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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

DD 14 wants to wear jeans to an exercise class

28 replies

QuizTeamAguilera · 18/02/2013 18:55

DD 14 and I had arranged to go to a beginners fencing class together this evening. We could both do with the exercise and she agreed to come.

I went, after work and bought her some exercise pants (innocuous black and intended for teenagers) and she is refusing to wear them. She says she will wear her skinny jeans. I said they're not suitable.

She wasn't overly keen to go as it was and so now a huge row has broken out and we are not going. I have shouted, told her she is ungrateful and lazy and have taken her laptop from her. She is crying loudly (unusual for her) which is hard to listen to as we rarely row. If she had her way she would never venture from the house, other than go go to school.

I really think she could do with a) some exercise and b) some interaction with other people outside the home. I was going to go with her for moral support and company. Now I feel awful but she does have a very easy life at home and not much rocks her boat. I was looking forward to us going and thought it would be fun.

Am I wrong to be hard on her?

OP posts:
basildonbond · 18/02/2013 19:08

I'd have let her go in skinny jeans - she'd have realised as soon as she got there that it was completely inappropriate and she'd have been much more comfortable in the clothing you'd provided but she needed to realise that herself - I'm sorry, but I think you've shot yourself in the foot rather OP ..

When you're about to get into a confrontation with a teenager it can help to step back and think "what's the outcome I want here?" - surely the outcome you wanted was your dd to be doing some exercise?

Original poster
QuizTeamAguilera · 18/02/2013 19:13

But her skinny jeans barely allow her to move! The person taking the class would have thought she was insane surely?

I don't know; I can't help thinking she's ungrateful and does have an awful lot done for her...She will be in her bedroom feeling bad too, I know she will.

At least she'll be reading rather than fb or msn.

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 18/02/2013 19:17

I'd have taken her in the jeans too, she has to learn from her own mistakes. But I've have taken the trousers in my handbag just in case. I've had to take socks and a coat for 14 year old dd before as she's too stubborn, stupid and bitchy to cave in and take them Hmm

Marlinspike · 18/02/2013 19:19

I agree with Basildon - let her go in her skinnies, resist the temptation to say "I told you so", and quietly make sure the appropriate exercise wear is to hand next week.

It would seem that your key aim is to get her to the class with you, so focus on that, and if she chooses to wear something not totally suitable for a couple pf weeks, so be it. Do you think she might be nervous about the class, and feels more comfortable in her own clothes?

exoticfruits · 18/02/2013 19:22

I would have let her go in the jeans-if the teacher thinks her insane it isn't your problem. She would have learnt by her own mistake.

lastSplash · 18/02/2013 19:26

She'd have been humiliated trying to do fencing in inflexible skinny jeans - I disagree with other posters saying you should have let her wear them.

Was it a bit of an excuse OP, was she feeling nervous / self-conscious about going anyway?

Original poster
QuizTeamAguilera · 18/02/2013 19:27

Marlin possibly there is an element of nervousness but I was going to be with her and quite likely make an idiot of myself too!

The problem I have is DS 12 is keen to try everything but DD will find a reason not to do anything. I don't think it's healthy for her to have no hobbies or interests. I have asked her to have a think - she reluctantly takes part in the school mag now but that's very recent. If I don't encourage her, she will happily do nothing.

I would love for her to find an interest.

OP posts:
Picturesinthefirelight · 18/02/2013 19:29

If someone turned up to one of our dance/drama sessions in skinny jeans they wouldn't be allowed to take part. They'd probably end up s

BelindaCarlisle · 18/02/2013 19:29

let her go!

why are you a jeans nazi? they do it at our school in uniform fgs

Picturesinthefirelight · 18/02/2013 19:30

End up slitting during a warm up

Completely inappropriate for any kind if excercise as they allow no freedom of movement

If she wants to do it then she wears appropriate gear

Maybe you should have key her choose her own though. Dd loved her Nike joggers (from the outlet shop) and she l

Original poster
QuizTeamAguilera · 18/02/2013 19:31

lastSplash I'm with you on the jeans thing but agree it actually wouldn't have been my problem.

DD hates any kind of interaction with strangers but is actually very good company and extremely amusing when she knows you. She does make friends quite easily with a push.

OP posts:
Picturesinthefirelight · 18/02/2013 19:31

Can dance great in them but would hate to wear the old fashioned old man type ones.

BelindaCarlisle · 18/02/2013 19:32

you have given her a reason not to go.

take the joggers/track pants and let her go in jeans

Original poster
QuizTeamAguilera · 18/02/2013 19:33

why are you a jeans nazi? I really am not....I just wanted her to feel comfortable.

OP posts:
mercibucket · 18/02/2013 19:33

sounds like she created a drama to get out of it, maybe?

shes old enough to learn herself, the hard way if necessary. were you worried about being embarrassed? i bet everyone would know she'd insisted in the jeans. just let her make her own mistakes, once you've gently let her know thst she might not be allowed to wear them

BelindaCarlisle · 18/02/2013 19:34

but let her decide!!
you are micro managing. IMo sweat the big stuff

call her down now say " ok fine go in jeans but I will take the track pants just in case you change your mind" and have a laugh

Original poster
QuizTeamAguilera · 18/02/2013 19:35

Pictures I promise they were not man-type ones! Just black, not too skinny, not too wide exercise trousers for girls. In fact I bought two pairs one black and one grey so she had a bloody choice!

OP posts:
BelindaCarlisle · 18/02/2013 19:36

micro managing!! Grin

go and get her and vamoosh!

Original poster
QuizTeamAguilera · 18/02/2013 19:37

Belinda it's past 7pm now so we won't be going this week!!

Maybe next week and I'll get her to sort her own joggers out.

OP posts:
Original poster
QuizTeamAguilera · 18/02/2013 19:38

...and her face will be all swollen and miserable!

OP posts:
Snazzynewyear · 18/02/2013 19:38

I agree with letting her go in her jeans and finding out for herself that they aren't suitable, or being told that by the instructor - then you don't need to be the bad guy. She's old enough to learn this stuff from trial and error. Let her. Plus I would save your ammo for big issues. This isn't IMO a big issue.

BelindaCarlisle · 18/02/2013 19:38

tell her "mummy is a cock and if you want ot wear jeans you can as YOU KNOW BEST ' Wink

Snazzynewyear · 18/02/2013 19:39

Have just seen it's too late this week, but FWIW I would suggest cheerfully you go next week, take the trackies in your bag and say nothing about what she should be wearing beforehand. Let her learn the lesson herself.

thixotropic · 18/02/2013 19:43

Hmmmm, you see I can kind of empathise with your dd. I have only certain clothes I feel like 'me' in, and at that age could well have made that sort of decision. I refused to do netball/ dance/ some martial arts because I just couldn't wear the uniforms. I would have just not have gone out. I still feel that way to some degree now, but it was at its height in early teens. Made a million times worse if anyone tried to force me into appropriate outfits.

I would go with allowing her to go in jeans, but put trakky bottoms in her bag.

In my case It sort of stems from lack of confidence and I can remember wanting to blend in, but being too inexperienced to understand that, unlike all the social situations I was used to, people wouldn't be wearing jeans, and I would blend in better in my tracksuit. If I'd had a thoughtfully provided tracksuit to change into, I would have done so without comment.
< and I didn't do a 50 mile bike ride with the local cycling club in black skinnies, oh no>

Original poster
QuizTeamAguilera · 18/02/2013 19:49

Thanks everyone, you have all been brilliant!! I have calmed down enough now to see things a bit more clearly. I'm still on the fence about the jeans but who knows, by next week things might be different. I will definitely not be making such a huge fuss.

I love mumsnet Smile

OP posts:
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