Do you let your 16 year old daughter walk home at night?

[lesley2460]

We live in a medium-sized town with a generally low-ish crime rate, but you never know who's around :(

My 16 yr old DD, obviously having just left school and trying to have a fun summer, goes out most evenings with her friends, usually to each other's houses. I don't worry too much if she's in by 11 as long as she walks with a friend, but she is making me feel unreasonable, because apparently most of her (female) friends don't have a curfew and are allowed to walk home whenever.

I can't sleep until she's home and I am quite prepared to go out and fetch her in the car if she wants to be later, but obviously as a working single mum I don't want to be up late every night. What's the verdict on girls walking home, even in pairs? I don't like it much and it's causing huge consternation between us :(

[QuacksForDoughnuts]

Have you talked to her about it and got some idea of her intuition on the subject? I don't mean 'does she want to do what her friends do so she can fit in', I mean that she may have strong feelings herself about what the safest option is. I would have suffered significantly less sexual assault - and felt like I was worth more and didn't have to 'allow' it - if my parents had accepted my intuition that I would be safer walking home on my own from certain events than getting a lift with the one of my colleagues who had a car. But my opinion didn't count, just the idea that it was 'unsafe' for a girl to walk through the city centre alone. Your daughter will know if any of the girls in her group have had any trouble and probably which of the boys are likely to use 'walking a girl home' as an excuse to try to misbehave. She will probably know which of her friends' fathers not to accept a lift from, and when she gets a job she will pick up the same sort of intelligence about the people she works with. I'm not saying give her complete free reign - she isn't an adult yet so you have some discretion - but you should at least sound her out and appreciate that she has a certain level of knowledge from the ground. Also, if the worst does happen, believe me she will be a lot better off if she knows you're going to be there for her rather than condemning her and assuming she did something wrong. I'm not saying you would react like that, hell I don't actually know that my folks would have, but it would be good if she wasn't too scared to try.

[StrawberrytallCAKE]

I think it is true that attractiveness doesn't matter when it comes to rape as a rapist is a rapist no matter who is there...but i was 16 not all too long ago and I was beautiful (don't want to brag or anything), I also lived in a small town and when I walked home I was often harassed by men, men in cars, teenage boys in parks, men coming out of pubs. So I do think the fact that your daughter is young and beautiful makes a difference because no doubt she will get attention wherever she goes. Not all attention is good especially at that time of night.

I am so scared of my dd reaching 16 although she's only 3 right now I think I will insist on a curfew (9.30 seems about right), probably have tracking on her iPhone (did you know you can both download an app so you know where each other is all the time?) and a rape alarm of she ever does go out...possibly some pepper spray too. My mum was very lenient with me and although that might be good for some children it wasn't good for me.

[Toughlife]

I agree, plus what a 16 year old call being OK won't necessarily mean the parent would.
I'm having the exact same scenario as Lesley and I ask my 17 year old DD not to walk alone in the dark. Be home by 11pm midweek half term and 1am max sat. night when I'm picking up, no new drivers with 3 month old license acceptable.

I find that she has no respect to my boundaries and if I take internet away as a consequence, she will use her 4G or cause a world war 3.

There had been plenty of cases in 'safe' areas of attacks and rapes and walking alone at these times of night makes them easy targets.

Not sure how to enforce my house rules but am 100% sure these are necessary especially at this vulnerable age..

[OhYouBadBadKitten]

zombie.

[corythatwas]

I always made sure (make sure) that mine had taxi money if they were going to be out late- and I am just as concerned about my son as about my dd.

I would not count early evening as late, though: around here there will still be people about until c 10 o'clock.

[GatoradeMeBitch]

Well I walked about everywhere at 16 and did come to harm - a soldier from a nearby base dragged me off the path into a wooded area. I was fine until suddenly I wasn't.

And it was a 'low crime' area. When you consider that 1 in 3 or 1 in 4 women have been raped, is there really any such thing for us?

[swingofthings]

Same here, middle size town, low crime, but I won't let DD walk alone after 9pm, even a few streets. It is me being over cautious, I acknowledge it but DD is very good about it.

The only time she is out after this time is if she is at a party of babysitting. The latter, either I'll pick her up, the parents will drop her off, or she will take a taxi home. If she's at a party, she will either stay there, or she will ask male friends to walk her. They are really good about it, with a number of them prepared to walk out of their way home to make sure she is safe. I think they see it as their responsibility! Occasionally, she has shared a taxi with others.

She will be at Uni in 18 months time, but hopefully, this will have got her use to taking precautions to be safe.

[llangennith]

ZOMBIE THREAD

[booellesmum]

DD is 15 but I will continue to pick her up from wherever she is until she leaves home.
I wouldn't want to be out on my own at night, so I wouldn't put her in that position.
I might be paranoid but I'd rather be paranoid than sorry.

[t875]

No I don't feel comfortable with it all we had had a few of approaching a to children and cars pulling up to walking school kids round here so don't feel comfortable.

[BitOutOfPractice]

The OP's DD is 21 now

[t875]

Teaches me being half asleep answering threads!!