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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

I'm a teen and I'm depressed and thinking of suicide

35 replies

confuzzledwierdo · 03/08/2012 00:29

Let's say my name is katie as I want to stay anonomous, I have suffered from depression,( non confirmed from doctors) for about a year, its not hormones, trust me. I have self harmed and I am thinking about killing myself, I am horrible person, I don't listen to what my mum says to me and I always seem to get in the way of her and her boyfriend and all of her goals in life, she wanted to go to uni but because I cannot take bus on my own she didn't go, my friends don't seem to stand me, I'm unpoular, I'm ugly and tbh slightly fat, I cannot seem to get a boyfriend and everyone hates me, I do not want to be a victim and a child anymore. I just have so much anger and I'm so upset all the time, its getting too much, I go to a great school and yet I am getting c's and b's and I feel like my mum deserves better, even her and my family hate me, my mum is fab, and I love her to bits but I'm dragging her down all the time, its all my fault. I lie, I interupt people, I don't listen, I am constantly being left on my own coz I am that much of a bitch, I'm sick of life and I don't no what to do anymore, I have give up, after self harming and mym mum calling me a freak, I don't do it anymore, but I hate myself. It seems like the only good option, no one would care if I dissapeared, my mum would get new oportunities, my sisters wouldn't argue wiv me anymore, mym mum n dad wouldn't fight as much and my mums bf would be glad to get the peace and quiet, what should I do?? I can't stop hurting myself and thinking about how I am horrid, I hate it. Please help me :(

OP posts:
OhYouGreatGreatBritain · 03/08/2012 00:33

The best place for you to get help tonight is the Samaritans. email samaritans
I hope you get the help you need.

FannyFifer · 03/08/2012 00:37

Oh sweetheart you sound in an awful place.
Have you spoke to GP? You said depression is unconfirmed.
Speak to your mum, tell her the truth, I'm sure she will do all in her power to help you

Original poster
confuzzledwierdo · 03/08/2012 00:41

I don't think I could ever tell my mum, she would not understand, I told he about me self harming, she screamed at me and called me a wierdo and an attention seeker, I still have scars from it, I have only told my best friend becky and she has been so supportive but my mum would just call me a wierdo :/

OP posts:
FannyFifer · 03/08/2012 00:46

Have you another close adult you can speak to, an aunt maybe, how about a teacher at school?
There are specific support services for teens, gp would maybe know of something in your area.
Good that you have someone to confide in, Becky must be a good friend. X

Original poster
confuzzledwierdo · 03/08/2012 00:49

She is, she means the world to me, I talked to someone at school about it but they just kinda rambled on at me and told me to speak to my mum, all my aunts are living in manchester so I never see them and barely no them, no one really understands at the minute and I just don't have a clue what to do, when I spoke to someone at school we tried to get behind why I was feeling that way- no luck, I just hate myself

OP posts:
Original poster
confuzzledwierdo · 03/08/2012 00:50

She is, she means the world to me, I talked to someone at school about it but they just kinda rambled on at me and told me to speak to my mum, all my aunts are living in manchester so I never see them and barely no them, no one really understands at the minute and I just don't have a clue what to do, when I spoke to someone at school we tried to get behind why I was feeling that way- no luck, I just hate myself

OP posts:
Dizneyfairy · 03/08/2012 01:01

Please speak to the samaritans then your GP at the earliest opportunity. You are young with your whole life ahead of you, don't hate yourself as I'm sure no one else does, life is full of opportunities for you so seek help then move on to the next chapter, take care xxxxx

OlympicRelay · 03/08/2012 01:02

How do you know its not hormones? I still.get.effected by hormones and get such bad pmt I feel.suicidal a few days a month, I know its hormones and it will pass.

Original poster
confuzzledwierdo · 03/08/2012 01:04

Thanks a lot, have emailed samaritains and waiting for reply and gonna ask my friend to take me to the doctors to see what's really up, that's a lot for everyone who has helped, u have literally saved my life and I am really greatful, will try out ideas and see if they work x

OP posts:
IAmNoAngel · 03/08/2012 01:04

How old are you?

bunjies · 03/08/2012 07:23

hi confuzzled. just seen your post & am so sorry that you feel so bad about yourself. you are not a bad person. you just sound confused about the things going on in your life. and getting bs and cs at school is great. please try & speak to someone other than family about your feelings. it's much easier talking to someone impartial. definitely make a gp appt if you can. how old are you?

MaryMotherOfCheeses · 03/08/2012 07:44

Hello, how are you feeling today?

How did you get on with emailing samaritans? And yy do try seeing your gp. You dont need to feel this bad about yourself.

flow4 · 03/08/2012 08:14

Hi confuzzled, I'm sorry you're feeling so bad. It's miserable feeling like that, and you can get into a vicious circle where you spiral down and can't work out how to make anything better. :(

My experience is that if you can do just ONE thing that makes you feel just a bit better, other things then begin to feel possible. Try one or two of these:
-Phone the samaritans on 08457 909090
-Go and see your GP and tell him/her how you feel. You don't need to take your mum or even tell her, if you don't want to.
-Do something physical... I know that sounds mad, but it really helps! Swimming, dancing, running, jumping, a walk outside or anything physical can make you feel better - sometimes a lot better
-Are you creative? Making things, craft, painting, playing music etc. all have a positive effect on how you feel :)
-Do something nice for someone else :) This is hard when you're feeling miserable, but it can have a massively good effect on your mood! It doesn't have to be a big thing - anything from making someone a cup of tea through to doing some volunteering - any act of kindness! :)

There are some other ideas here

Hope things improve for you soon! :)

BlindFishIdeas · 03/08/2012 10:24

Dear Confuzzled,

Please know that people care for you, you are not alone.

I agree with all of flow4's suggestions, sharing with people is very helpful. Posting here is a great start. Keep trying to find people you can talk with.

Another website that can help is www.kooth.com its made specifically for young people. They do online sessions where you can chat and have loads of experience. If you don't like talking on a phone this can be a good alternative. They have message boards and articles if you fancy having a look around before speaking to anyone.

You are not alone, you do not need to try and do this by yourself.

Redglow · 03/08/2012 10:34

Confuzzled if you were my daughter I would be proud I doubt if my son will get even b's and c's for his exams. You not in any trouble, you go to school. Get up today and make yourself go out. Go and see a doctor I was very surprised when my daughter was that age how many we're depressed and they were all pretty which I am sure you are too. Everyone has a quality do not put yourself down.

Elephantscantdothetriathlon · 03/08/2012 10:39

Hi confuzzeled. My dd felt like this and i got her counselling. She is !3 how old are you?

Samaritans and childline will help you. So will the doctors.

Original poster
confuzzledwierdo · 03/08/2012 23:55

I'm 14, I am going to try to go to my gp, I didn't think it was hormones as I barely get effected and never moody, none of the usual sighs and its usually for weeks more than afew days, I constantly feel rubbish, I'm quite active and do dance and cheerleading but tbh it makes me feel worse, I play piano but just makes me feel annoyed when I get it wrong, I just don't know what it is and am really thinking about doing it, have thought about it for about a year,

OP posts:
OlympicRelay · 04/08/2012 00:04

Who do you dance/cheerlead with? Is there someone there or something about it you don't enjoy/feel comfortable with?

Original poster
confuzzledwierdo · 04/08/2012 00:06

I love cheerleading, the only thing is that when I leave I am so tired I get angry that I have either messed up or am so tired, I could probably talk to my coach, I just really hope my mum dosnt find out off her, :/

OP posts:
MaryMotherOfCheeses · 04/08/2012 00:11

Hello Confuzzled, I'm glad you came back.

yy to talking to anyone you can. And if you say "Please don't talk to my mum about it" they really shoudl respect that.

But most of all GP. How do you go about getting an appointment with them?

MaryMotherOfCheeses · 04/08/2012 00:16

A year??! My goodness, you poor thing. You do deserve to have some help. Sad

Original poster
confuzzledwierdo · 04/08/2012 00:18

I think I'm going to ring the doctors in the morning and make an apointment, I just want it to stop and to just make it all stop

OP posts:
SirBoobAlot · 04/08/2012 00:24

Most schools have a counselling service, and these are confidential.

Its very easy to feel that "hormones" is a fob off, and a way of them telling you to get on with things. But when you actually look into it, hormones and chemicals control our bodies. An imbalance of one of those can cause all sorts of reactions, one of which is feeling very low. That's not to say you don't feel depressed - just that a chemical imbalance is the reason for it.

I do remember being told at the same age to get on with things when it really felt like I could not. Reach out and find some support. You can go to a doctors appointment by yourself if you call and arrange for a nurse to be present, should you not wish your mother to be there.

Have you spoken to your mum about how you're feeling?

Roses12s · 04/08/2012 00:25

Hi confluzzed all these things you think are wrong are normal we all have negative qualities that we would love to change its part of being a human. We are taught to strive for perfection but that's not real and just makes us feel inadequate. When you feel this low it's so hard to find hope. But you are strong, thoughtful and good at dance and piano. We are obviously a good friend or you wouldn't have such a good friend as you do. Agree that you should ring the samaratians I have found them so comforting and they help you think clearly. Also agree change something and it will help change your perspective. Keep in touch here there is loads of people who care.

TheSadWitch · 04/08/2012 00:40

Firstly, I agree with what everyone says above, the Samaritans and your doctor should be able to help you without telling your mum.

I just wanted to say that I felt the same as you have described when I was your age. Getting Cs and Bs at school is actually very good and you should be proud of yourself for doing so well. Please remember that because it's true whatever anyone in your family says. Personally, I got through school by focusing on what I wanted to achieve in life afterwards, namely getting away from my negative environment at home by going to university and traveling. Things haven't gone to plan obviously, but I have got where I wanted to be in a roundabout way and I am happy now. I know it's hard to believe things will get better but try to if you can. xx

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