DD has spent two nights at her boyfriend's home and is going to stay tonight again. She's nearly 15 and he'll be 18 next month.
I agreed to the 2 nights, knowing they were going to the cinema with his mum and older sibling on the first day and thinking they had something nice planned for yesterday after I'd taken them along with one of DD's friends to the airport to say goodbye to a dear friend of theirs who is returning home to the other side of the world.
On the way back from the airport I asked DD's BF what his plans were. He was very vague. I offered to take them all back to our house for lunch. We had to pass the end of our street to take DD's friend home anyway. BF thought his mum probably had lunch organised so he thought they should go straight back to his house (3 miles from our house).
5pm. DD and BF arrive at our house asking if DD can stay over for a 3rd night (which will be tonight). I wanted to say no, you're very lucky to stay over at all etc etc but thought maybe DD's mum had something nice planned (it seems that she organises DD and BF's dates quite frequently!) and DD and BF would be bitterly aggrieved so I invited BF's mum who was waiting outside in the car in for a cuppa in.
She came in a bit reluctantly - needed to get back to take the washing in. She'd been pottering about the local shops with DD while BF had been at his drop-in sports thing and explained in great detail how they were going to spend the evening and today working on making a photo CD montage thing of BF's life up to now to have for fun at his 18th birthday party in four weeks (and give copies off to his birthday guests) and they really needed to crack on and get this done for reasons XYZ.
DD is really giving IMO. She went to BF's gran's funeral in May at his mum's suggestion/request though she'd only met her once. (They started going out with each other in December of last year), went to several of his hobby events (which she's interested in, in a slightly different field - but she was really busy at the time. Once, BF's mum got DD a ticket without asking me first). She chose him as her friend to come on our holiday at the start of July (scottish schools etc). He got back and spent all his money on equipment for his hobby. He's doing two weeks work in August and nothing else before he starts uni - here, in our home town. He does almost nothing on his own with DD except go to the cinema and go out for occasional meals.
He appears to have no close friends. He doesn't like DD's best friend and she doesn't like him. He didn't go to his school leaving prom. They bitch about everybody - not something my DD is usually guilty of and rarely say thankyou for anything. DDand BF prefer to spend more time at his home than ours (I think because I expect higher standards of manners and don't tolerate swearing in our home). Also BF is a fussy eater - though I take pains to cater for him.
DD is about to start her most important year of school and completely distracted by BF and his family. I feel miserable and helpless about the whole thing. What can I do?
.