I'm a teen and I'm depressed and thinking of suicide

[confuzzledwierdo]

Let's say my name is katie as I want to stay anonomous, I have suffered from depression,( non confirmed from doctors) for about a year, its not hormones, trust me. I have self harmed and I am thinking about killing myself, I am horrible person, I don't listen to what my mum says to me and I always seem to get in the way of her and her boyfriend and all of her goals in life, she wanted to go to uni but because I cannot take bus on my own she didn't go, my friends don't seem to stand me, I'm unpoular, I'm ugly and tbh slightly fat, I cannot seem to get a boyfriend and everyone hates me, I do not want to be a victim and a child anymore. I just have so much anger and I'm so upset all the time, its getting too much, I go to a great school and yet I am getting c's and b's and I feel like my mum deserves better, even her and my family hate me, my mum is fab, and I love her to bits but I'm dragging her down all the time, its all my fault. I lie, I interupt people, I don't listen, I am constantly being left on my own coz I am that much of a bitch, I'm sick of life and I don't no what to do anymore, I have give up, after self harming and mym mum calling me a freak, I don't do it anymore, but I hate myself. It seems like the only good option, no one would care if I dissapeared, my mum would get new oportunities, my sisters wouldn't argue wiv me anymore, mym mum n dad wouldn't fight as much and my mums bf would be glad to get the peace and quiet, what should I do?? I can't stop hurting myself and thinking about how I am horrid, I hate it. Please help me :(

confuzzled, well done for coming on here to ask for help.
I hope Samaritans were helpful.
You will feel better.
Have a big hug.

Talked to my mum about my feelings and she didn't understand, she just basically told me to get on with it and stop complaining, had councelling at school and it helped alot- with it being the hols I don't have that anymore, wish I did but what can ya do?

Well I know for one that you are a nice person because I have just read that you recommended books on another thread, so that was a nice thing to do. Just take one day at a time, and any time you are feeling down come on here there are always people who will have time for a chat.

Confuzzled weirdo, you are in no way a weirdo, I think most people have felt like you do at some point in their life, I know I definitely felt like this when I was a teenager. All I can say to you is that life will get better, teenage years are only a tiny part of life, and are really quite crap for the majority of people, you will not feel like this forever, you are on the cusp of what will be a really exciting time in your life.
I am sure your mum does care for you a lot, and would be absolutely devastated if anything happened to you, I think it is very difficult for people to deal with someone close to them expressing feelings of despair like you have, I know as a mum that I would feel, rightly or wrongly, terribly guilty if my son felt like this, so she well might not want to accept that you actually feel this way hence brushing you off or she may be a total beatch;-) eitherway if you can't talk to her, try and find someone you can talk to, or come on here if you are feeling low
By the way don't take on responsibility for how your mothers life has turned out, your mum made choices, it is her choices that have shaped her life, your choices can shape yours

Oh you poor thing. You are v brave for coming here and telling us how you feel - think of this place as your friendly diary! I hope it helps getting your feelings out. So many lovely women I know had awful times as teens - feeling like failures, hating themselves, feeling unattractive etc. I've felt like you sometimes and definitely felt better getting help from GP, best friend and counsellor. Please call Samaritans anytime you need to - they're waiting to help you.

You sound like you are smart, kind, talented and brave:
Big hugs.

hey confuzzled, at least you have started seeking the help you need so you will be in a better position soon i was in a very similar situation at 14 (only 5 years ago) counseling will help and i hope your area has a good adolescents mental health system, my mum was very similar until she realized it was serious, you will get through this i promise, it may take work and upset along the way but there are places to go, childline was a lifesaver to me there are some very nice helpful people there, and same with the Samaritans i know people who volunteer for them who are psychology degree students. you sound like an amazing young woman, you are not alone in how you feel 1 in 4 people have a form of depression in there lives, teenagers do appear to have a form depression more as your hormones are unbalanced due to your body changing and this can cause chemical shifts which effect your moods (which is all depression is) such a simple reason for a something that can be so devastating to the person within the depression.

a good thing for you to do to help yourself is to try to understand why you are feeling the way you do, any triggers (even the tiniest of things) that you notice before you get depressed, what started it, the key to dealing and helping to recover from depression is having these insights, it may take a while and it did take me a few years to identify and except what the triggers for me where. the method you use to find this all out depends on you and your loves, personally i used a mood diary as i loved to write. but also talking to an impartial person who is there to listen may help to coz you can then blabber away about random stuff that's happened in your life and something may just click (this is all based on a tried and tested psychological therapy which helps for people who can have insight into there mind so for illnesses such as depression, its call cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) if you wish to find out more)

please never give up you are never alone you will always be loved, it may not feel like it but you have a wonderful life and full of experiences to enjoy and a possibility of 80 years left,
look after yourself

I've just read this all again from the beginning and it's made me quite tearful.
Because I think I understand what you mean about how you feel, but I'm very sad that that makes you think you're horrible. You are definitely NOT horrible. You are at quite a difficult age , in that you are starting to feel grown up but you're not old enough to be in control of your life, but you will be soon.
Bs and Cs at school are what some other people can only dream of, well done, and keep it up.
As far as your mum is concerned, could you think about writing her a letter, saying things like you've said here, and telling her exactly what help you would like from her.
You are obviously a very sensitive, thoughtful girl. You have a lovely life ahead of you. Have you got any ideas about what you might like to do when you leave school?
By the way, if you feel tired and cross after cheerleading and dancing it could be that you need to keep your blood sugar level up. So eat something just before and have fruit juice and something to eat straight afterwards.

Have not read all other advice, but needed to say: My daughter has been in this same place, and I am so glad she came to me, and on another occasion to a trusted adult friend, and is therefore still with us, training to be a hairdresser and feeling on top of her emotional stuff. She still self harms, which was initially so hard for me to understand, but now makes a certain amount of sense to me (I think I understand the idea of needing physical pain to release the emotional hurt) and is still depressed sometimes, but if she hadn't come to me, I would be grieving her loss for the rest of my life. She was convinced that I and her sister hated her, that she was ruining our lives: It is not now, and never was true. Please, please, talk to someone adult who you trust. And see a doctor to start getting some real help.

When DD2 first came to me, I did not handle it at all well, btw. I pointed out how beautiful, funny, talented and smart she was: which only made her feel worse, because she couldn't understand why she still felt so awful. It has taken three years of us working together and apart to reach the point where when she is hurting I can just wrap my arms around her and let her hurt, instead of trying to fix it. I want to wrap you up in a big hug, and just let you cry out some of that hurt. it can get better. It will, if you give it the chance.

please dont i am sure you are valued my 14 yr old speaks just as you do please contact childline they are very good please dont give up xx