13 year old

[Gailee]

Please help me. My 13 year old daughter is very angry towards me and as a result lashed out at me tonight. I am going to contact the school tomorrow.

that doesn't sound good. What can we do? Do you want to talk about what happened?

Yes please. My daughter simply hates us. She is perfect in school but has no time for us. She is aggressive every day to me and I just can't take it anymore

Can you give us a bit more info on why she lashed out?

Does she have siblings?

when did it start gailee?

Sounds horrible, Gailee :( Are you safe now?

She has a sister who I think she is jealous of. She loses her temper all the time and shouts at me all the time. She says I never praise her but I do. I feel as a mother I have failed her

Hope you re OK and get to the bottom of what is making her angry.

you say she says that you never praise her, but that you do. Do you believe that it is true that she FEELS this is the truth (doesn't really matter if she's wrong or right).

Teenagers are very self centred, selfish and emotional - this is their default mode - but it is just a stage they go through (just like the terrible twos).

I believe that its a case of finding a style of parenting that suits you, your DD, and your family dynamics (and it wont be the same for all).

Can you declare a truce with her, tell her you want her to be happy and both of you go away and think through the things you want to talk about and then get back together maybe tomorrow when you both less frazzled?

How are her hormones at the moment? I have found with my 13 yr old that she is less tolerant in a cycle even though no periods yet.

My daughter has contacted social work and is now staying at a friends house. Apparently she wants me charged by the police and I want to end my life. Please help

oh goodness. What is going on? What does she want to charge you with?

We are at a loss really, since you haven't told us much. I hope you are ok. Get someone on your side in real life who you can confide in and who can give you some concrete advise. Perhaps a family counsellor would be a good place to start.

advice I meant, sorry

are you a single mother and on your own with this?

samaritans

I have to leave soon to take dd to a concert out of town so I won't be back online today. Perhaqps you could call the samaritans and talk about everything that is going on and how you feel.

I hope you are alright. You know bad things come and bad things go if you look back on your life and I don't know what is going on right now but it will pass

Thank you. I just can't see light at the end of the tunnel. She says I hit her

did you?

Gailee, your situation sounds horrible. People here will give you support and tell you what they think, if you tell us more. But if you are feeling like ending your life, please call Samaritans on 08457 909090. their website

Try not to panic. Things are probably not as bad as you think. Even if your daughter does involve the police or social services, you will not be in trouble, if things happened as you have described. They might even help you. Tho to be honest, they are more likely just to ask some questions and go away.

The police have lots of experience dealing with difficult teens, and unless you have been abusing her, or you have injured her, they are not likely to arrest you.

Even if you have hit her, if you have been defending yourself they will not charge you.

My teenage son once called 999 on me - and I actually had lost my temper and slapped his face when he screamed the c- word at me The police came, and asked me what happened, and I told them, and they went away again, and that was the end of it... They even offered to have words with him about his behaviour.

You really sound like you need support - someone to talk to, and someone to give you practical help dealing with your daughter. Go to your GP as a first step. Find out if there's a women's centre in your area or if your council offers family support.

People here can listen and give their opinions, but they can't give you practical help. You need to contact someone in 'real life' too.

I didn't hit her she hit me and she knew she was wrong. I tried to restrain her and shouted at her and told her a lot of horrible things but why is she doing this. I am dreading the police coming

It sounds like she is doing it because she is very angry. Maybe with you, or maybe with life in general, or both. It sounds like she is trying to wind you up or punish you, and she has found a good way to get at you :( A lot of teens do some really, really horrible things to their mums.

Don't worry too much about the police coming. From what you say, you have done nothing wrong... You will probably just need to answer some questions, and that will be it. But please do get yourself some support... It sounds like you need it...

I don't know why she is doing this gailee, it sounds awful. No wonder you are worried and upset. I think she cannot get you into trouble with social services or police because really it is just your word against hers and nothing further for them to go on.

Can you remember when she started to change? Perhaps there is a reason for it - other than simply teenage rebellion of some kind. If you knew when it all began, perhaps you could make a connection to the cause of the problem.

I think you (as in the rest of the family) should try family counselling for some support and help. If your dd does involve s.s. in this, perhaps you could ask them for advice.Since you don't know what is making her lash out, it is hard to know what might help get her back on track and somehow stabilised and happy.

I hope things improve

I'm very low today. I am dreading tomorrow, interview with police and social services. I want to give my daughter a hug but now I'm worried she won't want to come home. I haven't slept since Friday or eaten. Why is this happening to me]

Sorry to hear it's so stressful.
I've always told DC that they can move out when they're 12 just by asking SS. They'll get to go live with other parents who might not be half as nice as me, though.

Weirdly enough that shuts them up with the running away & other threats.
SS+police will have heard plenty from wild exaggerating teens before, I doubt you have anything to be afraid of.

if SS is on the ball they will have some ideas to help you get support.

you are not in the wrong, you are a concerned parent who has no idea why her dd is behaving like this and wants to find out what the problem is and help her - that is the message you will pass along to police and ss. Can you take someone with you who is less involved and can give you some moral support?

I wonder, have you spoken to anyone outside the family about these problems before? Perhaps someone at dd's school? If so, you could bring this up when you have the interview and show what you have been trying to do about the problem for some time.

I wish I knew what was going wrong for your dd. No wonder you cannot eat or sleep. I hope the interview you have , which I am sure you are absolutely dreading, will actually help in some way. I have no personal experience of s.s. or police involvement. I hope someone comes on the thread who has and give you some first-hand advice.

I'm worried they are going to believe my daughter as she is a clever girl.