DD who wants to leave home when shes 16

[jnmka]

I wonder if anyone else has had a dd whos left home at 16 because they thing they can cope on their own............My dd turns 16 in 3 weeks and from listening to people she hangs around with(who are usually 18,19 20 or older) thinks she can leave home,get a job,a flat and still have all the luxuries she has now.she was going to college but thats now changed,she just wants a job,which im not againt,but as we all know they not easy to come by these days........... ive told her to keep her options open,but she insistant she no longer wants to go to college no matter what........ive told her that child benefit,maintenace payments with stop end august and that if she doesnt get a job there will be no money coming in for her,but she still says i will get a job!eldest dd whos 22,has a fairly good job,bf and a flat tried to talk to her and tell her how much it actually costs to run your own place, needing bonds deposits,but she didnt seem bothered,just kept saying she will do it.anyone any advice on how to handle this situation or do i just let her do it and see how long she can cope for.

I used to take the mouse and keyboard .

A lot of us wanted to leave home when we were 16. Some of did but most of us didnt.
As others have said, just go with it.
It wont be long before she finds out she needs a hefty deposit for a flat and that jobs dont come easy to 16 year olds.
I left home when I was 15 but that is a whole other thread...

jnmka, I think there's a good chance she's saying she wants to leave home not because she actually does, but because she has realised it's a good way to wind you up. If you can manage to be supportive or at least neutral, rather than letting her know she's upsetting you, the idea may just evaporate before too long

Meanwhile, I'm reading all these posts with dread - no jobs, no flats, no money, no possibility for young people to leave home - aaaaaaaargh!

Suppose i could be or could have been smoothering her in a lot of ways,think ive been to soft and tried to mother her too much,now she rebeling.

Maybe she is trying to wind me up flow4.she doing a good job if she is she causes me nothing but worry daily.

Ask her again has she left education completely? Then tell her that you are stopping all pocket money from July - and as of September you expect her to either be paying rent of £X a month or having moved out, of course if she decides to go back to college, then you will discuss supporting her.

Honestly, it's her life, but she needs to do something with it. Don't just support her doing feck all.

If you think she's just trying to wind you up, would it really matter long term if she did drop out of education for a year, get a job, decide it's not for her and then move back home and go back to school? Try to relax, it's not going to be destroying all her options to spend a year realising how bloody lucky she is.

i know what your saying dontmindifido...............just dont want her to make mistakes she will regret in the future,think im frightened she giving up the life shes had for a not so good one.

does she have to be in at 10 everyday?? even weekends??

and why is sleeping out rare?? and do you always speak to parents?? sorry for all the questions, I am just trying to figure out what she is rebelling against

yes she does have to be in at 10 weekends as well,is this too early? tbh ive only started leting her stay out till then last 2 weeks ,was 9 in week and 9 30 weekends.thought this was late enough with her just hanging round streets

Ds can come home at midnight or I would expect him to stay at a friends if it's the weekend. Non exam time during the week - depends really, no hard fast rules for time back. But I wouldnt be happy if he were hanging around the streets during the day. Not really his thing so not an issue. If he goes out it's for a purpose e.g to someone's house.

I was similar times with my ds until he left school. It's so hard there still your baby. You want what is best for them but they think your just trying to ruin there lives. You will get through this x

Sleeping out was rare cause she didnt really ask to,now shes saying that i wont let her if she asks so thats why she takes it upon herself to decide she is just staying out.and i suppose the speaking to parents was something id done when she was younger and just carried on,maybe i have been a little over protective

yes its way too early, esp on weekends, but thats my opinion, others would disagree.

At the end of the day, its bloody hard to let them go, but we have to.

a) Im not surprised she is rebelling
b) She is going to start lying to you
c) Being strict hasnt stopped the dodgy 19 year old boyfriend

DS (also 16), spends a lot of time in park, at nature reserve, strumming a guitar into the night.

TBH - and again this is just my opinion, I think you need to have a long hard think, she isnt a baby any more and perhaps you may get further with her if you relax your rules, because she is already showing you she doesnt care about the money.

Re speaking to parents, she is getting older, I stopped doing that when DS hit 16.

jnmka - but would she be giving it up forever? If she say, got a job and worked for a year, could you support her if she decided at 17 she was ready to study? Could you view it as more that she's taking the 'year out' at 16 rather than 18.

Also, you should give her later curfews, or rather, at 16, none, but an understanding she has to be quiet when she comes in, able to get herself up and out on time in the morning if she needs too and if she's staying out, call you to tell you, but not need your permission. I'm surprised she's hanging round the streets though, you said she's got older friends who have their own flats, surely she's going round to theirs?

She isnt actually 16 for another 3 weeks mambonumber7.
you prob are right bout being too strict with her,and shes lied to us loads for a while now,the bf being one of them,when we found out he was in trouble with police we told she wasnt aloud to see him,she lied for months bout that.

im trying to back off as much as possible,and just leting her get on with it.

smother him with kindness, even if it kills you!!!

half the attraction is you dont like him!!!!!!!!

thats doesnt mean giving her total free reign btw, DS has a hobby that can involve him coming home as late as 5am, he is in a large group and I drop him there, thats fine, I wouldnt "just" allow him to come home at that time.

I also let him stay overnight without checking up, then he has no reason to lie.

I dont really like him wandering streets, so on weekends, he has to ring me to let me know when they are in someones house, and it has to be by midnight.

I will drop off (or DH will) or pick up at anytime, but there are unusual reasons for that, if our situation wasnt so unusual, I would put restrictions on times for lifts.

I dont think you should just back off, I think you need to talk to her about what you would like/she would like.

i would support her if she decided later on she did wanted to go to college dontmindifido.
i know what your saying on the cerfuws etc and i think even though its hard for me the way shes been acting perhaps i would be better taking your advice and as you say dropping it.

think she does go round to flats etc sometimes but i know she does still like to walk the streets too.

by the way shes come home at 9 tonight off her own back,did go out at 1 so perhaps she got fed up.

weve cross posted

There is no way we can have the bf in the house,we under suspision that he has stolen from us, money etc gone missing,we have a lock on our bedroom door now,its one of the things he quiet famous for is stealing. the dh wont even have his name mentioned in the house

oh dear, what about going out with him?? I can imagine its making your stomach churn, but better the devil you know maybe??

I wouldnt like to be in your shoes with that one :(

Thanks for your words of comfort brightermornings and i hope your right and we get through this successfully.

it does make my stomach churn mambonuber7.it is on and off,in the last 2 weeks it must have been off 3 times,but she always goes back,we not going to be able to stop her seeing him,i try not to mention it much.if she mentions him i just listen,if we say anything it with push her more to him.

if it helps I packed in school at 16, ended up doing a part time course with work and went to uni a year later than everyone else