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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Teenage girls and weight

30 replies

Dooohhh · 26/05/2013 22:10

my dd was diagnosed with anorexia on Friday, she is only 12 but it was shocking hearing her talk to the dr. about what she thought about her weight and why she was dieting ect.
But what also really shocked me was how common the dr. said this thing was, one of the figures he gave me was that 67% of teenage girls in London go through an eating disorder, low self esteem or depression between 12 and 19. This really shocked me and I just think that it is so wrong that so many girls are unhappy about their bodies but feel so strongly about changing the way they look.
Sorry, just wanted to get my point across, but don't you feel the same?? X

OP posts:

ZZZenagain · 26/05/2013 22:12

sorry to hear about your dd. My dd is 12 too. It is a horrible thing to have. A friend of mine at school was diagnosed with anorexia. I am surprised if it is really as common as he said but I suppose he would know.

Has this been coming on for a long time?

Original poster

Dooohhh · 26/05/2013 22:29

I've only really been noticing it for a few weeks, maybe up to 2 months. I posted a thread on the same page called "dd isn't eating". Only really notched when we went out for a family meal and my brother mentioned how little she ate.
I think a large part of the problem is the schools; dd goes to a competitive north London girls school, and especially at the moment with exams, the pressure is really on!
Hope your dd is well and happy!

OP posts:

ZZZenagain · 27/05/2013 10:17

oh you know, there is always something to worry about but thankfully nothing which is too bad atm.

So you think you've caught the anorexia pretty much at the onset? My friend from school was always a bit obsessed with eating. I only knew her after she had been diagnosed and was back on track eating but she thought about food a great deal. She was a good weight then, not overweight but not skinny, not even slim IIRC.

12 seems so young to have to worry about this.s Is your dd ok about changing her eating habits?

alpinemeadow · 27/05/2013 11:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Dooohhh · 27/05/2013 12:17

Thank you for all your support.
It is a terrifying thought that if I didnt spot it so soon it could o gotten so much worse. Dd is very upset as he says it is (or was) the only control she had over her life. It is heartbreaking having to watch over her as she eat, even if it is for the best. Dr. referred us to a clinic but ATM I am also having to shove vitamin shakes down her. Also got to way out all of her special foods the docs gave us to make sure she is getting enough cals and fat ect

OP posts:

specialsubject · 27/05/2013 13:01

67% of girls have mental health problems? That is utterly terrifying. Something badly wrong with how we see ourselves. I hope that those who peddle diets and the disgusting skeletal model image read this statistic.

well done on spotting it early - the damage that can be done by starving as a child can be horrific. Wishing you all better times.

Original poster

Dooohhh · 27/05/2013 13:42

Thank you.
I know, that figure is utterly horrific!

OP posts:

bigTillyMint · 27/05/2013 21:52

Well done to you for getting her help so quickly - is this a specialist Dr or the GP? What a worrying time for you. And her.

Scary so many teen girls struggle so much - media pressures/information seem so much more than when I was a teen.

Original poster

Dooohhh · 27/05/2013 22:36

Thank you for your concern.
It is just a GP, but luckily one of the rare ones who has any experience in this subject!
I am just so grateful that I spotted it when I did, because, although the GP says it has probably been going on for months without me realising, I could not have been so lucky.

Today ha been a v hard day though; been to see my brother and ate there (well, some of us!) but dd refused to eat infront of them and got v worked up and anxious. In the end she took it in the car on the way back and ate it on the drive on the condition that she had an extra vita-shake at home.
I just feel like weeping, and I know it's unfair to say, but it's completely draining me!
Anyway, sorry for the rant!
X

OP posts:

mindfulmum · 28/05/2013 08:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bigTillyMint · 28/05/2013 09:23

It's so hard when they start growing up and want do do what they want, especially when it's such a tricky issue as this.

I agree, keeping patient is probably key. Not sure I'd manage it that well

Original poster

Dooohhh · 28/05/2013 09:31

Thank you. I know, it's so hard taking that control and passion away from her and I'm not the only one weeping. Just trying to stay supportive though.
Had a bit of a slip up though, after lunch with brother yesterday she has refused to eat supper or breakfast.
I just don't know what to do because, really, there isn't much I can do to make her eat.

OP posts:

bigTillyMint · 28/05/2013 10:20

A friend of mine told me about Young Minds - google it - there may be something useful on the website?

Original poster

Dooohhh · 28/05/2013 10:23

Thank you - looked it up and was v helpful
X

OP posts:

BoraBora · 28/05/2013 10:24

OP, I'm sorry to hear of your family's difficulties, but as psychologist working with young people I can tell you that figure is completely inaccurate. The true figure is close to 10%.

What treatment has your GP recommended?

Original poster

Dooohhh · 28/05/2013 10:27

Phew! GP just talking crap then!
He has said to give dd lots of supplements and vita-shakes, then if she has not changed in 2 weeks, bring her back and he will sort out a referral

OP posts:

bigTillyMint · 28/05/2013 10:34

Great (re the Young Minds!)

It sounds like the GP is taking it seriously if he has said to bring her back in 2 weeks. Has she said anything about why she is doing it? Something going on at school?

Original poster

Dooohhh · 28/05/2013 10:39

She just says she thinks she's disgusting and ugly and that doing this is taking some control over her life

OP posts:

bigTillyMint · 28/05/2013 10:45

I bet she isn't at all.

What is the school's pastoral support like?
I wonder what has suddenly started her to think like this? Whether there is any "bullying" or girls who are being bitchy about others and she is panicking that they might turn on her?

Original poster

Dooohhh · 28/05/2013 10:57

I don't really think there has been any bullying as the school is extremely strict about that and they are all lovely girls. Dd has always compared herself to others, she puts masses too much pressure on herself about exams and feels she has to be the best and won't stop until she gets there; I think this is one of those things for her

OP posts:

kingbeat23 · 28/05/2013 11:16

I've suffered with eating/control/alcohol/substance misuse and issues for nearly 25 years now.

I told my mum at 14 that I was bulimic/anorexic and she watched me like a hawk at mealtimes and after.

I smoked from the age of 12 and to excess at 14. I left home at 17 and have had various alcohol/drug misuse during this period.

I have had grief counselling with cbt, for another issue, but when it came to it I've never had any counselling for the control issues.

I've recently given up smoking......again.....and know that the reason I start again is because of the weight issue. I use alcohol and cigarettes to control my weight whereas before it would be through food control.

I guess I'm telling you all of this so it might give you an insight into what might happening to your dd. it's taken me years to look in the mirror and not mind what i see. And also to realise now that even when I thought I'd got the food control in terms of anorexia etc under control, I hadn't really.

Lots of support and cuddles. Understanding and watching. Sending you loads of love and support through what must be a very difficult time for you.

Original poster

Dooohhh · 28/05/2013 11:20

Thank you so much, it must of been really hard for you, but what you have said really helped and reminds me to keep going and it could be worse.
Thank you for all you support. X

OP posts:

cory · 28/05/2013 12:04

Very sorry to hear you are going through this, OP.

The girls I knew who developed eating disorders in my younger days were all of a similar type: perfectionists, high achievers, girls who did everything.

Not necessarily the ones who were heavily into looks or were being bullied. Nor the ones with a difficult home life.

It seemed to be mostly about anxiety and fear of losing control, not about ideas implanted by others iyswim.

From what dd tells me it isn't that different these days either.

The good news is that most of them got through it, sometimes it was a long haul, but it was treatable.

Original poster

Dooohhh · 28/05/2013 12:57

Thanks for your encouragement, those girls sound exactly like my dd.
Trying to get her to have some lunch ATM, she had a shake but hasn't eaten for 24hrs. God this is draining!
X

OP posts:

kingbeat23 · 28/05/2013 15:48

I've been sitting here watching spring watch (yes, I know!) and it made me think of you.

Whenever times are hard for me, sometimes it's nice to see there is beauty in the world. Spring watch, blue planet, those types of programmes to watch together, things to do together so she feels supported and comforted without it always being about food.

I understand it must be very scary for you at the moment, and I'm not saying for one moment to take your eye off the ball. However, sometimes noticing the beauty in things around us can relax us?

I hope this post helps and doesn't sound condescending or patronising. I just know it's something that helps me when I'm down.

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