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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

god...............teenagers

42 replies

bigisbeatifull · 29/04/2006 12:08

Got home, he had dressed, but wash or do teeth, why would he want to do that. So the smelly one is now revising, well, I say revising, what I actually mean is sitting in front of various books and looking in to space. Occasionally , when he thinks I cant see he gives me a glare, I have now said he can do it to my face, he doesn't like me, that's fine, I don't like him. He only has couple more years, he can get himself a full time job in macdonalds and leave home.

Don't - I repeat..........don't like boys. They are lazy, smelly articles, who mope around your house, feeling hard done by everyone.

am at the end of my teather, just want to slap in around the face, he is so not bothered.

OP posts:
ScummyMummy · 29/04/2006 12:24

Why don't you leave him to it? Take a break.

Rhubarb · 29/04/2006 12:26

How old is he? Can you not throw him out? Grin

Original poster
bigisbeatifull · 29/04/2006 12:35

if i leave him to it, then what? gets bad exam results, spots and smelly lol.

am taking a break.....cleaning. i know how to have fun

OP posts:
QE · 29/04/2006 12:37

If you are saying these things to his face then no wonder he is behaving like he is. Why should he bother when he is told you don't like him? Try being nicer to him, you are the adult ok? Smile

Freckle · 29/04/2006 12:40

I have a pre-teen (12) who is beginning to mope, feel hard done by and scowls a lot. I just talk to him, point out what he's like and how much nicer it would be if he could be pleasant and that, if he is, I'm more likely to do the things for him that he wants me to, like buy things, run him places, etc.

He usually has a think and then comes and gives me a cuddle with a "Sorry, Mum".

I have found that, the more you treat them with a lack of respect and evident dislike, then the more likely they are to be the way you describe.

How about suggesting that you go out for a special lunch together? But he needs to wash and clean his teeth first!

ScummyMummy · 29/04/2006 12:47

Babe- you can't do the exams for him. And you can't make him put the work in. Probably the best thing you can do to help is encourage him. When he's too irritating to be encouraging towards withdraw until you feel better. And I'm sure that you are not saying this sort of thing to his face. Maybe you are exaggerating a bit for effect? If not, I would agree with QE that you do come across as a bit contemptuous of him and I reckon you need to be dead careful not to let that show.

ScummyMummy · 29/04/2006 12:48

Wise words from Freckle.:)

anorak · 29/04/2006 12:51

I really really do understand. I hope you guys who are criticising never have a difficult teenager in the house, b is b has said she is at the end of her tether, and sounds like she has put up with a lot of abuse to me.

I have two teenagers, one is perfect sweetness and light and the other a nightmare, I really really sympathise. It isn't always the parents' fault or why would I have two so different?

Original poster
bigisbeatifull · 29/04/2006 13:19

up until a few months ago we always had the perfect relationship....don't even go there with laying the blame at my door. i have literally tried everything. i have told him i don't like what he has become but that i will alway love him come what may. as for encouraging i dont think i can do anymore. my dh says i should give up and let him get on with it but then what. he is an intelgnt boy all the teachers say it and he is polite and shows respect to every adult he meets. its just his lack of motivation. and lack of respect to me. wouldnt dare be rude to his dad?

OP posts:
ScummyMummy · 29/04/2006 13:22

Not criticising at all. Sounds like a nightmare. Just think that constant exasperation is hard to keep hidden yet doesn't help matters.

Freckle · 29/04/2006 13:28

If it's any comfort, people are always nastiest to those they love best because they feel safe doing that (i.e. mum won't hate them or refuse to have anything to do with them, but friends might).

I think that it's just a question of continuing to let him know that you love him. When he's in a good mood and willing to talk, ask him what he wants to do with his life and then ask him how he thinks he can achieve that. I think teenagers really can't see the connection between their dreams and what is needed to achieve them.

Original poster
bigisbeatifull · 29/04/2006 13:33

just keep telling myself i was a complete cow to my mum and dad so its obviously comming back to haunt me lol

OP posts:
brimfull · 29/04/2006 13:37

You have my every sympathy,anyone who criticises without having a teen themselves needs a kick up the backside imo.The nicest teen in the world can be a nightmare to live with at times no matter what you do or say.

How about suggesting a break from revising for an hour .Does he have a revision timetable?Would chocolate helpGrin,cure all for extreme moodiness in this house!!

Blandmum · 29/04/2006 13:48

Can I risk being flamed here?

I find it oh so annoying that teenagers demand 'repect' while showing none for anyone else or anything.

Respect is earned not a birthright. My kids know they should repect me bacuse I have bloody well earned their respect. I work hard, plan lessons that are interesting and useful, relevant to their coutrses. I spend my time helping them to pass their grades. I know I deserve respect.

Some stroppy teenager, with a foul mouth doesn't get my respect uness they earn in. I treat them politly.....I do to everyone if I can. But my respect is something they earn and then they value it.

Instand repect is totaly worthless, and IMHO in import from the soppier aspects of the States, 'You don't give me any repeck' True, so bloody well earn it!

jampots · 29/04/2006 13:49

my dd is, compared to her pre-teen years, a nightmare sometimes. But compared to her friends is a flipping angel! Her lack of enthusiasm really grates on me but I would rather that than escape into town after being grounded like her friend did for hours on end.

Its better to compare him to his peer group than to who he was a few months ago - its less of a shock Smile

QE · 29/04/2006 15:30

If any comments are directed at me, well I do have a stroppy (at times) teenage dd. And a 12 year old ds who has acted like one since the day he was born! Both are loving and wonderful on the whole but there are times when they speak to me and each other like they are scum. I won't tolerate it. There have been times when I have lost my temper but tbh that doesn't motivate them anymore . What they need is encouragement and sympathy if needed but you can't do their work for them.

If your ds is not motivated then he will be the one to suffer the consequences, you can't make them revise but you can offer help such as test him on certain bits. Get them on the bitesize website which helps with revision. Get a mate over to help him revise then lay on some treats and a dvd to chill out to. Take them out, spend some time with them doing stuff other than revision.

Parents can come across as unhelpful and uncaring in retaliation to a teen's stubbornness and lack of motivation, I know, I do it too. But I know when I take the time to show some empathy and kindness it totally changes the way they react.

Rhubarb · 29/04/2006 17:10

Ok, bad exam results are not the end of the world. I mean, you cannot be with him every minute of the day to make sure he does his stuff, he'll be an adult soon, he has to learn to take responsibilities for his own actions. I know this is easier than it sounds, but half the reason men are such arseholes is because their mums let them get away with such shit and they expect the same treatment from their wives.

If he fails, it is no-ones fault but his own. There is always college. It might be the wake up call that he needs. If he smells, then someone will tell him sooner or later, and he won't find it easy to get dates! Leave him be, let him slob around, pretty soon he'll find out that it's not actually that cool and he'll start to buck his ideas up.

Don't do his washing, don't tidy his room, don't tell him to wash and leave his revision to him. When he cocks up, then he learns.

quanglewangle · 29/04/2006 20:22

So MB, by default, noone gets any respect? Unless they have earned it? Scary.

Imo everybody deserves respect unless they do something to lose it. Adults should set an example and show respect, otherwise how can teenagers learn to respect others?

lou33 · 29/04/2006 20:29

i sympathise, my 14 yr old is an absolute bloody nightmare 90% of the time

spacedonkey · 29/04/2006 20:35

MB are you talking about your pupils at school or your own kids? Because the whole "respect" issue is different depending on your relationship to the teenager I think...

Blandmum · 29/04/2006 20:58

I treat everyone in a polite way, in the way I want to be treated myself. Nothing scary about that. Repect is earned. Rights come along with reponsibility.

I'm talking about the kids I teach btw.

Blandmum · 29/04/2006 21:00

I'm not going to 'respect' someone if they are standing in front of me telling me to fuck off. If they earn my respect I respect them.

Tortington · 30/04/2006 01:59

I'm with rhubarb on this ( amazingly, we hardly ever have thesame view point which is why she is fab)

so he fails his exams - has the option of re -sit or full time WORK ARRRRGGG. will do re-sits - his choice notstate or parent enforced and try harder.

Blandmum · 30/04/2006 07:57

In the end few of us are capable of learning from other people's mistakes....and this is even more true of teenagers. As long as you have given him the encoragement and a place to work, with time, there isn't really that much more that you can do.

ThePrisoner · 30/04/2006 13:10

I bet that when any of us had small babies, we looked at those yobbish, horrible toddlers who went round having tantrums or being horrid to their little friends - and vowed that with the wonderful parenting we intended to give, our precious babies would never end up like that. But they did!

And when your children grew older, and you looked at those spotty, rude, uncaring and anti-social teenagers - I bet we all vowed that our little cherubs would never turn out like that.

But they do. They get hormones. They have friends that we don't like. They go out drinking. They leave their dirty laundry on the floor. They never help around the house. They're rude.

(Would just like to add that my teenagers are going to be paragons of virtue by the time they collect their old-age pensions).

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