Mixed gender sleepovers, ok and a big NO?????

[MaryRose]

So here's the dilemma, DD12 (nearly 13) wants to go to the movies then sleepover at best friend's for birthday next week....so far so good...but then I find out that amongst others a couple of boys will be going to the movie and sleeping over too. Now don't get me wrong, I do trust DD 100%, she's a top student who's won academic awards this year,applies herself at school and swims and does other sports to a high level, apart from the usual teenage hassles I have no bother with her BUT it just doesn't feel quite right to allow this, what do others think? And if I say no how can I do it without all hell breaking loose???!! ;-)

And the sad fact of it is 12 and 13 year old girls DO get pregnant, so whilst I'm not saying Dr would do anything like that it obviously does go on!

Jimalfie yes certainly but the boy thing just adds to it. The bf's auntie is going to be there and she is more sensible so if it is all girls I probably would let her

I certainly wouldn't be allowing my 12 yr old to sleepover any place where the mother may stay out drinking all night but there must be another entirely different thread about that!

But MaryR, then it has nothing to do with boys, surely? It seems more to do with lack of supervision and the kids actually not being very safe...

I think you have answered your own question now. Think of an excuse for her o come on to sleep...and heaps you should meet the boyfriend very soon ?

Sorry...come home to sleep......

I posted a very similar problem back in May. May DD is 14 and it was her best friend's 15th birthday. Again mixed sleepover. We said "no" and stuck to our guns. DH picked up DD at 2.00am after she phoned and begged for another hour. Friend's mum was originally going to sleep through it but when I explained my DD was going home she changed her mind and stayed up all night with them.

For us it's a matter of reputation. We don't want our DD to be judged as a girl how will stay out all night with boys. There are still double standards for boys and girls.

BTW that sleepover did bite that mum on the bum. It opened the way for her girls boyfriend to think it was ok to spend all weekend with them, every weekend. The mum was relieved when they broke up so she could get her sofa and use of her telly back!

IMHO once you start something its difficult to stop. Will you have some magic date where it's ok to have mixed sleepovers but the next week its taboo? Very hard to give then take away, if you see would I mean.

sorry about some of the words being muddled. I'm staying up waiting for the washing machine to finish

Sorry but really don't see how allowing a mixed sleepover then opens the way for a boyfriend to think he can stay over every weekend? It's really not the same situation at all and whos in charge here?? And are you for real with the 'reputation' thing? Does that mean you'd think my 12 year old daughter is a slut because she's slept over at a boy mates house with a group of other boys and girls? What century are we living in here?

DD is 12 and her best friends mum won't allow mixed sleepovers at all. However she is quite happy to leave her daughter with a large group of friends of both genders in her house all day while she's out at work! Guess she thinks they only turn into sex crazed monsters at night time then.......

In that case, definately not. I wouldn't let her go to a sleepover there whether there were boys or not

No from me too. I blimmin HATE sleepovers anyway, but a mixed one adds a whole new dimension of headache to it. I must admit though, I've not heard anyone mentioning mixed ones here.Thank god.

"...the last time dd slept there the mum went out drinking and left the girls in the house alone and didn't come back until 11am. Does that change anyone's mind?"

Sorry, message above was in response to this...

My point is if you think it's ok at 12/13 but not at 14/15 that is a difficult concept for a teen. So just start as you mean to go on. Say no.

my 13 yr old dd recently went to one and it was fine, your dd sounds lovely but if you tell her she can't go she might start rebelling and stop being so nice and getting rewards. I understand if she was older maybe not to let her go but at this age it would be fine :)

I also have a very strict no alcohol rule if my older two are doing a sleepover, as alcohol changes everything. I work at my kids school anyway and know a lot of their friends so they know I won't stand for any nonsense!

Blimey, I spent most of the late 80s/early 90s going to mixed-sex sleepovers and there was NOTHING remotely sexual about them!

p.s. and my parents were very strict, but it never occurred to them that I shouldn't be able to go

But fort, if your logic is "It's not OK at 15, so you can't let them at 12 either, because you have to start as you mean to go on", then by the same logic, you can't let them at 10, 8 or 6 either...

All of mine have been on mixed gender sleepovers (2 DD's and a DS) and they are just about having a laugh with friends and not sexual at all.

DS(16) has plans to spend most of this summer camping in people's back gardens with his friends (girls and boys). They are a lovely bunch of kids and some of them are moving onto different sixth forms so its nice for them to spend time together.

I can't say my daughters' reputations were a consideration it was more about who was going and the possible dynamics. They are in their 20s now and haven't been hounded out of town as scarlet women yet

I do find it really odd that so many people think of their young teenagers like this, with uncontrollable sexual urges and no morals, when sex is probably not on their minds at all! Ithinnk it's the adults who have dirty minds personally!

Well said felicity.