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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Am I mad to have agreed to 16th birthday party for ds at our house for 30 teenagers?

69 replies

coconut49 · 26/09/2012 22:13

I'd had a couple of glasses of wine when I agreed to this. We do have a biggish house but I am beginning to regret it. Ds is happy for dh and I to stay whole evening locked away in another room but available if any problems. About half girls and half boys invited. We are not providing alcohol, just soft drinks and food, but I expect some kids will bring some. Ends at 12 .
Am I mad? Any advice from anyone who has had a party before for 15 and 16 year olds (most still 15). Thanks!

OP posts:

Takver · 27/09/2012 20:44

My parents were obviously mad then because I had at least two big teenage parties (a new year party when I was 17, then an 18th birthday party). They even went out. Alcohol and all being as we were a bit older, but only beer / cider IIRC. Not only did we not trash the house, I don't think we made as much mess as my parents parties did!

The only real 'damage' was that my dad sprayed Happy New Year & swirls all over the inside of the garage door (garage fixed up for disco with loud music) and it wouldn't come off - I think it was there until the door broke about 10 years later

Admittedly this was (well) pre Facebook, but I think as parents you know whether your child & their friends are going to be - moderately - sensible or not. Mum & Dad were at the pub 2 minutes away and I knew I just had to send a runner & they'd come asap with a bunch of suitably scary mates if a load of gatecrashers turned up!

crypes · 27/09/2012 20:46

Dont lock yourself away! organise it and stay and enjoy it too. We have done several teenager parties and invited about thirty also. DH rigged up a sound system and music. Make sure theres plenty of room to dance,even out in the garden if you dont have enough space. Provide some food half way through so you can take stock of situation (how pissed their all getting) and relax.

deleted203 · 28/09/2012 04:24

I don't think you're mad and ignore the posters telling you your house will be trashed, doors ripped off, paint sprayed, etc. You are in the house to prevent this. And presumably any little sod that tried anything would be immediately flung out by DH. We've had lots of teenage parties without hassle. Hope she has a good time.

SecretSquirrels · 28/09/2012 11:30

It will be fine, I do think people read too many newspaper stories.
The only thing I would add is MUD.
If they are going to partly inside and partly outside with the best behaved kids in the world this weekend the garden will be wet.
Could you confine the indoor bit to kitchen / conservatory type rooms?
You are right to provide plenty of soft drinks. I thought by providing lowish alcohol drinks I would limit what they drank but they all brought their own and actually didn't touch what I put out.
When DS goes to similar parties he takes one small bottle of fruit cider for himself and drinks cola or whatever supplied by the host.

Original poster

coconut49 · 28/09/2012 15:44

Have spent today putting trays of food in the oven and removing anything from garden i think they might regard as good fun to 'play' with. Thanks for all the encouraging posts. Will report on sun!

OP posts:

dexter73 · 28/09/2012 16:51

Please remove any fire extinguishers from your house! (voice of experience!)

lesley2460 · 28/09/2012 18:10

My daughter was 16 in July. We had a barbecue in the garden for about 25 teenagers, myself and a few friends stayed at the other end of the garden :) When it got dark later they all came inside and were dancing in the sitting room. They all brought alcohol with them, I just provided food and soft drinks. Yes, a couple of them were drunk, one was sick (outside), but I think only one glass was broken and it really wasn't too awful at all. I would be inclined not to shut yourselves away totally but see if they'll allow you to mingle a bit - my friends and I did and we actually had some good conversations with some of them. Good luck!!

MiniMonty · 29/09/2012 03:07

Don't worry... you are actually doing the right thing. Set up a good party and set a load of teens an example of what a "nice" party ought to be like. Then they'll know when they're at a bad one in the future. Let the neighbours know that there will be loud (awful) music until midnight, expect alcohol, crying girls, a modicum of chaos and some breakages.
DO keep the invites private.
DON'T try to be "cool" by being part of it.

PS - are you Stiffler's Mum ?

Original poster

coconut49 · 29/09/2012 19:46

Have no fire extinguishers so ok on that front! And not Stifflers mum either! Party has started. 11 year old dd at sleepover and dog at friends house. All under control.......so far, haha. Will report tomorrow !

OP posts:

Original poster

coconut49 · 30/09/2012 11:57

Party went well, no damage, just a bit of mess - the food seemed to get everywhere! They were really good actually. Just had one neighbour, who is only around 30, but an idiot anyway, moan about the noise. He came round to the house at 9.45 only and nearly kicked the door down and went bananas swearing at the kids to turn the music down. Then dh and I appeared and he eventually calmed down. Think he thought we were not in. Dh is going to post a leaflet through his door on anger management!! I had forgotten to tell him about party as didn't think they would hear much from their house (over the road diagonally from our house). Oh well, you can't win em all! The food went down well and the soft drinks we provided all went too, which probably helped them not get too drunk! Thanks for all the advice everyone - I can now relax....till his 17th!!

OP posts:

SecretSquirrels · 30/09/2012 12:13

Great to hear it went well. Now you can post advice on the next teenage house party thread

lostinindia · 30/09/2012 12:51

My friend ds had his 16th at home. They held it in the garage and had a band play. They loved it. They only came in house for the loo (I would have hired a portaloo). My friend was on hand with bbq so could keep an eye on things without cramping their style. Best parties I went to at that age were at friends homes. go for it.

lostinindia · 30/09/2012 12:54

oops I should really read the entire thread before posting. glad it went well.

slambang · 30/09/2012 12:55

Can I ask a stoopid question coconut?

Did the friends bring presents and cards or is that not cool when it's a teen party? (Current debate with ds1 here).

BackforGood · 30/09/2012 13:04

IMe, it's a boy / girl divide. Girls do, boys don't.

Original poster

coconut49 · 30/09/2012 14:54

Slam - Close friends gave him a card with money in, some gave nothing and some just gave him a card. One gave him a box of chocolates and another a bottle of special beer (can't remember what now - root beer?). Some others said they are going to give him his card/money on mon at school (as mon is his actual birthday).
He's now had to go and play football as dh manager of team and was not going to let him off!

OP posts:

slambang · 30/09/2012 16:51

Thanks Coconut. You have been very helpful as I have now won the argument with ds.

SecretSquirrels · 30/09/2012 17:42

slambang Agree with backforgood. Card and present giving very hit and miss. Mostly nothing from boys and a card and silly gift from girls.
I put it down to the fact that, at 16 their mum no longer organises or pays for the gift and card, and so boys can't be bothered and girls can

stayathomegardener · 30/09/2012 19:51

Congrats coconut-make sure you bank all those brownie points

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