Holiday hell - never again - anyone else given up on family holidays?

[mulranno]

Having a hideous time. Kids at each other throats, moaning, fighting etc - I just want to go home and back to work. We really cant cope being holed up with each other 24/7. This is the first week off we have had in a year, we are facing major financial problems and this holiday is unbearable. Dont think I can ever do this again.

Have a .

Have you tried really shouting at the DC's telling them that you have worked hard all year etc etc and you don't appreciate them ruining it.

(sorry can't really think of any good advice but I can sympathise.)

I sympathise , you are not alone . I hate family holidays too.... maybe if I could afford a 5* hotel somewhere hot and sunny with full board and childrens entertainment it might be bearable....

It is just painful - but only 3 more days to endure - they are a little more subdued today maybe they have worn themselves out - but I am just gutted really - such a disappointment that our family life is so strained and aggressive. But it will get worse before it gets better as the return journey is a catalyst for more stress etc. Do I have to do this again - do I have to take my children on a family holiday? If I don't what's the alternative - take my leave during term time and have quiet days (8.30-4) at home?

The original plan was to not have the two most difficult and who dont get on and cause all the aggro to be together so - we would take one for the first few days and the second for the back end of the week - swapping them over with my sister - should have tried this

We've had days like this on holidays over the years. Hang in there - it gets better.

Interesting thread, I have just quoted to my daughter that I refuse to take her on holiday next year unless her attitude changes and she bucks up her ideas, she is 10 and her attitude is disguisting. I understand completely she is going through hormone changes and all that jazz but i refuse to allow her to behave/speak to me the way she does and get away with it. Because of her behaviour more than my DS's the holiday was just awful and wasnt enjoyed at all by me and my partner....the kids had a great time it appears

I have also had to invest in a tent with three sleeping compartments because turns out if her and DS share a sleeping area WW3 breaks out.

How old are your children ? Two years ago my ds1 was 16 and foul on holiday , on the last day I actually told him that he had ruined the holiday for me, I didn't say it anger just matter of factly, he was horrified and claimed not to believe me but it did bring him up short.Interestingly he was going on about what a great holiday that was the other day

This year I didn't think he would want to come, younger ones are 10 and 15, but he did, we went for 10 days ,more relaxing than a week but I knew they would kill each other if a fortnight . I was right we were just getting edgy by the last day or so, what was nice though was that dh and I were able to get out on our own a couple of times leaving ds1 in charge.

Dh had had a manic 8 months at work this year which they were aware of and I
Laid it on before we went about how this was his holiday and he needed a rest and they were not to ruin it for him and in ds case if he had any doubts that he could be. civil for the week he didn't have to come. It seemed to work and on the whole they managed to keep a lid on things.

I felt exactly the same a few weeks ago on our holiday. DD was bossy, moody, used bad language throughout. We went to the Olympics and did loads of teenage type things in London. It really was a trip of a lifetime.

At the same time, she wanted my undivided attention all the time. She was constany at my side. Mum sit by me, walk beside me, talk to me! Agghh, she drove me to distraction and made a holy show of me in front of my family.

Oh yes what is this business of wanting my exclusive attention, ds won't discuss anything with his brothers in the room, they distract him apparently
When he wants my attention he wants it exclusively , the others aren't like that , I suppose that's because they've always had to put him .

This year I thought was our last family holiday - boys aged 13 and 15. The younger one is fine; but the older one is surly, grumpy, miserable, unhelpful, undo-operative, rude, selfish ... On holiday he just seemed miserable all the time; choosing not to take part in some activities, others coming along, but being grumpy, permanently with (huge) headphones on listening to podcasts on his iPod... Drove me bonkers and I was adamant next year he's not coming with us.

However, since we've been back he's been in animatedly telling people - RL and FB - what a fab time he had and all the great things he's seen and done! Aarghh..

I'm beginning to think that the solution is to go on holiday with other people. We just did 4 days camping by ourselves - lots of tension - then 4 days with a bunch of other families and old friends. DS1 didn't know any of them beforehand, tho DS2 met some last year. They could avoid each other because there were plenty of other kids to hang out with! There were teenage girls for DS1 to impress, but also toddlers and younger kids... He was great - charming, polite, helpful - people kept telling me how lovely he was :) (which anyone who has read my previous threads will know is not - hem! - always the case) - carrying water, pitching other people's tents in torrential rain cheerfully, playing swingball with little people... And more... I have had the most relaxing few days in several years, and he announced last night he really enjoyed himself :)

We have.
Mainly because dd has ocd and anxieties, which are increased by being away.
She is nearly 16, ds 13.

Her anxieties fixate on him.....poor lad. So she is constantly on edge when out for a meal with him...makes holidays impossible.

So we have separate ones.
Works well.

I have stopped family hlidays for the past 2 years due to a bloody awful time with my 2 dc who were 13 and 15 at the time.They were so ungrateful, so rude , so moody so self centred that i swore to them and especially to myself that i would never take them anywhere overnight again. And we havent.
when they complain I remind them of the awful time me and their dad had and that we wont spend money on going away with them to be miserable, we can be miserable at home for free
I dont feel guilty about it, I usually take some time off when they are at school and enjoy it. We have family days out and sometimes they are a success and sometimes not but at least we can come home and they can sulk in their room and not in a communal hotel room

Flashback to my ds1 ( now 23) lagging along behind us in the sheeting rain in Mousehole with her cagoule laced up so she looked like Kenny from South Park - muttering 'stupid Butthole, didn't want to come here anyway!'
Fast forward to now and both her and my ds (20) want to revisit these scenes of torture with their friends. They may be moaning now but they regress a bit when they get older! With ds2 (14) we take a friend with us.

July was our last family hol together
Boys are 15 and 16
We went to spain fully inc hotel
Boys mostly stayed in their room on ipods or beat each other (not used to sharing a room)
After 3 days dh and i slept in different apartments with one boy each

OP

I am totally amazed that this year we had a family (DC 11 and 13) holiday where we weren't at each other's throats half the time. We were in a (huge) family room all together, for 2 weeks in an AI hotel instead of camping. I think the AI hotel and no long drive helped immensely. Plus they made friends with a brother and sister of the same ages

Thanks for all your responses. I am relieved and saddened that I am not the only one in this boat. We have been away with other families in the past and it was a lot better - but when they kick off - it is soooo embarassing. Have decided that we will not do a holiday with all 6 of us again. It would have been fine to have left my daughter with her cousins for the week and it was really sad that the two good children especially my little 6 year old had to endure the screams, stress and hideousness of it all. I will not expose her to it again. We concluded that my daughter has emotional issues that we need to take responsibility for seeking professional help for.

That all sounds really hard and very disappointing op. Hope things are easier now you're back home.

Oh OP :(.
How old is your DD?

I am teen free in the holidays as my 13yr old DSD goes to her mum's every holiday so dont have that problem but just from my own experience growing up; my parents had the holiday from hell when I was 14 and my brother 16, threatening to go home, crying (my mum that is), picking my brother up from the local beach drunk as a bat, me in a terrible mood etc etc but that was it...the next holiday was a lot better, the one after it ws just me as my brother went off with friends and they have never looked back. I hope its a one off.....

I took my 14 yr old to Walt Disney World Florida in Dec. Meant to be the happiest place on earth he still walked around with the gumps alot!! Not sure what the answer really. Have done a long weekend with friends with teens and he was happier then. Does your head in though I understand the feeling. A few more years he can go himself. When they have to earn the money and pay for a hoilday maybe they will look back and be grateful!

We are quite a busy and seperate lives family, my 3/4 of my kids are uni age of older but I guess from when they were teens they have always had the annual holiday fights, I find its the first few days while they are getting used to each other again that they pick on everything each other does, then they settle down.
Thought it would be better now they spent most of the year living in seperate cities but it seems its worse as they forget how irritating each of them can be!
I tend to wait til it gets painful then quietly calmy remind them how much ive paid for their holiday, how hard i have worked and how it is valuable time together. I'm usually fairly upset by this point at which they react to and turn into wonderfully grateful creatures.

Oh i miss the days they were 8 years old and overwhelmed and bonded with each other through excitement of a holiday.

I am the woman who stood at Burton Bradstock beach (courtesy of an MN recommendation) and screamed

"Talk about a fucking dysfunctional family!"

at my DD (12)

Every year I say never again. This time I mean it (probably).

Exit it has been a relief to be back home and even better that they returned to school today...we gave up on eating out ages ago why hand over £100 for 45 mins of misery we just about tick along at home with everyone keeping out of each others way but holidays throw us into a spin. Absolutely never again with my lot looking to see if I can coordinate packing them off on exchanges/camps etc and me and my hard working husband have some peace...tho I would like to take the two nice ones away -- might try and orchestrate something so that it doesnt look contrived - ie get the horrible ones "invited" to cousins etc