Should I allow my 14yo dd to wear makeup?

[Rachel422]

Hello everyone,
My 14yo dd has been nagging at me for the past few weeks about wearing makeup. I initially said no and that she was too young but then she put up an argument about how she wouldn't wear anything heavy, maybe just concealer, mascara and blush. It is the fact that she said "maybe" which means that if I say yes, she'll have free reign and the whole "natural" look will suddenly disappear and she'll end up looking like an orange panda with bright red lips (this is what many of the girls at her school look like ). I left it as a "no" but know I'm starting to contemplate it. Maybe I should let her grow up and experiment a bit.
What would you do? Is she too young? Has anyone been in this situation before? How do I handle it?

Many thanks in advance

I let go a little bit at this age: let her use her judgment on the whole, but nudged gently if she looked OTT. Also casually pointed out to her that I would have to support any punishment dished out by the school if she was caught breaking school rules.

Oh yes definitely I'd say. And to be honest I wouldn't try and set terms on it. If she wants to look like a panda for a few months it's not actually a disaster is it? And think about all the pricelessly awful photographs you'll be able to stockpile for the entertaining presentation at her wedding . . .

I think the ideal experience at this age is a much older sister/cousin/young aunt who can show her what to buy and how to put it on well. One of my much older sisters did this for me and it was great. She also taught me to cleanse/tone/moisturise which has been a boon for the rest of my life. But I wouldn't try to teach her this stuff yourself, I think it needs to come from someone who's not you.

yes my 14year old is surprisingly conservative with the makeup, just some foundation, mascara and blusher, and I got her an eyeliner to play with, bloody expensive though innit?

There are millions of instructional videos on the internet these days so they can be shown how to do things, rather than trying and failing to copy Strawberry Switchblade.

The lucky sods also have tons of cheap make up to choose from - MUA at Superdrug for example. I don't think it's any dearer than Rimmel, No17 and Barry M was back in the 80s and in real terms it's probably half the price.

They don't know they're born

My daughters have seen me put makeup on every day of their lives (foundation, concealer, blusher, mascara) and I have tried to impress on them that I now regret my need to wear it every day: otherwise, people tell me that I look tired. Explain to her about makeup not becoming a 'mask', or for her need to 'feel attractive'.

Yes!
But have some fun with her and without making it obvious or annoy her by insulting how she does her make up, 'teach' her how to do good make up without going OTT.

DD1 got a present of a book by Bobbi Brown called Teenage Beauty when she was about 12. I thought it was great, and basically showed her how to wear makeup rather than have the make up wear her / have people see them rather than the makeup, iyswim. Probably the same book Liverpoolwelsh mentions. DD1 has really, really pale skin and after a few expensive mistakes settled on what suited her best - she took the book to heart but that is the kind of girl DD1 is.

I have let the DDs proceed at their own speed when it comes to matters like shaving, eyebrow plucking, wearing makeup, nail polish, etc. The only areas where I have butted my nose in is to insist they wash all the warpaint off nightly, and I have also told them how to avoid slicing themselves while shaving.

I think it's important to avoid having something like appearance come between parent and daughter because that magnifies the significance of appearance, which is probably not what most parents want. I also think it's important for a parent to acknowledge that their DD is in fact not a child any more and to encourage her to inch her way towards presenting herself as an adult. Girls need your blessing or else you are not really acknowledging the entirety of who they are or who they are becoming, and many feel the lack of this keenly.

A little makeup or even a lot of horribly badly applied makeup can give a girl a lot of confidence heading off to school. A girl who is not allowed to wear any can really stand out and it can put a dent in her confidence. But more important than the makeup itself is the fact that your mother is supporting you as you head out into the world during these years of change and growth; it's important to show your DD that you can empathise and understand her needs and that you do not fear the process of change. Try to embrace it all. It is going to happen with or without you wanting it.

Nothing should worry a parent more than the prospect of sending a girl out into the world in her late teens without the sophistication and confidence she will need in order to make a go of life either at university or living independently while working. You really have to accept and embrace and encourage your DDs' growth and constant change (and maybe do a lot of biting of the tongue) if you are to end up with a confident young woman.

YYY I agree with Seeker -- having a DD who feels like a little kid and out of things means having a DD who is possibly miserable, and why would you want that when a simple little change can make a big difference.

Totally fine to allow it. Seems she is still.amenable.to.boundaries so Id just say not heavy make up for school.

mathanxiety - that is a great post. I agree with your comments. A lovely idea to buy her the book and reinforcing the importance of removing all makeup every night before bed will support her to form good habits from the outset and look after her skin. The encouraging her step towards adulthood and taking her requests seriously and handling sensitively theme of your post really resonated with me.

I wore make up at 14 and it didn't harm me. I never liked the orange look and only wore natural colours and some eye liner.

Yes, but she buys it herself.

IMO a "beauty lesson" with Bobbi Brown will simply teach her that how she looks is not good enough.

"Natural" makeup that makes you look like " a better version of yourself" is the boring kind of makeup.

Let her experiment with the interesting kind of makeup, whether that's neons or glitter or bright lipstick or flicky eyeshadow or even the dreaded orange face.

I would allow it so long as it's not for school.

Might I suggest the natural selection at boots to be a good place to start

Ive got a 13 year old dd (in s1 at high school).

She wears little bits of concealer, light eyeliner and a bit of mascara.

I'm ok with this - I'm sure if I objected it would be much worse!!

I wouldn't waste Mac or Bobbi Brown on a teenager. Agree with GOML that one's teens are the time for sloshing it on. Middle-age is for attempting forlornly to evoke a dewy natural look

Oh no I have turned into my mother!!

GetOrf, DD's favourite is Barry M Mainly for the nail varnishes, I think.

I am just amazed that any 14yo would ask if they are allowed to wear make-up - surely they would just get some and try it[?confused] They only seem to wear nail varnish and mascara at this age anyway, Thank God!

My dd does. Her and her sister have had a little bit of makeup since they first showed an interest in it (about 11).

Dd1 is 14 and applies it really nicely. Now is the age to learn what suits you and to experiment a little. Also to learn about taking it off and skin-care.

I don't remember anyone actually asking me or me being expected to be asked [confusd] I suppose I assumed they'd be like me and naturally just want it. My own mum was always encouraging and helpful about makeup. I don't see it as an issue.

I was allowed to wear make up from a very young age, but my mum insisted that I looked after my skin properly. She didn't care what I wore (1970's blue eyeshadow) as long as I cleansed, toned and moisturised. I have done this religiously all my life and now have very good skin. I am extremely grateful for that advice.
Let her wear make up. It's harmless and quite frankly you will have far greater battles to fight in the not too distant future.

I think you should let her but tell her if she takes it to far then she won't be wearing any then it will give her a chance to experiment but be responsible too

For the love of God, let her wear makeup if she wants to.

My mum was a real pain about anything 'unnatural', with good intention I know, but I really resented her for stopping me doing something so normal. I wanted to cover up spots and fit in with my peers. I felt miserable and different, not naturally beautiful

YES YOU WEIRDO

oh? the OP has gone?!