any tips on taking a teen on holiday?

[ancienthistrionics]

We need to book a holiday that will give us all a break. We have DP's DN living with us (permanently, so our DS to all intents and purposes) - we've tried to get his cousins along which has worked well in the past, and offered for him to bring a friend, to no avail. He will spend all day asking us what we're doing now, will DP go in the pool with him, he's bored etc. DP will get stressed because he just wants to read his book (i know I know he should do more with him, and he will do some, but it will never be enough). We also have DS, age 2. Where can we go where DN might make some friends, mix in with other kids, I know we always made friends when we were kids on holiday.

I'd rather not spend all week cooking but I suppose I'm resigned to it.

We have reasonable budget to go abroad somewhere, but probably not enough for some all-inclusive deal with organised activities he'll probably turn his nose up at anyway,

What do others do with their teens on holiday?

I'm sorry, but if your DH won't do it, then I wouldn't be going on holiday on this basis. When do YOU get a break? Who is thinking about you?

But more importantly, what about your DN? Does your DH care about him at all - because it doesn't sound like it.

BIWI although DH is remiss in this way, there is much more to being a good dad than endless games of crazy cricket etc. He has changed the course of his life massively so to say he doesn't care is a bit it's not easy taking on a teenager, try it (no don't!.

I think the cruise might be a good idea for when the toddler is older - I would worry now as he's pretty wild .

Hi Maryz The surf school is a great idea. We went to Biarritz a few years ago and they did surf school in the morning but he's that bit older now he might get more into it.

Thanks everyone, brilliant suggestions!

ancient - I have two of my own, thank you!

I know there is more to being a good dad than endless games of cricket - but being a good dad is also about recognising that you're a dad 24/7 and not just when you feel like it.

I think quite a few holiday resorts offer cousres like that - be it learning to sail, kayak, sea-canoe, play tennis, wind surf, or whatever. It sounds like a pretty good compromise to me - DN would be entertained for the 3 or 4 hours a day he's there, he'd also be likely to be meeting other youngsters, that gives you and dh 3 - 4 hours each day to play with ds/read/relax, and leaves the other 1/2 of the day to do a bit more together as a family.

I think dh does need to go with the expectation that until your dcs are all 14+, then holidays do involve playing / entertaining them, but then I think your dn is now also old enough to realise that it is your holiday too, and that both you and dh both need time to 'lie back' as it were at some point each day. Maybe he'd agree to playing with your ds for an hour while dh reads his book, so dh is then refreshed enough to go and play something with him while you and ds play ?

We did a cruise on Celebrity Eclipse in August 2010 .
We have 2 teens , then aged 13 and 15 .
There was so much for them to do , and so many others their age that we hardly saw them as they were so busy .
We met up for dinner in the evening , they had activities to go to afterwards , and would stay out late .
DS only left the ship once ! Too much to do onboard .
There is also child care in the clubs for small children , in the evenings too .
Sadly not a cheap holiday , but one that I would recommend completely .

Maryz oh we heart electronic babysitters games! I know he used to have an iPod touch, so I'll ask him about it. I talked to him earlier and he said he just wants to laze around on the beach. I explained we needed to relax too, and were willing to organise something so he wouldn't be bored. It's difficult because he WILL be bored if we are just hanging out on the beach all day.

I could moot the scuba option, but he is a bit cautious. I would love him to do something like that because it would build his confidence - I never know how much to push, before you're actually pushy, iykwim.

I'm tending to think we should rent a villa that's a bit bigger and keep offering the option of him bringing a friend. His friend set is brand new and I think perhaps he isn't confident enough to ask - surely other parents would love this, we would only want flights paid.

BIWI We are all different. DP is a father all the time, not quite sure why you think he isn't - that still doesn't mean he has to be the sort of dad you describe. You have to love and support them, not provide constant entertainment. Sometimes teens, and ours very much so, need a push to go off and explore rather than be too dependent on the adults finding stuff for them to do.

DP knows my holiday motto "these hands are for opening menus" repeat as required .

I am a lone parent of an only DD. We go on holidays with Family ADventures and Explore . THey aren't cheap, but we have had some great times and both she and I have made friends with whom we are still in contact.

Cardibach they look amazing! I'm going to show it to DP and see what he thinks.

I would second the Eurocamp/Keycamp type of thing. We found them excellent for all ages - we like them, DCs have been going to them since toddlers and they are now teens.

Your DN sounds wonderful but exhausting, a bit like a labrador puppy! Have you thought about treating him similarly on holiday? Lots of routine, lots of really exhausting walks activities and lots of food.

One of the nice things about campsites is that there are often lots of things to do all on site. Also they are quite spread around so there can be a fair bit of walking to do. You can wear DN out entertain DN by sending him off on lots of fun chores activities.

I'll be honest that I wouldnt take a friend abroad even more so if they are new friends:

• what happens if they fall out
• what happens if friend gets hurt (saw a very sorry lad on an A&E abroad programme who really needed a hug but the friend's dad was just jollying him along).

We did a villa holiday a few years ago. It was lovely and we had a marvellous pool which we all enjoyed. However, it was quite isolating. Everything was a car drive away which meant that we were having to go to the supermarket at least every other day.

I remember that we did stay at a campsite in the south of France and DD had a scuba taster session in the pool. PGL have also linked up with a number of campsites to offer onsite activities.

We stayed here a few years ago. Went down well with everyone, and my kids have asked if we can go back :) www.tripadvisor.co.uk/Hotel_Review-g196598-d620571-Reviews-La_Sirene-Argeles_sur_Mer_Pyrenees_Orientales_Languedoc_Roussillon.html Friends stayed here and recommended it: www.tripadvisor.co.uk/Hotel_Review-g196598-d670165-Reviews-Le_Bois_de_Valmarie-Argeles_sur_Mer_Pyrenees_Orientales_Languedoc_Roussillon.html

There are thousands of similar places all over Europe... :)

I reckon if you can agree that DN gets some full-on attention first each day - not before breakfast, but before DP withdraws to his book - you should then be able to say "you need to give us a break now" and send him off :)

Oops, sorry, I forgot to do that bracket thing that makes links work. I'll try again:

The one we liked: La Sirene
Friends stayed here and recommended it: Le Bois

Hi Flow4 Re la sirene, can I ask, what's the accommodation like, are they mobile home type things, or did you camp? Is there any restaurant on site or is it all self-catering?

It looks great for us!

OP, I don't think most of us are suggesting your dh should provide constant entertainment: what many of us are suggesting is a firm plan that allows enough me time for your dh and time for your dn to feel his company is appreciated. Time together before breakfast and then some kind of structured activity sounds ideal.

What you want to avoid is a situation when your dn feels unwanted every time he tries to initiate contact. A fixed schedule seems the way to go.

14yos ime need less enterntainment than toddlers, but they almost seem to need more emotional reassurance, more "feeling wanted and absolutely necessary to the wellbeing of the people around them" than your average 2yo.

We stayed at la Sirene in mobile homes. Thinking about it, that was where DD had her trial scuba diving session.

It wasnt our favourite campsite but some of that was because of the company we went with. I shant say who but I notice they advertise on here quite a lot!

Most French campsites used by the major operators have restaurant and takeaway. Campsite restaurants tend to be reasonable value and to serve local foods with a few staples as well. IME French campsite pizzas are to die for - on the larger sites cooked in a wood oven. A top tip is that you can go along to the takeaway and get chips and use these to accompany whatever your DH has taught DN to cook on the barbecue!

We stayed here last year and the campsite restaurant was excellent:

www.eurocamp.co.uk/sites/france-dordogne/dr011-les-peneyrals.html

We arent beach fans so prefer inland France away from the coast. On the whole the pitches tend to be a little larger, the campsites a little smaller and the whole thing has a less frenetic atmosphere.

On the whole self catering IME is a lot easier to deal with everyone's different preferences especially when you have adults, toddlers and teenagers to feed. In a campsite you can eat outside and not worry about food getting spilled and enthusiastic toddlers shouting. You can also use the outdoor self catering experience as a way of giving DN somethings to do and be responsible for eg walking to the campsite shop to buy your morning croissants.

There are lots of things to do on campsites without spending money. Loads of campsites have fishing lakes with absolutely zero chance of catching maneater sized carp who are far too canny. Lizard hunting is a great favourite with my DCs. Many have clubs for teenagers if you go with a major operator.

ancient, there are several different types and sizes of caravan at La Sirene, and those fixed tents with camp beds too, I think. We stayed in the most basic caravan, and it had everything we needed. We booked direct with the site rather than using one of those big camping holiday companies, and paid much much less, which suited us fine, cos my kids don't like kids clubs and I speak enough French not to need a holiday rep. However, the big companies run more activities for kids, and run more of them in English, so this might suit your needs better.
As well as the kids' activities, I did sea kayaking at La Sirene!

We're looking at Bois de Valmarie actually - Sapphire 2 Bedroom (8m x 4m) with decking and air conditioning, very interesting information from all of you, I'm feeling much more in control now! Might book it later.

Cory last year we went to a beautiful villa with three other families, all good friends, kids his age, two pools with slide, tree house, hot jacuzzi and spending money for the kids to go to the town and get cokes etc. DP took DN for a drive in the mountains, then played games int he pool and he still stood around him for the rest of the afternoon!

WHen I said DP will not do any plan, I mean he doesn't do structured plans at all, just not his style. If I got him to agree to it it would come to nothing anyway.

I do agree that teenagers need just as much attention though. Our situation will always be more difficult because he is 'new' to us. He always wants us to solve every problem and gets cross if we don't, but if we persevere he works it out for himself, and that is how we are building his self-confidence.

It helps when they still want to go with you :) My teens are 16 and nearly 19. I'd have thought my 19 year old daughter would not want to come with us, but she does. So long as we ALL decide where to go, then it works far better than us dragging them somewhere they aren't interested in. At Easter the kids wanted a few days in Amsterdam, so we did. Always separate rooms in the hotel (the kids have one, we have another) as that works way better (though a bit more expensive)

The kids want to visit Malta in the summer. Luckily we want to aswell :) So we've booked all inclusive so hubby and I can have trips out during the day and leave the kids by the pool if they want and not worry about their food/drinks. We still have great times out with them, and even last weekend they wanted to come to the beach with us for the day.

Thanks to everyone, we've booked a static home thingy at Bois de Valmarie, approved by DN who is quite excited that the beach is near and he will be able to be more independent. I've talked to him about everyone needing a holiday and we've agreed DP will do some activities with him and the rest of the time he will rely on his own resources. Special thanks to Gnomede and Flow4 for hitting the spot