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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Missing Teenage Son being a baby

29 replies

Princessjonsie · 11/06/2013 21:27

I'm wondering if anyone else is going through the same as me. My son is 19yrs old and is at Uni. He is a happy, well adjusted, popular adult and I am extremely proud of him. I am happy he is out in the world and enjoying his life. We talk regularly and I see him when we can. My problem is he mixed race and I see little boys that look just like him when he was little and I could burst into tears as I miss him being that age. I raised him alone so had the joy of being his only parent so we were very close. I was recently on holiday and saw a little boy and his mum playing on the beach and swimming in the sea. I was so jealous as I miss doing those things so much. I try my hardest to start a conversation just so I can join in and get a little closer. I know I come over as a head case but not. I would love to go back in time and do it all over again . It's not empty nest as I'm happy he is out in the world and I love my life and the freedom I have but it's when I see a child who looks like him I go to pieces inside. I dream he is little again and I love it but then I wake up and realise its not true .Has anyone been through this and what did they do to get over it?

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DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 12/06/2013 01:20

We all go through it OP. Dads with daughters because that's my experience. That little shining face, the tiny body in your arms bonelessly asleep, the hand swallowed in yours.

There's something in my eye...

nickstmoritz · 12/06/2013 10:30

This very morning I dropped my 12 year old DS to school and thought I am going to make the most of the next couple of years and enjoy the last bit of his childhood. He was reading a Lego book on the way there Smile

FernieB · 12/06/2013 10:33

My DD's are a bit younger, so I'm sure I'll go through it when they eventually trundle off into the world. Having said that, I did a voluntary stint at a local toddler group to fill in for a few weeks when someone was away. At the end of it, I was so glad mine were not that age any more - there's nothing like the noise and havoc created by 30 babies and toddlers playing/crying/screaming/whining for a morning to put you completely off being around them.

Make the most of having your life back to yourself and congratulate yourself on a mothering job well done. Enjoy this stage of having some freedom. You'll probably get to do it all again with grandchildren at some point.

ChewingOnLifesGristle · 12/06/2013 10:37

Sad I really feel for you. Mine are 11 and 14. That feeling of precious time slipping through your fingers is very acute at times.

I feel I'm always (in my head) around 5 or 6 years behind the age they actually areConfused and struggle to keep up with them. It startles me to realise they're not actually 5 and 8 anymore.

neontetra · 12/06/2013 10:42

You don't say how old you are - would another child be an option for you? One of my friends had her dd when her ds was seventeen - she just felt the time was right for a second child.

isitsnowingyet · 12/06/2013 10:42

Have you thought about fostering? It sounds like you really enjoyed being a parent and were successful in raising your son, perhaps you could help others?

Original poster
Princessjonsie · 12/06/2013 14:01

Thank for for your advice. I'm 45 and another baby is not an option. My husband, who isn't my sons dad, and I would have loved a ch

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Original poster
Princessjonsie · 12/06/2013 14:08

Ild but met too late. We did look into fostering but the two problems we encountered were that I didn't feel I could cope if I had to give them up, especially if I knew they were going into a bad situation. Also my husbands job means we move a lot. We have had 5 moves in 2 years so it was ruled out. I tried talking my husband into adoption but he has strong views that's he wouldn't love it like his own biological child. I know he would but I wouldn't push him into something he didn't feel comfortable with. Grandchild is a thing I'm looking forward to but I am trying not to be to pushy as I want it to be at the right time for my son and when he is ready. On have told him I will be a very active and present grandma so for him and any would be wife to be prepared lol. In the mean time I will have to try and keep my desire to strike up conversation with mums and talk to children as I know some mums d

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Original poster
Princessjonsie · 12/06/2013 14:11

Ont like it. Stranger danger. We are moving again so you never know I may get lucky nd the neighbours may be harassed parents who would welcome a surrogate aunts who will give them a few hours break and babysit for them lol. I know I come over as a child snatcher weirdo but I'm not. I just miss being a mum so much

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ChewingOnLifesGristle · 12/06/2013 16:44

Aw Princess you sound a lovely person with a lot to giveSmile. Have you thought about volunteering at local schools? Maybe to listen to children reading or helping out.

secretscwirrels · 12/06/2013 17:33

I'm sure it's a natural feeling. I am all too aware of the time with my DCs slipping away, the elder one is 17 and I fully expect him to go to uni at 18 and that will be it.
It sometimes gets me when I go to a supermarket and see a mum with a toddler in the trolley. DS2 was my lovely little companion when DS1 went to school.

Original poster
Princessjonsie · 12/06/2013 18:04

I work full time at the moment but in two years my husband has said we will be in a position for me to give up work and am thinking of training to be a teaching assistant. I would love it. Can't wait for grandchildren to spoil. My godchildren are visiting for the weekend soon so I get my fix and get to spoil the rotten so there parents can have a rest. Makes me sad when they go but I cry everytime they leave. It's one of those problems I suppose that time will heal. In the mean time I will have to wait it out and pretend I have been watching a lot of sad movies lol

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soda1234 · 12/06/2013 19:38

As an alternative to /or in addition to being a TA would you consider training to be a Homestart volunteer?

HS work with families with children under 5, offering a range of support. I have been a volunteer for several years and have worked with some really lovely families, several of whom are still good friends. It is so rewarding and such good fun.

Original poster
Princessjonsie · 12/06/2013 21:12

That's a good idea. Thank u. I didn't know I could volunteer . Do they have this scheme in Scotland?

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Minifingers · 12/06/2013 22:24

I'm 47 and have an 8 year old. Every night when I put him to bed I give him hugs and kisses and and smell his hair. He still has a lovely young child smell. I consciously treasure every second of this closeness and his utter loveliness. I hope he never goes far from me. I feel like he's the oxygen in my world.

DD (nearly 14) however, is doing a great job of making me less fearful of the empty nest syndrome at least as far as it concerns her, by being so consistently horrible I'm already longing for her to bugger off and leave me in peace. I do look at pictures of her as a little girl still and grieve for what she was and the closeness we shared, which feels long gone.

soda1234 · 12/06/2013 23:21

Princess, yes I just googled and there is a Homestart Scotland, have a look , see what you think, and if you have any questions I'd be happy to help.

Original poster
Princessjonsie · 13/06/2013 21:08

Thanks u soda1234 I will look into it tomorrow x

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allinatizz · 13/06/2013 21:18

Aww minifingers have you read "Raising Girls" by Steve Biddulph? It has a lot about getting through to your teeage girls in there.

My DD1 starts school in September and I am already feeling wobbly. OP, Homestart was what sprung to my mind when reading your posts, too. Good luck with it, it could be perfect for you. Smile

nickstmoritz · 14/06/2013 13:21

mini fingers..I hear you! I have 2 DDs 16 and 14 and the words "bugger off" have definitely come into my head many a time lately!! I think I need to read that book allinatizz.

BackforGood · 14/06/2013 15:52

Or another option would be to look into offering respite care. There's a HUGE need, and you can offer as much or as little time as you are able. Smile

madeofkent · 21/06/2013 14:54

My son is 18 and took his last exam today. I picked him up and both of us will miss the school, the social aspect of it and I so wish I could do it all again. I'm much older than princessjonsie, my grandchildren live far away and I shall so miss seeing the sheer wall of enthusiastic youth sweeping out of school. I have had 26 years of school life as a mum now, it feels as if I have been made well and truly redundant, a real empty-nest feeling on top of it although he hasn't gone yet. The friends don't run in to bounce on the trampoline now, they arrive in cars to take him paintballing or to a club. Tomorrow there will be a huge pile of school uniform waiting to be disposed of. It really is the end of an era.

He still plays with lego though!

He is such good company, that is the problem, they say that God invented teens so that you wouldn't miss them when they leave home, but I still miss my daughter, she is lovely. Maybe I should have had awful kids, then I wouldn't be missing him before he has even gone. I miss him being a baby too. I could keep him safe, with me. Maybe a glass of wine is the answer, just for today. I don't want him to see how miserable I feel.

MrsDesperado · 21/06/2013 22:21

You don't happen to be moving to Glasgow do you?! We are those harassed parents you mention and would love a surrogate aunt!

barbarianoftheuniverse · 21/06/2013 22:32

Minifingers, she will come back. Mine did at 16 after 2 bad years. Now she is just a taller merrier version of the one I thought I had lost for ever.

madeofkent · 22/06/2013 22:22

Lovely as my son is, I know exactly how princess feels, I so wish I could keep him at just over two years old, he was gorgeous and so uncomplicated. Portable and always happy and early to bed. Grin And very cuddly and kissy. I think once the start school, even nursery school, that is when they start to slip away from you, but so gradually that you don't realise it.

Original poster
Princessjonsie · 25/06/2013 05:25

Mrs desperado: live not far over the bridge in Fife. We should meet up l

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