Hi this is my first post on here, but I've reading and following everyone else's ..it practically mirrors my current situation, especially the last post of brighter, and I am so glad, if that's the correct word to use, that I stumbled across this thread. As a family, we are teetering on the edge.
Ds2 (15) has been declining dramatically since July this year. Ds1 (17) at college. It isn't a long time I know, but the the change in his personality etc. was dramatic. Everyone who knows him has described it as a massive U-turn, almost as if there's a loose wire and it's lost it's connection.
Without going into too much detail, we've had the abusiveness, some violence, staying out all weekend from 4pm on a Friday until 11pm the Sunday, the problems at school, smoking in our house, etc etc.
I've been following posters such as Maryz and Flow and have been grateful for their wisdom.
He has had some incidents in his past that may or may not have triggered this current behaviour, extremely low self esteem, and there may or may not be weed involved, but at the moment he vehemently denies it.
The last few months have been horrific, as stated by all you wonderful posters earlier, it's like walking on eggshells. The reason why I've decided to post now, is that like brighters earlier post, the doo doo hit the fan a mere half an hour ago in a very similar fashion. I made the really stupid mistake of actually thinking that maybe his smoking had stopped, (no tobacco smells), no "evidence" of other stuff being used, an actual conversation with him on Monday, and resuming his beloved rugby. I actually let my guard down and let out a long breath of air. How silly of me.
Should've gone to school for progress report today. Emailed school to say there's no point in myself and Dh sitting there to be told what we already know, that he is majorly under achieving, and then have to listen to the teachers wagging their fingers in our faces. We're doing our best to try and drag him back on track. He's classed as an urgent on CAMHS list. He said he would attend the college open night instead. Wow we thought. But no, used time from work got home and found he was in an "odd" mood.
To cut to the chase, he then decided to throw a major tantrum, the usual abuse , intimidation etc and said he didn't know why we were making him go, even though he said he wanted to go earlier in the week etc. Dh then threw a wobbler, he left work early, quickly followed by me, after Dh reaction.
I need some advice. I have told some friends about our situation with him, and I can tell they are like some of the earlier posters, with their advice - ground him, no phone (last phone bill was £138 for a month :-( ) no money, etc.and they would , in their words not mine, "lock him in his room". He's a 6ft 2nd row rugby payer, although he has lost over 2 stone since July. But we thought we would try a different tactic, lots of love, and trying to ignore some really bad stuff, there seemed to be a slight improvement... where have we gone wrong?