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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Warning: TMI

48 replies

witchofmiddx · 03/06/2013 13:33

Please be gentle with me as i am feeling rather sick & queasy. Ds only just 13. Just put my head round door and found him 'doing the deed' whilst looking at his mobile phone. i wish i hadn't. I don't think he saw me. Is this not a little young or am i just being naive? He has not shown any interest in girls at all. His phone has a password, after i recover from my shock i am going to think of what i can do to block unsavoury sites. Is 13 not too young though??!!

OP posts:

EuroShaggleton · 03/06/2013 13:38

Definitely not too young.

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 03/06/2013 13:42

13, perfectly normal. Expect to see less of him, and always check his socks before unravelling and washing. In fact, he does his own laundry from here on in...

TotallyBursar · 03/06/2013 13:50

13 certainly not too young.
Yy to laundry responsibilities...

Too young for some of the sites he will be able to access if you haven't set up parental controls but not too young to be full of hormones.

Bet you'll knock now though

Original poster

witchofmiddx · 03/06/2013 14:21

Ok ladies that's enough teasing! I just hope he doesn't think i saw. Unfortunately he has iphone, ipad and laptop. How the hell do you put restrictions on all. And if i ask him for his passwords now, he'll know for sure i saw..

OP posts:

valiumredhead · 03/06/2013 14:39

Does he have unlimited access to internet now?

He could have been multi tasking

At 13 you should have all his passwords to computers and phone.

Otherwise, completely normal

valiumredhead · 03/06/2013 14:40

Tissues by the side of the bed is a good idea

valiumredhead · 03/06/2013 14:45

Sorry, my phone is a bit over zealous with the smileys!

shushmonster · 03/06/2013 14:56

Don't worry most mums are slightly traumatised when this happens. This was when I began knocking before entering bedrooms. Oh and definately tissues unless you want to be told whilst tidying up. Er mum I wouldn't pick that sock up if I was you.

Original poster

witchofmiddx · 03/06/2013 18:09

Valiumreadhead yes he has unlimited access. His 15yo sister told me years ago that she accidentally came accross a nasty site, we communicated openly and i know her so well that i know she is only interested in her social life, is happy & well adjusted. I was trying to think of a way of explaining to ds the 'unfairness' of needing his passwords and not hers.. and thought i had a good year or so to worry.. More fool me. Thanks Shushmonster yes traumatised sums it up.

OP posts:

fortifiedwithtea · 03/06/2013 18:58

Honest question. Why would asking for passwords help? Teens can easily just change them.

monkeyfacegrace · 03/06/2013 19:01

Meh.
He is 13.
He can, theoretically (and I did), move out in 3 years.
Leave him be.
And beware the crunchy washing

edlyu · 03/06/2013 19:02

Oh definitely not too young bless him.

A friend of mine saw her DS similarly occupied and just calmly went and got some toilet roll which she left on the lads bed(he had left the room at this point).

Andrex it was too

Mabelface · 03/06/2013 19:04

Because if a teen changes a password, then all internet access can be removed. Unlimited access isn't brilliant at all, as there are some nasty things out there on that there t'internet that can be very damaging. My little lot know that I will swoop and spot check at any time to see what they're up to. I don't do it very often, but it does get checked. You need administrative rights on all computers etc and a net nanny installed.

wakeupandsmellthecoffee · 03/06/2013 19:08

Never buy dark sheets for teenage boys .Lol

Original poster

witchofmiddx · 04/06/2013 11:01

Madlizzy is Net Nanny easy to instal on mobiles & ipads? It won't go down well but this is just too important not to deal with. And he has black sheets.. I am still traumatised (sad, i know) as it's one thing seeing the evidence but catching them in action.. he still plays with his bloody lego!!

OP posts:

LongTimeLurking · 04/06/2013 11:12

13 too young? Er not by a long way. Tell him to keep the bedroom door closed (if it wasn't) and from now on knock (and give suitable time for erm, covering up) before entering.

Restricting internet content is good idea but you may be be closing the stable door after the horse has already bolted. I think a discussion with him on this subject in order really - ie what is normal and acceptable and what isn't......... while a bit of page 3 type 'porn' is unlikely to do any damage the internet is full of sick, perverted, hardcore content that is only a click away. Very easy for a curious teenager to stumble across.

Original poster

witchofmiddx · 04/06/2013 17:33

I am not sure if there is any 'page 3' type soft porn online anymore- and even if there was, are they really mature/disiplined enough at that age to know where to draw the line? The problem is once they have seen vile, shocking degrading images, they can't unsee them. I will try & have a discussion with him (however painful for him) but at the end of the day children are curious and temptation will usually win even if they know it's bad for them. Net Nanny here i come even though it's obviously a bit late in the day..

OP posts:

JuliaScurr · 04/06/2013 18:05

teenagers all want to know about sex. maybe point him towards better sites?

www.channel4.com/programmes/the-sex-education-show/4od
I htink this might be OK

Jimalfie · 05/06/2013 10:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sanityseeker75 · 05/06/2013 10:12

Thankfully I haven't caught my 13 (14 in couple of months) in the act BUT he asked me to fix something on his phone and when I went onto internet he had been looking at pornhub. I was stunned as I just didn't think he thought of sex really very naive mum.

Best part was I asked him if he was looking at porn on his phone and showed him the screen and he just looked at me as if I was dumb and stated quite matter of factly "well yeah, obviously"

I left it and then later on sat him down and told him if he was old enough to be looking at porn he was old enough to talk to me about it. I explained that whilst porn is used by lads and women it is purely fantasy and not a true representation of sex and if he thought that it was he was going to be very disappointed. I took him through that there is nothing wrong or dirty about it but he needed to realise that sex comes with responsibility and that he is absolutely NEVER to let his DSB see it (they share room at weekend) or I would be taking phone off him.

Now I knock before entering and stomp very loudly on approach to his room

valiumredhead · 05/06/2013 10:17

Best part was I asked him if he was looking at porn on his phone and showed him the screen and he just looked at me as if I was dumb and stated quite matter of factly "well yeah, obviously"

And that is exactly why my ds will never have internet access on his phone unless he pays for it himself and even then it will be over my dead body.

Jimalfie · 05/06/2013 10:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

valiumredhead · 05/06/2013 10:31

I don't pretend porn isn't there but at 13 I want to make it as hard as possible for him to access it.

valiumredhead · 05/06/2013 10:36

To me that is like leaving porn mags in easy reach of a 13 year old and saying 'Oh well, they need to know the difference between relationships and porn.'

Jimalfie · 05/06/2013 10:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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