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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

any tips on taking a teen on holiday?

49 replies

ancienthistrionics · 26/05/2012 08:49

We need to book a holiday that will give us all a break. We have DP's DN living with us (permanently, so our DS to all intents and purposes) - we've tried to get his cousins along which has worked well in the past, and offered for him to bring a friend, to no avail. He will spend all day asking us what we're doing now, will DP go in the pool with him, he's bored etc. DP will get stressed because he just wants to read his book (i know I know he should do more with him, and he will do some, but it will never be enough). We also have DS, age 2. Where can we go where DN might make some friends, mix in with other kids, I know we always made friends when we were kids on holiday.

I'd rather not spend all week cooking but I suppose I'm resigned to it.

We have reasonable budget to go abroad somewhere, but probably not enough for some all-inclusive deal with organised activities he'll probably turn his nose up at anyway,

What do others do with their teens on holiday?

OP posts:

jobdilemma · 26/05/2012 08:51

Why not send him to PGL and you and your dh have a relaxing by the pool break?

Original poster

ancienthistrionics · 26/05/2012 09:01

we offered, he won't go. He did outward bound at school last year, really enjoyed it but says he doesn't want to do it again.

Apparently he really needs to relax (other parents of teens will see the irony of this i think) and chill out. BUt I know he won't, he'll wind DP up by asking over and over again for him to do this or that, then when, and will he do it now, and then DP will get cross with him because he has been working incredibly hard, till 11 most nights and just wants to read his book. And I'll have to be peacekeeper while trying to keep the toddler out of A&E.

I'm getting stressed thinking about it.

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cory · 26/05/2012 09:33

If you are taking him, then your dh needs to develop something of the same attitude as he would towards a grown-up relative you were holidaying with.

That is, it is perfectly reasonable for your dh to ask for some time when he is not bothered, but very rude to expect to be able to ignore him for the duration. Basically, nobody wants to spend their holiday being made to feel that their company is not a bonus. I'd hate it, even at my advanced age. Your dh won't be able to get away with this when his own son gets old enough to understand.

I think planning is of the essence here. A clear plan: this is together time, this is time when you do our thing, this is time when we do your thing, this is time when we each do our own thing.

Can't give much help on a holiday site as we tend to do more active holidays. But there must be plenty going, depending on his age.

DaisySteiner · 26/05/2012 09:42

Have a look at Keycamp/Eurocamp type holidays. They are often based on sites with lots of activities (some even have a PGL centre on-site) and also have clubs for both of the kids to go to for at least part of the day. Much cheaper than hotel-based holidays and if you go late in the summer they are cheaper still. Yes, you do have to cook, but we go for lots of bbqs and quick and easy meals, so not much hassle.

mosschops30 · 26/05/2012 09:46

How old is he?

DaisySteiner · 26/05/2012 09:50

Oh, and campsites like I've mentioned are full of teenagers hanging about the pool (swimming or table variety) being moody together if that's more his thing.

mamhaf · 26/05/2012 10:06

Friends who have teens swear by cruising, if your budget will stretch to it.

If you choose the right one, there would be loads for him to do...you probably wouldn't need to see him at all.

notnowImreading · 26/05/2012 10:07

Could you one of his friends with you?

SecretSquirrels · 26/05/2012 10:10

Friends with only children often ask the same question.
A big AI hotel complex may not be your dream holiday but I guarantee that your DN would love it. I have two teen boys and while they obviously have each other to hang out with they very quickly gravitate to where the other teenagers are and make new friends.
Ironic really because I love their company and would happily do stuff with them all day, as would DH.

SecretSquirrels · 26/05/2012 10:12

Incidently "organised activities" at a big hotel usually involve stuff like water polo or volley ball. Great ice breakers for meeting girls new friends.

mollymole · 26/05/2012 10:12

take one his freinds along

Original poster

ancienthistrionics · 26/05/2012 10:18

Interesting ideas thanks, I'm a bit green to all this. Cory I know you are right - DH does do some things with him, like he'll go in the sea or the pool or whatever, but then an hour later DN will be back by his side asking him when they're going in again while DH radiates from every pore that he wants to be left alone, which isn't nice for DN. But he has been working incredibly hard without a break for months, he also has some depression issues which he keeps in check but he does need sleep and to read (sounds a bit too convenient, I know).

We usually take his cousins or share with another family but sadly that hasn't worked out this year.

OP posts:

Original poster

ancienthistrionics · 26/05/2012 10:20

squirrels are they the all-inclusive resort type things? I have told DH I think this is the only way. THe problem it's annoying to have to pay full price for DS who is only 2 and eats almost nothing. Any recommendations?

OP posts:

LynetteScavo · 26/05/2012 10:20

It sounds like he just really, really wants to be hanging out with your DH. (My boys are the same with their dad-fortunately DH is happy to devote his holiday to our boys) Your DH, just wants to read a book in the sun. I think you need to have DN days, and DH days where ever you decide to go.

My 13yo says the beach is boring and he wants to go and look at interesting things. He would do PGL type activities, but not on his own. We would have to be hovering.

How about Mark Warner?

BIWItheBold · 26/05/2012 10:31

We are taking a very reluctant 17 yo with us, so I do sympathise! However, I wonder why you are taking responsibility for this and not your DH? I absolutely get what you're saying about him working hard but - you know what - lots of us work hard but then have our children to entertain when we're on holiday.

Have you presented the issue to your DH and asked him how he is going go deal with it? What solutions he suggests? Poor DN - you should both be grateful, IMVHO, that he wants to spend time with you. Enjoy it while you can - soon you will end up with a spotty, moody and generally recalcitrant 17 yo who doesn't want to be with you ...

jobdilemma · 26/05/2012 10:51

Our 17 year old has been doing his own thing since he was 15 (went to the States to meet up with a friend there and went off hiking/camping in the Rockies without adults).

Now he's 17 he's off to Newquay with his friends while we're in Tuscany. I don't think many 17 year olds want to hang out with adults for more than maybe a couple of hours over dinner.

BIWItheBold · 26/05/2012 10:54

I know job - but as we have had recent issues over drugs, there is no way he is being left at home while we are away for 2 weeks. Sadly we just don't trust him enough

BIWItheBold · 26/05/2012 10:54

... and how awful to be forced to have 2 weeks in Barbados ...

SecretSquirrels · 26/05/2012 11:05

Not necessarily all inclusive although to greedy permanently hungry teenage boys they are heaven. I really just mean large hotel complexes, which generally means some entertainment on site.
We went here at Easter. Twas cheap and cheerful all inclusive.
We are going here in August, self catering but largish complex.
I tend to avoid the holiday village or Thompson family type places because they appeal more to small children.

flow4 · 26/05/2012 12:20

What I'm hearing is...
-Your nephew is desperate for his uncle's attention;
-Your partner wants to relax and read;
-Your toddler will want to charge about a lot, and will then probably want you;
-What you want doesn't seem to come into it...
That's bound to be a difficult combination!

You are, I think, going to need to divide your days up into 'slots' - mornings for playing together, afternoons for amusing yourselves, say... Or it could work if you had a couple of entirely different holidays: DP and DN go off camping together, for instance, then you go somewhere as a family where there's entertainment for teens...

Original poster

ancienthistrionics · 26/05/2012 12:21

Thanks BIWI and Squirrels. I know what DH should do, I just would like some options because he will NOT do it and its not about how I present it to him, or how clear I make so I just have to live with it. Our situation with DN is tough because we have spent the past two years, since we got him, turning him round from a school-refusing hermit who couldn't look at you and just swore under his breath to a reasonably outgoing, hard-working young lad with a good circle of friends. We have not been idle!

OP posts:

Original poster

ancienthistrionics · 26/05/2012 12:43

Flow4 yes, that's pretty much us! I don't care what I do really, if everyone is happy and I don't have to cook all the time.

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nickseasterchick · 26/05/2012 12:45

I have 2 teens we do 'haven' holidays theres stuff onsite for them to do swimming/sports/hanging around the arcades/girls/beaches/alcohol etc etc so they can do their own thing but if they want to come out with us doing other stuff they can ....

SecretSquirrels · 26/05/2012 15:14

-What you want doesn't seem to come into it...

That's true but I've always thought that if the children are happy then so am I. Agree about the cooking though. Holidays should never involve cooking

Tabliope · 26/05/2012 17:30

I second what mamhaf said - cruising if you can afford it. Didn't seen my DS from morning until night when it was a sea day. Daytime you can sightsee together. As soon as you're back at the ship he can meet up with his friends again.

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