one although has an I pad instead (she put towards it age 15) and it is the worst thing we ever bought as she now sits in her room all the time doing god knows what and looking at god knows what. I do switch wi fi off at around 9.30 though, and it and the phone have to be outside her room at night (we have learnt by experience which is why we have this rule) To show solidarity I also leave my phone outside my room. Lots of opposition over both rules by her in the past but I have stayed firm. however, wish we didn't have wi fi and she had to use it downstairs. We have had history let me say when she was younger......
I may sound like a dinosaur but I think it is a lot more challenging and harder to bring children up now with all the access to technology...

VegasIsBest · 20/09/2013 08:30

Why not trust your child? Dealing with the internet is part of growing up nowadays.

TantrumsAndBalloons · 20/09/2013 08:39

My dd and ds1 are 15 and 14 and have laptops in the room.

There is a filter that prevents hard core porn, but I strongly suspect if they really wanted to watch it, they would use their phones, or their friends phones or their friends laptop.

I bloody well hope at 14 and 15 they have some type of sense. Although I have been known to change the WiFi password when they do something ridiculous. Always a scene of great hilarity when they run about screeching "but the wifi IS NOT WORKING. WHAT DO I DOOOOO"

The Internet cuts off at 10pm anyway, otherwise they might be tempted to be on twitter or Skype half the night.

TantrumsAndBalloons · 20/09/2013 08:40

In their rooms, even.

Stricnine · 20/09/2013 09:00

I'm with StarBallBunny on this (only she knows her 6 year old) ... we (parents) teach them the dangers of road crossing, strangers etc etc from a very young age ... if we get the message right and teach them trust and respect (as well as self esteem) then as teenagers they should be able to risk assess their own activities ...

Equally I don't rely on Internet Filters to do my nannying for me - they are not robust or reliable - teaching children right and wrong and how to make their own decisions about such stuff is much more vital than unreliably blocking access... and there's always: the grass is always greener etc ... if something is 'forbidden' it becomes much more enticing to find !

DD (now 17) has had unrestricted access to internet for several years (to be honest can't remember when she first had a computer in her bedroom, she started downstairs with us from Primary age and migrated up around the end of Primary/start of Secondary) and shows, to my mind, remarkable understanding of the perils and advantages of social networking and the 'modern age'...

bymoonlight · 20/09/2013 09:25

I've just been reading in the paper about a young man (17) who recently threw himself off the forth bridge and died after being blackmailed online. He thought he was talking to an American girl until he received an email threatening to reveal his online chat to his parents unless he paid money into a back account. 24 hours later he committed suicide.

This blackmail is a new curse of the internet apparently.

I don't think leaving a 6yo unsupervised is an intelligent thing to do and comparing it to crossing a road is bizarre ( I wouldn't trust my 6yo to cross a busy road by herself anyway, even with everything I have taught her about road safety).

Monitoring of children online is getting more difficult, but that doesn't mean parents should pass the buck and say 'I have taught them everything I can' and then wash their hands of all responsibility.

FeetUpUntilChristmas · 20/09/2013 10:04

From secondary my DC had a PC in there room, now they both have a laptop, tablet and phone at 14 and 16. I am teaching them to be responsible and they know that they gave to give me access to the devices whenever I ask. Internet is on here 24/7 as often someone will still be working at 11pm.
The both use their devices for homework all the time and generally prefer the peace of their own rooms although not always. If it is just the 2 of them at home they are likely to be downstairs working, but when we have visitors or I am around then if they had important pieces to complete they would be upstairs.
IMO unless there is quiet space downstairs where your 14 year old can work she will struggle with completing her GCSE studies unless you let her have internet upstairs.

Floralnomad · 20/09/2013 10:15

bymoonlight , that poor boy had been doing more than talking ,that's why they could blackmail him . I'm with stricnine , my children know not to get naked in front of webcams and how to behave online ie once you've posted something you can't get it back and its there forever . Never been an issue in this house having Internet in any room .

NoComet · 20/09/2013 10:38

When she was small she played Cebbies games and then Sims and not a lot else. She had moshi monsters for a bit, but got bored.

The only thing we had trouble with and banned for a while was utube (there are parodies of ligitimate things, not suitable for DCs or just not funny).

She likes videos and stories and blogs with DCs her age in them and the same pop music and celebs as everyone else her age. I pretty sure that if anything outside her comfort zone popped up she'd just close it.

Also she knows her Ddad is a computer geek, she knows if he chooses to he can log everything that goes out the house internet (everything goes through his linex box, which also discorages a lot of viruses that need windows)

Her lab top is her pride and joy, she wouldn't risk it vanishing into DHs lockable filling cabinet.

TeenAndTween · 20/09/2013 10:56

DD1 (14) has had a laptop in her bedroom since starting secondary.
We also have downstairs laptops. She has younger sister and I thought it unreasonable to ask DD2 to be quiet downstairs so DD1 could do homework.

The upstairs one

has parental controls, but we had to loosen them as she couldn't get to sites she needed for work
has internet access switched off at 8pm
has blocks on social networking sites, facebook etc, also youtube
comes out of room in school holidays

She knows abuse of upstairs laptop would mean its removal.

Downstairs she can facebook, play games etc, but not upstairs.

bymoonlight · 20/09/2013 21:14

I expect a lot of parent explain that getting naked infront of a webcam is wrong. I don't expect every teenager listens.

But hey you know your kid best.

Until the day you realise you don't of course, but by then its too late.

I heard that the young girl who killed herself because of Ask.fm was a computer geek as well. It didn't stop his daughter doing the unthinkable.

bymoonlight · 20/09/2013 21:15

I meant her dad is a computer geek!

TeenAndTween - That is exactly the sort of set up I would want in my house when my dd's are older. What do you do about smartphones in the bedroom?

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