DD 14 wants to wear jeans to an exercise class

[QuizTeamAguilera]

DD 14 and I had arranged to go to a beginners fencing class together this evening. We could both do with the exercise and she agreed to come.

I went, after work and bought her some exercise pants (innocuous black and intended for teenagers) and she is refusing to wear them. She says she will wear her skinny jeans. I said they're not suitable.

She wasn't overly keen to go as it was and so now a huge row has broken out and we are not going. I have shouted, told her she is ungrateful and lazy and have taken her laptop from her. She is crying loudly (unusual for her) which is hard to listen to as we rarely row. If she had her way she would never venture from the house, other than go go to school.

I really think she could do with a) some exercise and b) some interaction with other people outside the home. I was going to go with her for moral support and company. Now I feel awful but she does have a very easy life at home and not much rocks her boat. I was looking forward to us going and thought it would be fun.

Am I wrong to be hard on her?

[flow4]

Of course jeans are a daft thing to wear - of course you're right, Quiz :) But the thing is, she has to find that out for herself! Next week, let her wear her jeans and take the trackies with you... Then if the instructor says something or she decides to admit that she's uncomfortable, you'll have them there for her.

And incidentally, I think you are extremely lucky if she will still wear anything you have chosen for her! My DS2 is 13 and has been insisting on choosing everything for himself for a couple of years now!

[OhMerGerd]

Let her wear the jeans. I had this once with DD1 we were going to a sort of aerobics style dance workout class. They're so self conscious at that age they imagine that everybody is going to be looking at them and that they have got to look cool. Mine even wanted to wear her dolly shoes fgs. We settled on a pair of converse trainers only cos I turned it into a bit of game before we left the house and said so a high kick which was attempted sideways cos obviously the jeans restricted but the shoe flew off which I jokingly turned into a scenario about hitting the instructor in the face and causing the cancellation of the class or some such nonsense. Anyway two star jumps into the warm up I knew she'd realised her mistake. Shuffled her way through getting hotter and hotter while pretending she was fine. I didn't say a word other than about how much I'd enjoyed, what I'd found difficult etc. Next week she was in her joggers.

[itisimplicit]

I fenced in skinny jeans for two years, then regular jeans for the next two (when I realised how much further I could reach) until I bought breeches. I'm now up to grade 3, and I fence for my university team.
It doesn't really make any difference to performance whatsoever, and if it makes her feel comfortable to be in jeans (I wouldn't be caught dead in tracksuit bottoms when I was 14, and I still don't own a pair despite training three times a week), it's not an issue.