Difficult Teen

[aeromum]

Am I alone in this problem? My DD likes to be 'a victim' if she's not she makes it up and tells people all sorts of lies. She had a therapist who told her there was nothing wrong with her just cronic imaturity and the 2nd therapist said the same. My main concern is her sexual habits, she is on the net posting photos of herself naked and engaging in chats on SKYPE that would make your hair stand on end, with men she doesn't know. Every so often she storms off and says we have thrown her out when we didn't and have no idea where she is.
Its come to a head as she has gone off again and on her PC is a chat with 2 men (one was a family friend) that would be considered grooming if she were under 16 but as she is just over......its not.
I'm actually concerned for her younger siblings as these conversations all cover abusing her (which she seems very keen on, maybe she's a bit kinky but thats her choice) but clearly these people she talks to are not people I would want anywhere near any of my kids, never mind the younger ones and sadly I don't trust her anymore.
I've tried explaining, I've tried reasoning and I've tried therapists and GP, but they all agree its just 'her' and 'imaturity'. I feel like its getting to a point where maybe she would be better off standing on her own two feet before she drags everyone else down with her. Its not a new problem, this sort of thing started when she hit 13. She is vile to speak to when she is here but the sad thing is I know there is a really lovely person under all the poison and vileness that we all have to put up with. I'm at my witsend, I Love her dearly but I can't like her. I've even asked people if I am a bad parent and they all tell me its not my fault etc but sure feels like I did something really wrong bringing her up.

Restrict Internet access.

Make it accessible only on a computer in full view. Do the same with the phone.

This should have been done a long time ago, not sure why you haven't ?

Her skyping naked is her distributing sexual images of a child, going through your Internet connection, YOUR router - you could get into trouble for this - as could she.

You have a legitimate reason to restrict access.

I did! She had her phone and her laptop taken away but now she is technically into 'higher education' she gets £30 a week and buys her own phone, credit, ipad I no longer have any control over that.

She's not a child, please read what I put, she is OVER 16. Not my Router either, she picks up the free ones for local businesses. Yes it is in breach of the Telcoms act BUT she's legally allowed to engage in whatever sexual behavour she chooses. I do have grave concerns about what she is doing but its beyond my control now.....However I do feel she is on very thin ice and if she keeps it up I am convinced she will end up in serious trouble but as I did the usual responsible parent things of blocking her access to things like the internet when this first cropped up 3 years ago and now got help etc now she is over 16 I have no control, no say and no rights.
Don't really appreciate the assumption I am too stupid to stop her access to the internet via anything to do with me or I would allow child pornography on my router. I have done EVERYTHING I can to stop her for the past 3 years. Now she is 16.....

I don't think you're stupid >> this is a face not a 'your a fucking idiot' face.

You said it had been going on since she was 13, so I wondered why you didn't restrict it previously.

Get a blocker to jam signals in your house maybe?

I really wonder if she is solely using local routers, the vast majority have passwords - so check she's not using yours.

More importantly you still get to decide what she does in YOUR house - of course you can stop her. You don't have to live with someone who does something you are worried might be illegal - maybe get advice from local police station with this?

Are you afraid she will run off again?

This isn't your fault, she sounds very trying. In general try to focus on the good and limit access to the bad - does she have hobbies, activities you can encourage so she's too busy to do inappropriate stuff?

She's disappeared again this weekend. We live in a very strange place and with not many people and the local business's don't password their internet as some people cannot get access via BT so they use Router from those who can. Obviously given the little mare's history ours is password protected.

She doesn't do anything apart from text and internet, she used to dance, gymnastics, all the usual girlie stuff but they all went out the window. She's not engaging with anyone in the family at all, she won't even venture to the shops with us.

I think 16 is a difficult age from a parenting point of view. If she gets in trouble with the police, as a parent I would have to go and deal with it, but parents have very few rights or ability to control anything once they hit 16....yet we're still responsible!

I'm thinking it would be better if she moved out, that way I can be sure that she is not leading trouble towards the younger ones, but I don't like giving up on her.

Where would she move to?

I will chat with Police and see what they say. I've only just got hold of her ipad, usually it needs surgical removal, but she's left it behind. If nothing else is achieved it might draw their attention to the men involved just incase the have stepped over the line from 'just about legal' to not.

Might protect someone else's daughter even if I can't help mine.

She stops with friends, all her friends are older and a lot have flats etc when she disappears. I never know where and she re-appears as if it never happens, 3 months last time, screwed up all her GCSE's and she had been straight A's up to that point.

She won't have anything to do with kids her own age, they are always around the 19 to 22 age group. There is a hostel available to kids at her school, she can stay there most of the time and come home occassionally for holidays, might be the way. Only problem is, they have less ability to parent than I do, so she'd get more freedom and internet in her bedroom!

ITs almost like she is on some kind of self distruct mode, she refused to eat for a while but GP told her she was annorexic and if she didn't fix it, he would have to step in and that sorted its self out. She appeared at my friends house today saying I had thrown her out but she forgot that when she threw her tantrum and stormed off yesterday, someone was here who heard her! She's a complusive liar, although I do wonder if she actually believes it sometimes.

aero, this sounds worrying, and I think you are right to be concerned. However, you may not be as powerless as you think. Your daughter is NOT an adult in the eyes of the law. You can take steps to protect her.

A lot of Children's Safeguarding Boards and police forces are reviewing their policies and practices after the recent Rochdale case, where girls over 16 were being sexually exploited, and the court was heavily critical of agencies for not taking action. I think you might find you are taken more seriously than you expect if you report your concerns.

It sounds like you are worried enough that you should phone the police and/or social services. If you Google your council's name + child safeguarding + phone, you should find a phone number you can call.

Also, importantly, although 16 is the legal age for having sex, it is illegal to take or share pictures of a child under 18. The images she is posting of herself are illegal child pornography. She can be prosecuted and be put on the sex offenders register for posting them, as can anyone else who shares them ( http://www.inbrief.co.uk/offences/child-porn-and-the-law.htm info here ).

However, she is very unlikely to be prosecuted. It is much more likely she will be treated as vulnerable, and as potentially or actually being groomed and/or sexually exploited.

That does sound like a real possibility. I think you should ask for help.

Sorry, link again