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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Am I mad to have agreed to 16th birthday party for ds at our house for 30 teenagers?

69 replies

coconut49 · 26/09/2012 22:13

I'd had a couple of glasses of wine when I agreed to this. We do have a biggish house but I am beginning to regret it. Ds is happy for dh and I to stay whole evening locked away in another room but available if any problems. About half girls and half boys invited. We are not providing alcohol, just soft drinks and food, but I expect some kids will bring some. Ends at 12 .
Am I mad? Any advice from anyone who has had a party before for 15 and 16 year olds (most still 15). Thanks!

OP posts:
Merrylegs · 26/09/2012 22:58

Oh god. Good luck. DS (16) goes to a lot of 'gatherings' at friends houses. When I offered him a party at home for his 16th he said 'No way, mum. This house is far too nice to get wrecked.'

Original poster
coconut49 · 26/09/2012 23:06

Thanks noddyholder! I am hoping it will be the same here. I know all the boys that are coming and the girls are between 14 and 15 so should be ok, so my ds assures me. 4 of his close friends are staying for a sleepover so they can help clear up! Ds is now worried that I'm worried but keen not to cancel despite monetary bribe!

OP posts:
noddyholder · 26/09/2012 23:12

I always think it is just another memory fr them. All his mates were fine no extras turned up we insisted on smoking in the garden if anyone did and staying downstairs. Back doors open and I just handed round bin liners at the end.we often have them round now before thy go out but only about 7 now and it's good to have that relationship with them all as they all chat and I am fairly aware of what they get up to good and bad!

Original poster
coconut49 · 26/09/2012 23:18

And what's the worst that can happen....am going to empty lounge of anything breakable! He had 12 here last year for his 15th and they were really good.
And we are going to make sure anyone not invited doesn't get in.
I'm feeling more confident now thanks to Noddyholder !!! Will let you know how it goes!!!

OP posts:
SomeoneThatYouUsedToKnow · 26/09/2012 23:22

Yes, you are bonkers!

Do you have an older teenager available who can come and check on what's going on. I would be concerned about the DC's getting too drunk. They may (or may not) get drunk beforehand or they may smuggle in drink.

Houses do get wrecked. Confused. Depends very much on the DCs though.

iwastooearlytobeayummymummy · 26/09/2012 23:23

It will be fine but I recommend serving very weak Pimms or mocktails, so that you are in charge of the booze, being subltly in attendance and dishing up suitable food. I did bacon rolls at midnight and kept asking if everyone was ok getting home, offering to call cabs or parents.

dexter73 · 27/09/2012 07:34

It will be fine. After a bit of cleaning up in the morning you (hopefully) will be restored to normal. My dd had a party recently that did get out of hand (long story) but it was just mess and nothing got broken so was all ok in the end even though she was grounded for a month after!

Romilly70 · 27/09/2012 07:38

If you are going to go ahead, (and your DS does sound responsible) I would definitely have some acceptable alcohol available - some beers or as another poster said, pimms or something. They are definitely going to drink.

Also think about some outdoor lighting for your garden so you can actually see what's going on from the house. ALthough you may fnid that if it gets too cold people will start coming into the house.

Make sure you do have some food, because you don't want them raiding your fridge of the weekly shop!!

usualsuspect3 · 27/09/2012 07:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DandyDan · 27/09/2012 09:43

I've had teen parties and had few issues really. It may depend on the friends invited - how responsible are they? One of my kids had a 16th party earlier this year at home, and about 30 folk invited. An older sibling was "on guard" with one of his friends as company, and made sure people behaved and nothing kicked off. We were away on hols nearby and returned the next day. The house was messy but undamaged. However most of the people invited know the whole of our family really well (including me and OH) so have a bit of respect for our house. My othe, older kids have had parties but again, nothing worse than a broken glass and a bit of messiness.

Like other posters, I would think ahead - about where you will be during the evening (within a quick phonecall-range or actually on the premises hidden away) - being on hand later on in the evening is useful, esp if you're making bacon butties! And handing out binbags towards the end.

Even if there's little drink provided, they will bring their own, and possibly do pre-drinking anyway. A sensible older sibling on hand is a really good option - authoritarian enough but without the crack-kill of being a parent.

Original poster
coconut49 · 27/09/2012 12:56

He seems to be friends with a good group of kids. We are going to be there the whole time in another room out of sight! I'm providing food - have bought it today as made decision I have to go ahead with party now as not fair on ds to cancel at such late notice. My dh knows all the boys as he has managed football teams for the local club over the past 10 years and I know most of them. So they know that if they misbehave I will be contacting their parents! I don't know the girls but surely the girls will be ok??
I am reluctant to provide drink as I know they are bringing their own anyway and don't want to be in trouble with any parents whose child gets drunk and then they blame me for providing alcohol!
My ds is the eldest so have no 'sensible elder sibling'!!
But thanks to the last few posters, you have given me more confidence! I don't mind a bit of mess as long as any vomit confined to the loo or in garden!
I'm going to warn the neighbours too in case they complain about the noise but it should all finish at 12.
Will post on Sunday to let you know how it all went!!

OP posts:
Listmaker · 27/09/2012 13:05

Oh yes let us know how it goes. I've almost agreed to a similar thing for my dd's 15th birthday in January......eek!

Maryz · 27/09/2012 13:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

claraschu · 27/09/2012 13:05

We have had 5 or 6 such parties, and they have all been fine. A few people have been sick, but outside (considerate), and I have had to hear dubstep, which I hate; these have been the only problems.

We have had hordes of kids sleeping over too, and they are always lovely in the morning. We have provided beer and bottles of water, (which actually get drunk because kids like to be holding a drink), and lots of food.

I think you only have problems if you get gate crashers.

Maryz · 27/09/2012 13:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

stayathomegardener · 27/09/2012 13:22

Hi coconut,DD 14 had a joint party at home with a friend two weeks ago.
70 Kids invited between 14 and 15 years old-mixing two schools!

We decided to do this when my Mum was diagnosed with Alzheimer in June on the basis you only live once.....plenty of time to get cold feet thoughSmile

Top tips-
We kept it short- 8 till 10.30
They had physical activities- disco indoors and bucking bronco outside
Drinks we bought a new dustbin and filled it with drinks cans and ice(DD spent weeks freezing trays of cubes)They loved fishing around in that and dunking mates
We made serve yourself sweet jars-wholesale sweets on line very cost effective and again it was something else for them to do
Took wine and prior warnings mostly about cars at start and finish times round to neighbours
Make your own hot dogs left in a warming dish went down well
Keeping well out of there way was appreciated.

The party was amazing DD and friend had a great time,she says it was so good it was almost like a dream that didnt happen,although I think she ended up with whiplash from excessive use of bucking bronco Shockso little reminder there.
Nothing broken or damaged.

So glad we did it,DD planning next one Hmmmmmm

YOLO is your mantra,insurance is your friend.

Good luck,update us

Original poster
coconut49 · 27/09/2012 13:47

Well, stayathome, I am impressed! Think your house and garden must be enormous though - 30 will be enough for me but I feel much better now!
Dustbin with ice (for soft drink cans) and hot dogs are a great idea. Not sure about bucking bronco though - might give that one a miss!

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stayathomegardener · 27/09/2012 13:53

House average but on a farm so plenty of outside space for fun(accidents)

Disco man said you can guarantee 20% wont attend so your 30 may be reduced,think we ended up with 55 which was fine.

Am sure your DS will appreciate your braverySmile

MrsRobertDuvallHasRosacea · 27/09/2012 20:28

We had 10 round for dd's birthday...2 boys, 8 girls.
Pizza and sleepover.
No alcohol.

Then dd had a 2nd 16th for school friends last weekend..Disney themed afternoon tea.
Easy peasy.

I would never have 30 in the house Grin

mumeeee · 27/09/2012 20:33

Cpmpletly mad. No big house parties here,

JollyToddler · 27/09/2012 20:34

It will be fine. Just keep an ear out. And make sure your Ds knows he won't get into trouble if he needs your help.

JollyToddler · 27/09/2012 20:36

And just so you know, teenage girls are worse than teenage boys.

bringbacksideburns · 27/09/2012 20:40

Just keep an eye on booze smugglers and gatecrashers!

And if you want to get rid of them all just start mum dancing very conspiciously and embarass the hell out of them.
That's what my dad used to do.
(Remembers dad's Morrissey impression. Shudders.)

modifiedmum · 27/09/2012 20:40

Your in the house so i don't see whats wrong like all the others are saying! I could see why you'd worry if you were going out and leaving them alone as they'd probably end up bring booze in the house and trashing it but as long as your there and can keep an ear out and make it clear to your kid that you'll come down every so often, should be fine! I only ever went to 2 house parties when i was between 13 - 17 and both had parents and no drinking happened, but it was messy Smile

WorkingItOutAsIGo · 27/09/2012 20:44

They will drink, so plenty of pizza to soak it up.

Girls often won't eat pizza...I found big bowls of sweets (eg heroes) did tempt them and you just want them to have something in their stomachs with some fat in to provide a lining, so those do the trick.

Have fun - both you, him and them!

Not mad at all.